What benefit does an ADHD diagnosis give?

[mogernator]

I strongly suspect my DS8 has ADHD. It's the hyperactivity part for him. 100 miled an hour for everything, always on the go. Frequent angry outbursts. Many questions. He can, however concentrate and is doing well at school. He's very sociable and funny, has friends. Loves sports. His teacher does not think he has ADHD but he is different at school and would never have the anger issues there. Anyway, what does getting an official diagnosis achieve? Would I be better off buying a book to help me parent the best I can?! I'm not sure I would want to medicate him if he does get a diagnosis. But I would definitely welcome a support system as I am pretty exhausted.

Medication is very effective for 70-80% of people.

Self-acceptance is important - ADHDers can attract a lot of negative feedback and it wrecks self-esteem.

It shouldn't make a difference (as the issue is functional incapacity not diagnosis) but the school may be more willing to make reasonable adjustments if they have reason to believe DC may meet the Equality Act definition of a disability or long term health condition.

You should look into medication info from a trusted source before you dismiss it as being useful or not. There are so many misconceptions about ADHD medication which most people hold as a matter of course and don't realise that they are misconceptions so it is useful to have some counter information even if you ultimately decide against it. Russell Barkley has some very useful videos/podcast interviews and there is a book by Peter Hill which a lot of MN parents say is good (I haven't read it).

Another useful trick to question your biases about medication is to imagine that you suspect your child might have asthma instead and substitute asthma into the thought process: "I suspect my child has asthma, but he doesn't get out of breath at school. What does getting a diagnosis achieve? Would it be possible to improve his lung capacity through exercise? I don't think I'd want him to have an inhaler if he does get a diagnosis. But it is pretty worrying when he has these breathing episodes." - In that situation you wouldn't be trying to make the decision about medication yourself. You'd probably speak to his doctor and ask them in what situation they would prescribe an inhaler and whether they think he would benefit from it and what the risks are. I know this is not exactly the same situation, but I think it is a useful thought exercise.

In terms of what you can do as a parent, you want to aim for positive reinforcement and rely less on punishment - anything you regularly battle over, try to work out the positive expectation and break it down into steps to work on. Smaller rewards/punishments for smaller increments in behaviour work better than larger ones for less-defined behaviours. (e.g, if you want him to change some behaviour it's important to spell out exactly what the expectation is, rather than some vague "be good in the shop" or "not behaving")

Work on skills in the environment, rather than expecting him to generalise from one context to another. Try to be proactive instead of reactive. Look up information about emotional regulation skills in children and work on these, preferably when he is calmer so that he can access them when he is less calm. If you find yourself assuming he is being lazy/defiant/selfish/reactive, and getting angry about it, try to look at it later with a more compassionate eye, assuming that he's doing his best and trying to see the situation from his perspective. Look at recurrent issues with a problem solving lens - what's getting in his way - and solve for that rather than just trying to force him to do something.

Thank you this is helpful reading. I'm concerned I won't be able to get anywhere through NHS as the school doesn't see him having ADHD. I will speak to my GP though and maybe go privately if I don't get anywhere through those avenues.

I don't know how it's diagnosed in the UK as I live abroad, but my child's teacher also said no of course he doesn't have ADHD as she had taught children with ADHD and "they couldn't sit in a chair" 🙄 - part of the diagnosis process for us involved sending a form/questionnaire for the teacher to fill in with her observations. I looked at it before I sent it in as I was curious, and she rated him as worse than we had on several points! And still then said she was surprised when we gave her that form. So at least in my experience, school's opinion doesn't necessarily form a barrier because a school teacher is not necessarily going to be well informed about every possible thing which could affect a child.

That said, DS enjoys school and I think he thrives off the routine there and he prefers not to take medication so he doesn't.

I have ADHD diagnosed in adulthood and I have been taking long acting stimulant medicine for a year since Peri M forced me to really. My child likely has ADHD based on heritability statistics but also has strong ASD and dyslexia so it’s hard for clinicians to tell and so far screening has been inconclusive. I parent him as if he has ADHD - I like to read Russell Barkley - but currently I do not think he has a level of impairment caused by ADHD traits that would merit putting him on stimulant medication. He’s underweight already. Also progressing well in school and no challenging behavior so far. When he’s a teenager we will have him screened again and reassess.

I see ADHD meds like blood pressure meds. They help but also you have to take care of yourself in other ways. Meds are one thing that work well when combined with therapy, exercise, good diet and good sleep and good structure. This possibly also applies to children.

Like many ADHD kids, I have behaviour problems. My executive function is poor, I am emotionally immature and I am an impulsive risk taker by nature. I need a lot of coaching and therapy and will continue to need it. The meds do help me respond better to therapy and commit to self improvement, to commit to exercise and to see more clearly the future consequences of one more glass of wine or one more hour of Netflix. But I need more than one pill a day. If I had to choose therapy or meds I would choose therapy. I take regular breaks from meds to see if my baseline functioning has improved.