DD called an ugly rat

[KTC40]

DD is in Y5, she is 9 (and August birthday), DD also has ASD & dyspraxia for which she has an EHCP and 1:1 at school.

DD is quiet at school and doesn't really have many friends, no play dates but has had a couple of birthday invites. She mainly plays with two girls and a boy.

They all play Roblox (an iPad game that you can play with your friends). Today DD said this boy didn't want to be a Roblox 'friend' as he doesn't like her so actively declined (DD is Roblox friends with some class children).

I questioned DD a bit more and she said he says her doesn't like her a lot, he also says she's an ugly rat, I asked her what others thought about him being so horrible. She said it only happened when he is just talking to her. He immediately walks off and she doesn't say anything.

I told her to tell him that that's unkind but I doubt she will. I'm planning on contacting the school and bringing g this up, I've also told DD that she is to say her mum is going to make a complaint (not that she will).

Anyway, just venting a bit, it hurts and I'm worried about secondary school as they would probably go to the same one if I pick it, the alternative is a specialist school for ASD (I'm now thinking this is the better option)

How nasty. Tell her to keep away from him because he is obviously not a nice boy. Tell her he's probably not a happy person as happy people don't tend to be horrid like that. She doesn't have to say anything to him IMO, sometimes no response is actually the best thing as a big response can just encourage it. If she behaves like she doesn't care then that might well be the end to it.

Are the children she does play with nice? I'd concentrate on those friendships. But I wouldn't decide her schooling based on this one stupid boy as she might prefer and find it easier to go to the secondary school with her friends.

Thanks, yes I will tell her to stay away, it's difficult as the 2 girls she plays with play with him. She doesn't get invited to play dates etc, the 2 girls are closer to each other ...sadly she will always find it hard but I'm glad she isn't bothered.

I think getting the teacher to sit them down and have a word with him will help. The Secondary school may not be able to meet her needs on seeing it (30 in a class and no small group targeted therapy) there are other options, one girl is going to a school a little further away but the SEN department seems better so I have a visit coming up.

The specialist school I really like, that is one of the top contenders and DD liked it too, small class sizes, more support and an OT etc on site for her dyspraxia (also the closest).

Ultimately it's up to DD but I will start by informing her current school and go from there, school choices are a bit off yet, I will put all 3 schools on my preference anyway. This boy is not known to be nasty and plays with all of the girls so this is a shock.

I think this might be directed just to her I think although he calls his best 'girl' friend (DDs friend) ugly sometimes according to DD (the 2 girls are thinking about unfriending him on Roblox )...I hope they do!

Definitely bring it to the attention of the school.

Just so you are aware, with an EHCP, you do not have to state more than one secondary preference. Some LAs will tell parents they do have to, but they legally don’t.

Just to update, school dealt with my email re the situation. The boy apologised and has now hopefully aware of his actions to others.

DD is happy so all good 👍

In a side note a LSE (learning support assistant) said it's the best thing to nip this in the bud. Any comments on girls appearances ie calling them fat or ugly, if not dealt with can lead to longer psychological effects re body image during teenage years and later. I agree with this