Residential school?

[Namechangeforkids]

Has anyone here considered using residential school for a SEN child? After a really difficult school holiday of hypervigilance, defiance and tantrums we’re broken.

ASD son 11, prob ADHD awaiting diagnosis and we will need a test for Fragile X gene too. Excluded from primary at 7, EHCP, now in behaviour specialist school which has a boarding house attached. I think we might need to explore the residential option because his needs are more than just in school. He’s defiant and aggressive and everything is ‘no’ unless there’s an immediate reward attached. We burn all our mental energy trying to get the him off the sofa and the games consoles. Rewards charts, routines, visual timetables. We have a care package two afternoons a week and then plan every evening and weekend like we run a special school ourselves at home. Anything anyone suggests to try, we’ve done it. We are very very consistent and explain things clearly. One of us is at a meeting with his school about what to do/try there and at home every week. He’s already under cahms and early help.

There’s very little result for our efforts. It’s like you do £100 worth of work for 20p.
We’ve been trying to feel less like his staff/prisoners and get him helping with housework and joining in family activities. We have two other kids who are both SEN and need us to show them they matter too.

All this week with the 11 y/o we did things everyone chose. When it wasn’t his choice he went out of his way to ruin it, with mega defiance, whining and at one point just running home.

He’s getting to the age where he will have a key and he’ll just not come out with us and he’ll sit on the sofa eating snacks and gaming all weekend. Already if I say no you can’t have x now it’s not snack time he’ll shove me hard and grab what he wants.

We’ve tried turning the internet off and removing all snack foods to build up good habits and limits from zero again and he’s gone crazy, breaking stuff in the house and screaming. It’s not fair on the other children.

We’ve tried physical hobbies like martial arts, sailing, art classes. We’ve tried for years. He won’t engage and will disrupt it for others. And even if he has a 1-1 or one of us with him and even if it’s a special thing for ASD kids the organisers will say they can’t handle our child.

I can’t go on like this. I’m interested to see whether residential could actually help him in ways we can’t manage to. What can we expect? Does it help? Or just more problems but different ones?

Have you had specialist support from a Psychologist with a neurodevelopmental specialism? Have you had family therapy?

Good points and great advice. We’re coming to the end of the line with in school support and outside interventions. After 4 year battle to get EHC right, son’s school supplies ed psych, OT, SALT. Most of it daily or weekly. He does art therapy privately. We pay privately for the other two kids to have talking therapy. We each have our own therapists. We know everything a person can know about structure, rewards, consistency, zones of regulation. These all work well for our two other SEN kids who are doing well in mainstream schools, have friends.

I have accessed respite weekly (1
night) during school terms and it has helped so much.
This was achieved through our social worker.

I can’t see a downside to accessing respite or boarding -
especially since it’s actually attached to your sons school. if it means he can come home and flexi board and you get the go ahead, do it. You’ve tried everything, and this could really work positively for you all.

We looked for DS1. In the end, there wasn’t a suitable school.

I think it would be a good idea for you to investigate it further. You may have to appeal, unfortunately. Is DS Y6 or Y7? When is your next AR? When was DS last fully assessed by EP, SALT, OT, psychiatrist, clinical psychologist and social care? As part of the next review, you can pursue amending F to include art therapy, too.

In the meantime, I would push for a larger care package, including looking at overnights and more support in holidays.

If DS is diagnosed with ADHD and starts medication, you may find the snacking improves.