ASD child refusal to go to school

[flowerfluff]

Hi all, hope you're all okay in this glorious weather!

My dd2 is 7, with a diagnosis of ASD. We went through the horrendously long assessment process taking over 3 years and when they sent that diagnosis letter, she was then dropped by all services with the advice "be in touch if you need support". Of course it's just that easy....
She has an active claim for DLA as she struggles with walking in public, noise, social anxiety, selective mutism, rigidity on diet, toileting issues and has always seemed to have a slight attachment to me as she's had a picture of me at school so when she gets sad she can cuddle it. We use her DLA to get her to school via taxi as we don't drive but recently she is just refusing to go full stop. She does not have an EHCP and is touch wood hitting targets in subjects and excelling in maths so school aren't worried there.
More recently (as in the last month), she has begun to refuse to go to school. She will get up, have her breakfast, but then when it's time to get dressed she will outright refuse. She begins crying, sometimes violently lashing out hitting me, but overall the message is that she doesn't want to leave me. She had an issue with a child in her class who is now removed (works alone with a TA) and she remains scared of him, but we had a meeting and she was reassured he was not a problem and had an adult with him at all times.
She has always needed me with her to fall asleep, holding her hand while she is in bed until she is in deep sleep. If I don't do that she won't sleep.
I've reached out to the GP, not that I'm expecting a magic wand from them, but I don't know what else I can realistically do.
Does anybody have any advice?
X

You make her feel safe in a world that feels very unsafe. Could you go to school in the taxi with her? Would that be a possibility and maybe help? Or could you take her on the bus if you going in the taxi and back isn't possible/too expensive? Could she get there early so she has time to settle with or without you before the other kids arrive? Maybe have special jobs to help the teacher or something? What about a hanky with your perfume on? The other thing that really helped mine was coming home for lunch, but it sounds like that would be very difficult even if you're not working.

What about shorter days, perhaps with her coming home at the end of the morning? Would that be possible? What happens to the child causing her problems at break and lunchtimes are they properly supervised at those times? The other possibilities are either that you home school her, change schools if there is somewhere better suited to her/closer to home, but those may not be options. School could give her a timetable so she knows what is happening each day, organise her a quiet space she can safely go to if she needs to leave the classroom or is finding break and lunch times difficult, make sure she is always sat very close to the teacher, to get a warning before transitions and to not expect her to speak up in front of the class if she is not comfortable with that - does she get any support with the selective mutism?

Over the summer holidays when she doesn't have the stress of school I would try to work on the sleeping arrangements. Talk to her about it and say what you're going to do, tell her your hand aches after a little bit so instead of holding her hand you're going to just sit next to her and she can hold onto one of her toys. So start by sitting next to her and not holding her hand until she is ok with that stage, even if it takes a few weeks - as that will probably be the hardest step to crack. Then start sitting a tiny way away from her, lots of reassurance and stay as long as she needs - and very gradually over the 6 weeks building up to being outside the room.

I was actually the same at around this age and was terrified for no reason that my mum was going to leave. Give her loads of reassurance that you love her, tell her the jobs you're going to downstairs once she's asleep. Have her cuddle a toy and maybe have some white noise or calming music on that stays on until you go to bed or something.

Good luck! I think the main thing is finding ways to help her to manage her anxiety that also allow her to progress and slowly become more independent and more confident. If she has anything she is really into obsessively then use that as well to help and encourage her.

Request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Alongside this, if DD can’t attend school, use another one of IPSEA’s model letters to request alternative provision.

You should also check what the school is recording the absences as.

Rather than you paying for taxis, did you request transport?

Does DD take anything to help with sleep?

Thank you so much for your replies xx

I should have put it better, I take her to school in the taxi it's not arranged with anybody else, it's something I've sorted for her. So we both go from home to near her school, and then take a short walk through a nature trail to school (makes taxi £3 cheaper and she loves spotting wildlife).
She has lullabies on her Alexa at night, a set playlist which must be played in the right order. She also still has a dummy for sleep and can't sleep without it. Her teeth seem okay at the moment touch wood.
Thank you so much for the advice re weaning her off holding my hand, I will definitely give that a try. My hand does genuinely go numb as she has a high sleeper bed lol so my hand is up in the air!

I was kind of hoping this was going to be a bit of a phase, but when I look back she has never really detached from me well wherever she's gone even if it's just going out with her aunt for a couple of hours. I'll get looking up the echna locally to see how I'd go about doing this, I definitely think it would be beneficial to her now. They're currently putting her refusal to attend days off as unauthorised absences and her attendance percentage is dipping very low now.

Forgot to add, she doesn't take anything for sleep as she's not particular awake as such, she will go to bed she just needs someone with her. Never really thought about it like that!

You can send IPSEA’s model letter to the LA to request an EHCNA.

You may find if DD’s needs were better met at school, her general anxiety would reduce and this could improve her sleep and separation anxiety.

The absences should be authorised. You need to challenge this. Write to the school requesting the absences are authorised. State the regulations (Education (Pupil Registration) (England) Regulations 2006) make clear where a pupil is absent because they are unable to attend because of their medical needs the absence must be regarded as authorised. Also state the DfE’s attendance guidance states absences must be authorised where pupils can’t attend because of illness, physical and mental health related. It should be coded as I.

Go on to say that as DC is not receiving an alternative education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 and an EHCNA has not been requested the school and LA could have done and still can do more to support DC with their needs arising from their disability.

Personally, I wouldn’t deregister and EHE. It is easier, although not easy, to get support when DC remains in the system. Crudely, you are someone’s problem. If you deregister it is easier for others to sweep DD’s needs under the carpet. If DD can’t attend school, the LA has a duty to ensure they still receive a full-time education. Whereas, if you deregister the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements! thereby relieving them of their duty.

I didn't know it had to be authorised; thank you so much. That should put her attendance well back up into the 90s because at the moment it is woeful. I'm expecting the EWO on my case tbh!

Thank you for this advice, honestly, it's such a huge system of confusion and all I want is for her to be okay. I'll make contact today!

Xx

The absences being authorised won’t increase DD’s attendance percentage, but it will prevent further action for the absences being taken.

A small update, school have now changed her marks on the register to medical for these most recent absences!
The doctors have a phone apt booked for 10th July, they obviously don't see her missing school as being urgent enough for an apt sooner.
We are doing learning at home in tiny 'bites'; she did some online spellings and maths on her schools apps, had a break and played in the pool, saved a bee from drowning in the pool, then saw that as an opportunity to learn about bees as we placed him near flowers, gave him some sugar water, and watched him slowly get his energy back and fly away. She was very proud that she saved his life and that he is going 'back to his queen'.
I don't want her to get too comfortable here though and think that this way of life is okay, so I've been incredibly strict with how much 'fun' stuff she does (not to be a martyr but no screen time etc), and done break and lunch at the same time as she does at school.
She said she isn't missing her friends, which I thought she would.

It is good news the school has listened and acted on the attendance code.

You can request alternative provision using one of IPSEA’s model letter.

I know this is an old thread, but wondering how you got on @flowerfluff my dc is very similar!

@Misspacorabanne

I get notifications don't worry!

Oh we're still struggling. She is on the reduced timetable going 12:30 - 3:15pm currently; I am sneakily getting her there for 12:20 though so slowly getting her in earlier.

She is still having days where she refuses to go at all, she recently had book day and wouldn't go because it involved wearing clothes other than uniform and she didn't want to look 'weird' (just a change to the norm).
She is still playing up at night time, that hasn't improved.

I've had input from CAMHS and done a parent led CBT course, and even with what I learnt there she is still fighting.
The child she is scared of is still at school. She knows he is there and this terrifies her. They've even gone as far as moving his lunch time (he's completely isolated and works alone with a TA) so she doesn't see him at all, but they said she might bump in to him going to the toilet, they can't stop that.

I am currently in the process of gathering info to try and reapply for an EHCP for her.