Confused by assessment of toddler's behaviour

[Lostboys16]

Hi, my 2 yo has just been referred to SALT although I'm not expecting an appointment any time soon as we've been told waiting lists are very long in our area. However, he's also been 'red-flagged' for repetitive behaviours and possible developmental delays, which worry me more and have left me a bit confused.

He will do things like spin his pushchair around for 20-30 minutes at a time, roll it back and forth to watch the wheels, line up all his toy cars again and again and stare at and touch the wheels of parked cars in the street. He's also demonstrated that he doesn't recognise shapes and colours yet (he can't catagorise objects into these groups when prompted), didn't begin pointing until 20 months and his nursery have said that he's withdrawn and often refuses to participate in group activities. I've been told that all of these things combined with a speech delay will probably lead down an ASD assessment route if they persist.

However, at home he seems a different child. He makes good eye contact, laughs, smiles, plays with his older sibling, takes turns, gives hugs and kisses, plays peek-a-boo, shows us objects that interest him, watches for our reactions to things etc... basically all things that are considered 'typical' of a 2 yo.

I just don't know what to make of what I've been told and now I feel like I'm over-analysing his behaviour! Has anyone had a toddler with similar behaviours? Did they turn out to be NT or ND?

Following as very similar for my toddler, the difference in confidence/speech/behaviour at home vs not at home is huge. Do you notice any of the ‘Red flag’ behaviour at home?

DD4 was for the longest time two completely different children at home and outside. The two times she was seen by professionals she also managed to be completely non verbal and start hyper focusing on things like the nails in the plug sockets which she had literally never done before and hasn’t done since!
She is also non verbal at nursery.

the way I see it is at home she’s safe, she’s regulated, she’s not over stimulated or having a sensory overload. There’s so much more to process outside which then triggers the different behaviours.

Not as many, no. He's much more sociable, happy/smiley at home. He seems overwhelmed in other settings and goes into himself a bit. He does still display the repetitive behaviours at home though and isn't really using proper words yet.

What do you do to manage this and how are things now? I’m unsure how to approach as can’t keep DS at home forever (also would go insane) but out the house he’s refusing to walk/engage/cries a lot etc, completely different child.

@Lostboys16 sending solidarity. Have you sought any private help, or found anything that helps?

My DS is similar in that he is quite different at home - quite articulate, plays well with sibling, etc. Outside of him he behaves younger (baby talk and almost selective mutism).

Although there are red flags at home too - loves spinning things and light switches. Lots of vocal swimming. Temperament goes from 0-100 very quickly, usually from frustration with toys.

I don't have answers but I'm with you with the over analysing. It's exhausting.