accidents after potty training?

[lollilou2]

Just wondering if anyone has any advice? The past few weeks my 4 year old has been peeing in his underpants when he was previously fine going to the toilet. He is developmentally delayed (speech delay, gross motor problems, school are concerned about his cognitive ability), and only actually toilet trained last September after a lot of work, ready for Reception.

He hasn't ever used the toilet for pooing, which is something we were working on, but now we will need to go back to basics. No signs of a UTI.

I started my son at 3 and a half to potty train and he has just about learned and he is coming to 5 in August. It takes a way longer time , but he will get there in the end. I took the nappy off slowly because he kept on having accidents, the number 2 now he does in the toilet but only if I'm there otherwise he will do it in his trousers. I'd say leave the pull up on and take it off slowly. Speak to the school, let them know because they will have to help him with toileting. I'm still putting nappies on at night even though they are dry .

My son is developmentally delayed too so it takes them longer than the average child also it depends on the mental capability, just don't force him to go as it will put him off. Another thing which helped was the potty toilet. It's made like a small toilet.

Is DS constipated?

is he anxious at the moment? Related to this, is he starting school in September? Could worry about that be hindering toileting progress?

It’s just that he’s used the toilet to urinate for around 7 months with no problems that’s got me, so cognitively he does know what to do?

@BrumToTheRescue Yes he’s chronically constipated, and yes he’s actually situationally mute at school

The constipation and school situation may be causing or exacerbating the toileting problems. Is DS being treated for the constipation? If so, how long has he been on the current regime? Does DS receive any support in school? Does he have an EHCP?

He takes movicol but we’re still trying to work out the correct dose for him, and he keeps getting impacted. We have no help as bowel and bladder service is at breaking point (over 1 year for a phone appointment- my older daughter has been going through constipation for years).

He gets phonics help, but that’s it. No EHCP as they’re impossible to get here (again, older daughter has struggled with anxiety for years, has a diagnosis of autism, and still got declined. We’re appealing but had to take her out of school and home educate as appeal date isn’t until 2025).

Sounds like DS needs a higher dose. Go back to the GP. They should be providing support whilst you await specialist input. You could also speak to ERIC.

Request a meeting with the SENCO. The school should be providing more support.

Also, request an EHCNA for DS. You may have to appeal, potentially at more than one stage, but it is possible to get an EHCP for the needs you describe wherever you live. Despite what some LAs think the law applies to all areas and they aren’t the ones who ultimately make the decision, the courts are. If you have to appeal, the sooner you request an EHCNA the better.

For DD, have you requested an expedited hearing on the basis DD isn’t in full-time school? If DD couldn’t attend school, under s19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA had a duty to ensure she still received a suitable full-time education. This could be enforced if the LA refused, delayed or ignored you. Rather than EHE, you can inform the LA you are no longer electively home educating and they need to make alternative arrangements because DD is unable to attend school due to her MH/SEN. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can adapt.

Thank you for all your advice, I have asked for an expedited hearing. What sort of things should school be doing to help DS?

I will put a request for a EHCP Assesment, you’re right it’s best to get it out the way as it will take a while. Thanks again for your advice.

They should be support DS’s gross motor difficulties. Does he also have difficulties with fine motor skills? Do they run a group focusing on these skills? Something like Jump Ahead or Fizzy? They could support DS’s speech delay and SM. Do they support DS’s anxiety? Do they have anyone who runs a nurture group or can support Zones of Regulation work? Other support will depend on DS’s needs and what else he is struggling with. Does he find the lunch hall or assembly overwhelming? Does he struggle socially? Does he find drop off and pick up difficult?

His main problems are gross motor, but there is problems with fine motor. He’s under physio and paediatrician. The school don’t currently run anything to help with these.

No support for his anxiety, they regularly try to get him to talk which I don’t agree with.

He finds pick up and drop off okay, I give him ear defenders for the lunch hall but he’s too shy to ask for them on. He doesn’t have any friends- if anyone comes to talk to him he’ll smile at them but won’t interact verbally.

Definitely speak to the SENCO. The school could be doing more. The school should be proactive and give DS his ear defenders rather than waiting for him to ask. They could also arrange a quieter room for him to eat in. The school needs to support DS socially. Do they have a lunch group DS could attend if he finds the playground too much?

They do have a lunch room in an outdoor classroom, my DS used to attend, but it’s for ‘bigger kids’ 🤔 SENco is hard to catch aswell as he only works once a week and believes the ‘quality first teaching’ will help, that he’s just a bit young and behind and will catch up.