urgent advice needed for new SN parent

[cariboo]

Ds(4.8) has some kind of behavioral problem - I don't know yet what it is exactly but at last we've been able to arrange treatment for him. He's become increasingly hyperactive and moody. This has been going on for about a year but things only started to deteriorate seriously in October & now suddenly he's getting worse. On Monday he was completely hyper, I couldn't reason with him at all, he was swearing, abusive, violent, constantly moving... I took him to his room where he started hitting himself & then banging his head against the bedframe repeatedly. Terrified, I called the doc who told me to take him straight to emergency. Ds was seen by a paediatrician, who then summoned a paedo-psychiatrist. She thought that it would be more traumatic for him to stay in hospital so we took him home for the night & then to see her again next morning. She asked dh & I tons of questions re ds from pregnancy onwards. We're to see her again in a few days. She didn't give us a diagnosis (I guess she couldn't, yet) but did say 'no drugs - he's too young'. Fine but how do I handle him when he becomes hyper & completely unreasonable? I'm almost frightened of him! Please help.

Bumping for you!
Your situation sounds different to ours so my ideas could be of no help, but I found it helpful to keep a diary (food, activities antecedants/drinks to rule out dehydration etc) when my childs behaviour deteriorated on starting school. Ds also reacted well to a 'safe space', at first this was the car and a drink of water (when out and about- I car collected from school during difficult patches)or a tightly wrapped blanket and quiet at home. I doubt your child would respond to the same things - if he does I'll list other things that calmed him! Sounds very worrying for you! Hope others have better help!

Has he just started school? My ds was always lively and challenging but his behaviour only seriously deteriorated when he started school.

No, ds started 'school' almost 2 years ago. He had some troubles early last year which more or less resolved themselves by Easter. Problems started again in Oct/Nov 2008.

God that sounds so hard, cariboo. I can only tell you what I do with my 5 year old, who's autistic and who can get aggressive and have meltdowns. Maybe some of it will be useful, some not. Basically we use a behavioural therapy called ABA and in that, if a behaviour is attention-seeking (as possibly his head-banging is, if he only started it when you put him in his room) we ignore it, leave the room, look at the sky, anything rather than give the behaviour attention. Does his headbanging stop when you leave him in his room or walk away, or does it carry on for ages? It was really difficult leaving my DS banging his head at first, but it did work and he no longer does it as no-one takes any notice any more so he's dumped the behaviour. For aggression towards me or anyone, I am extremely firm and I want to make sure he never ever gets the upper hand, as if I don't sort it out now when he's 5, there'll come a time when he's too big for me to control. If he hits,punches, bites or anything like that, I march him upstairs and wash his hair (he hates that). If he has a meltdown, I lock him in a room till calm and again ignore him, no talk, no eye contact, nothing. I'm not saying these techniques might work for you, and I'm glad you're getting all the medical side checked out, but you are (at the moment anyway) a lot bigger than him and so you can still get his behaviour back under control rather than let him feel he is in charge of the house. The other side of ABA is reward - could you give him a choc or other reward when he does get completely calm, so he comes to associate calming down with a good result? Good luck anyway, I know how hard it is on you!

Thank you, ancientmiddleagedmum. I do more or less the same things you described, such as ignoring "bad" behavior as much as possible and have certainly understood that he should never, ever get the upper hand when he's aggressive. However, if we shout at him or get at all angry, he bursts into tears & grabs his blankie. It's heartbreaking. He seems very insecure and unstable. I must admit that I really don't want to have to lock him in his room although it seems to be an efficient way to demonstrate to him that negative behavior means complete isolation & therefore no attention.

Cariboo, Bumping for those resurfacing from the Easter holidays!
I forgot to say that the reason I kept a diary was to see if I could identify any triggers for difficult behaviour. I also tried cutting out particular foods (apples, tomatoes, milk, bread) not true exclusion diets others know more about doing it properly on here. In my sons case (who has LD, ADHD and ASD) he was getting very anxious at constantly being in trouble - most of which was outside his control!) and it was fairly obviously school related. I hope others can help.

My son is 7 and has moods.

It is hard and I have been scared of him.

Currently don't have a clue what to do when he goes into one.

Would love some rest and sleep.

Thanks, all. Please keep bumping for me as am going into hospital tomorrow for 3 days - small op, nothing serious.

Good luck.

My BF is as well, you're not her are you?