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Absolutely exhausted situation

2 replies

LWalliams · 15/05/2024 14:55

I met my husband 4 years ago, we both had one boy from last relationship. He had a child with a Pilipino in the last relationship. The Pilipino mum walked away from the child and my husband when the child was 1. Averagely, she sees the child one weekend per month. Recently, she sees him once every two months.

The child is now my step-son. He has speech delay, cannot sit still, and some aggression toward to kids and animals/insects. He is now 6, hurting school kids on every other week basis. At home, he waved his knife and forks on the dinner table, poking my son (age 8)'s eyes, biting, kicking, push, and stamping on insects or animals. He often screams. He also took school girl's trousers off once. We are trying to get him assessed, but the waiting list is 3 year long. We are now trying private assessment, again it is still very slow.

My husband works full-time and does not do much childcare. Therefore I am with my own son and my step-son all the time. My step-son is aggressive and he cannot control his own emotions and angers. I am very struggling with his behaviors and feel like he is hurting my own son very often. Totally unpredictable danger in the house. My cousin working as a mental hospital nurse telling me that she thinks my step-son got conduct disorder. I had a look online, it is really awful mental problem.

The trouble is, my husband does not want to believe there is a problem on my step-son. My husband thinks I am picking on my step son. The Pilipino mum often moans about how we look after the child, even though she never paid one penny for the child for maintenance, or made more time to see her own son.

I feel so exhausted and sick of this situation. It is a lot of hard-work on the step son but no supports from any biological parents at all. All I got is criticism from them. Not sure what to do really. Like to hear what others' opinions. Thank you.

OP posts:
BrumToTheRescue · 15/05/2024 18:29

DH needs to step up and push for more support for DSS.

How long have you/DH been living together? Do DS and DSS share a bedroom?

Does DSS have an EHCP? What support is the school providing? Is he receiving SALT and OT? Any support with emotional regulation?

Have you/DH tried keeping a detailed diary to spot triggers? Some people find the explosive child book helpful.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for DH/you and an assessment of DSS’s needs.

Has DSS had a home OT assessment to look at how the home can better meet DSS’s needs and how it can be made safer?

Mental health nurse or not your cousin should not be trying to diagnose DSS with conduct disorder. There are other possibilities that are more likely to be diagnosed or diagnosed in conjunction.

TabsForever · 24/05/2024 15:18

That sounds like a really tough situation for you all. What you describe may include some traits of neurodiversity, it certainly sounds like your DSS has some trauma/social and emotional developmental concerns. I think you need to have a open and honest discussion with your DH, Mum, school etc, everyone involved in his care and go from there.
Good luck OP X

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