Why is my child so agressive

[Namechanger385u4p]

7yo boy with ASD, possible ADHD
He's constantly scratching DS2 and pulling younger son's hair, he scratches at school during small arguments.

He's speech delayed but very "happy" in himself. He's not having a meltdown when it happens, he's smiling and laughing. If i could take away the hurting he would be doing pretty good but i've tried everything i can think of and nothing helps. He's starting to make me hate him as i can't cope with all the random agression. It's been this way forever

I need to pursue the adhd diagnosis but feel i have fixed my hopes to him having a wonder drug which might not happen. I dont know what to do, no-one in my family is agressive but he just doesnt care :(

My ds also hurts when angry, cross- he struggles to communicate verbally during this time and gets frustrated quickly he often wants to follow his own desires/ very rigid way of thinking. When exitable often overstimulated he will also do this and is very impulsive. He has asd I suspect adhd also.

Smiling and laughing doesn’t rule out DS being dysregulated.

Have you kept a detailed diary to spot triggers?

Is DS receiving any support with emotional regulation? Does he have OT and SALT? What support is his school providing?

Some people find the book The Explosive Child helpful.

Thank you all.

I have downloaded the book recommended and will read.

He was getting SALT weekly but this has been downgraded to fortnightly as he has advanced, but it's unstructured play he struggles with. Maybe some private SLT will help? I think our council are reassessing levels of support needed jn Sept and it's possible DS' will go down.

He has OT stuff at school like fine motor skills, what sort of things could an OT do to help the social side?

His school are AMAZING with the academic side (he has a great 1/1) but seem to struggle with understanding emotional disregulation. The incidents happen when he's unsupervised and at a lose end in the playground. The seem to think things happen "randomly" but I think he hides when he's cross as he is almost always upbeat/smiling and happy even when he's not feeling like it.

DH is very cautious of medication but I feel desperate to try anything.

SALT is about more than the physical ability to speak. It can help with emotional regulation, social interaction and social communication. OT can also help with these things. OT can support zones of regulation work. They can help DC with peer relationships. They can also look at sensory needs.

Does DS have an EHCP? Request an early review of the EHCP and appeal if more SALT and OT (and maybe something like play therapy) aren't included in the EHCP. And also full time 1:1 including breaks and lunchtime, so DS isn’t unsupervised.

It is highly unlikely to be happening randomly. The school needs to look at triggers.

That's really helpful thanks. I do think he has some sensory needs as he's quite "handsy" but does not stim

He does have an EHCP but the salt got cut as he made loads of progress (as 95% of the time he does well and has come on loads, it's just flashes of bad behaviour), im updating it soon so will push for more

I will ask for more 1/1 cover, i think again he comes across as "fine" so people think he doesnt need her all the time but when he gets himself in a tricky situation he cant think how to resolve it.

I will see if i can find an OT

An issue with the younger child is they (4) are a very dominant personality so he finds it hard to reason with them as they expect him to do what they say and manipulate him a bit. I have spoken to younger child about this.

DS may have made progress, but from your posts, DS still needs more support than he is receiving. When is the next annual review? If not very soon, request an early review using the model letter IPSEA has on their website.

If you think you will have to appeal when you next have the right of appeal in order to get more 1:1 &/or more therapies I would wait to spend money on independent reports. By all means look/speak to OTs, but I wouldn’t have an assessment yet. Otherwise by the time you get to a hearing it could be considered out of date. Good OTs have waiting list anyway, but I thought I would mention it so you are aware.

Do you have any sensory equipment? Or some find a punch bag or trampoline helpful.

I thought i would update my thread i case anyone ever reads and this is useful

Turned out he needed adhd medication, he's fine now, i havent finished chosing the ideal brand/dose but he's an angel at school now :)