Please help!!! 3 year old having to many meltdowns

[Mummyof5kiddos]

Hello everyone, i was wondering if anyone would be able to give me some advice? I have a 3 year old daughter that is really hard work, meltdown after meltdown, I think they are sensory related but please let me know what you think or if you have any advice, it will be very much appreciated, she hasn’t long started nursery and they have said something isn’t right so have referred her to community paediatrician and put her on SEN,

• High pitch scream and turns her head to the side
• Makes herself be sick
• Cuddles or holds hand only when she wants it but not for long, if I was to go up to her and cuddle or hold her hand it would result in a meltdown
• Spins and bounces
• Jumps onto her knees a lot even on hard flooring
• will stop and sit down outside touching things and seems in her own world while doing it
• Doesnt cope well to change
• Over sociable with strangers
• Will shudder her whole face
• She falls over a lot
• Looses interest quickly
• Doesn’t ask questions, can’t tell me what she’s done 10 minutes ago or follow instructions
• Fussy with food and won’t eat warm foods
• she rarely sits down unless it’s when she is in her own little world
• Doesn’t always respond when called or being spoken to
• Has only recently properly started playing with toys and it seems to be one favourite toy a week
• Trouble poohing sometimes it’s a week
• Take clothes off as soon as we are home
• reacts to sounds and covers ears
• Finds it hard to play with other children and would sooner play by herself
• Her reaction to danger is bad she will walk off following a stranger, stop and stare at cars coming towards her, leave my house without me ( my eyes are constantly on her and I’ve upped the security 🤦‍♀️ )
• Finds things that spin and keep spinning them, her favourite is cars
• Repetitive with words and songs
• Screams if the car window is open or there’s a bump in the road
• 6-7 meltdowns a day and will bite, kick, hit and doesn’t seem in control or able to listen ( I would say most of these are from sensory reaction to being touched ) these happen at nursery and home
• Its hard to walk with her outside, she will have meltdowns if I touch her trying to keep her safe by holding her hand of stopping her from running into danger
• Slow reactions to grabbing something
• Doesn’t keep eye contact for long
• Walks really slow or runs fast, no normal walking

Aw bless you. Sounds like my daughter. She is 6 now. Everything you have wrote my daughter is the same. She is on the waiting list for cahms for ADHD, she is way behind her peers, if yours is going nursery/school and they are picking up signs then hopefully they will refer her

Thank you for your reply, my son is 7 and waiting for a neuro assessment with camhs, definitely adhd with him and my daughter is 13 and waiting for a mental health assessment with them they think she’s masked neuro for so long that it’s started coming out a mental health. I think my problem is I compare them to much, there is definitely signs of both my other children’s traits in her but she just seems really hard work compared to them, she is very over sociable whereas they have confidence and anxiety issues, there’s didn’t show til later on and hers there has been signs from a baby, oh and the temper and meltdown are so so much more and seems overly sensory to things, I’m not sure if it’s her age and understanding why it’s so much harder with her. She was at nursery for 2 months before I was asked to contact the gp for referral for community paediatrician appointment, they are very on board and want to get her help before starting school in Sept 2025, only problem is if it is adhd then am I right in thinking they have to wait for camhs referral at 5 but if it’s more asd they will diagnose her at paediatrician, she definitely needs extra help, so I have just over a year to try and help as much as I can but it so hard when you don’t know for sure what traits are what 😵‍💫

Sounds exactly like my son , but he has ACC. He was like this before school but the school has been doing a lot with him so it has calmed him down . Also his understanding is really behind so I realised lack of communication was frustrating him. He couldn't explain so he used to lash out . Also he's very hyperactive so we have to take him out tire him out. He doesn't like to be touched all of a sudden so that used to annoy him , but yh school has made our life a lot easier x

Thank you I really appreciate your reply, If I’m honest I have never heard of ACC but I’ve just had a brief look online and it’s definitely worth me looking into more, it says ACC can be associated with Chiari malformation and her dad has that. How did you go about getting your son diagnosed? Did he get diagnosed with anything else at the same time? Really happy you hear your son is getting on better now he’s at school, I’m dreading my daughter starting school in a years time I worry she’s going to struggle a lot

ACC is Agenisis of the corpus collosum, he was diagnosed when I was 20 weeks pregnant with him, then they did an mri , then a scan when he was born nd an mri when he was 1. Its a very rare neurological illness, but I just wanted to say about your daughters that if she gets a good school , she might get better . Sometimes they need professionals, like mine got speech therapy as soon as he started , an educational psychologist , three or 4 sen teachers working with him. They have a separate area for the children in school to help them cope and settle in x

Hi hun , just had a look could be your daughter has chiari malformation too, I think you should contact your gp.

You are right, lots of the things you list could be related to sensory issues. Has DD had an OT assessment? Some people find the books The Out of Sync Child and Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight helpful. This booklet and this website are also helpful. Do you have any sensory toys/equipment at home? Do you have a trampoline? Will DD wear ear defenders?

For the eating difficulties, has DD been referred to a dietician? Does she take multivitamins? Have a look at ARFID.

What support is the nursery providing? You should consider requesting an EHCNA - on their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Have you spoken to the GP about constipation?

When out of the house do you use reins? Or for the times DD won’t walk, a buggy?

It can help to keep a detailed diary to help spot triggers.

She is right at the start of everything, she started nursery in January, her nursery is doing SEN now, she’s been referred to community paediatrician but still waiting to see if they accept the referral, gp referred her after nursery requested it, I will be having a meeting with nursery in the coming weeks because they wanted to watch her and write everything down ready, they have said they want to get her all the help possible before starting primary school sept 25, her 2 year health visitor assessment she showed some grey areas and she was supposed to have a review which was arranged and they cancelled and never rearranged, I have contacted them about it and they have said I now need to wait til the 4 year review but has referred her to a nursery nurse while we wait for paediatric appointment because of her lack of danger, that was 3 weeks ago and I still haven’t heard anything.
Brilliant thank you for all your information, you’ve given me a lot of helpful things for me to look into, we have sensory toys at home, her brother is waiting a adhd assessment so these definitely have come in handy and the nursery have been using them with her too, I haven’t tried ear defenders only because I don’t think she would wear them as she doesn’t like things on her head, but I do plan to get some and get her used to wearing them, we’re going on holiday next year and it will be her first time on a airplane, going through a airport and sitting on a coach, I’m kind of dreading the travel with them but my son has be asking for years to go on a airplane so don’t want them to miss out.
Walking outside I’ve realised we won’t get anywhere if I touch her, buggy’s she used to scream in, reins meltdowns and refusing to walk, so she walks and my eyes are always on her, I’m her barrier from where I don’t want her to go, sometimes it’s hard when she runs so I will have to touch her but she will have a meltdown, sometimes she will willingly hold my hand but it’s never for long, I avoid places that are to dangerous or where she can easily get lost, she has recently started sitting for long periods of times in her own little world while we’re out walking so I just let her have that time and for me to catch a breath 😂
Will all these appointments be offered when she gets seen by a paediatrician or can i arrange these myself? I think after my appointment with nursery she will want to put a ehcp in ready for school start, she has hinted that she’s done it for other children before starting school. But all in all I’ve been clinging to waiting for community paediatric to give me answers and a way forward

The school connected to the nursery is a small school at holds 15 in each year group, they’ve not always been great with this kind of support but this last year I can’t fault them with all the help they’ve offered, it’s like they’ve all had training on it so I do think she will be ok there but she will need more 1-1 than other children in her class, I’m having a meeting with nursery soon so I’m going to talk to her about extra support going forward because she has hinted at a lot of things but we’ve not sat down and had a proper chat about it. I have 5 children and all 3 of my youngest are with my current husband so I’m beginning to think mine and his genes don’t match because they all show signs of something and have got worse the more I’ve had with him

My holiday with my son when he was 1 or 2 was a nightmare!

Omg I’ve just read through these links they are so helpful and describe her so well, I’m going to try working through the things to try on there and see how we get on, but thank you so much you may have made my life abit easier

The nursery should be providing support now. They don’t need to wait.

You should arrange a GP appointment about the constipation.

A referral to a dietician may be suggested when DD sees the paediatrician but you shouldn’t wait because there will be a waiting list for paeds. In some areas you can self refer to dietetics. If you can’t the GP will be able to.

An OT assessment may be part of the paed assessment. Not all ICBs commission sensory OT, but if your area does you shouldn’t wait for the paed assessment because of the waiting list. Again, in some areas you can self refer, but if you can’t the GP will be able to.

You shouldn’t delay requesting an EHCNA. The process takes 20 weeks, but many have to appeal, sometimes more than once, and that takes a long time.

Your amazing! I have been searching for help for her for so long and you’ve come along and gave me all I need to know. The sensory link you sent me is great, its confused me for so long how my son and daughter are similar but so different at the same time, but they are highly sensory on different things on that link so it shows how they cope differently. I’m going to call the gp, I did originally contact the health visitor about her constipation and they just told me to give her this stuff to soften her pooh, but I think with her it’s much more than just being constipated, it’s the eating and refusing to go when there’s big changes, she didn’t go for well over a week when she started nursery. wow I didn’t realise EHCNA would take so long, I think I need to move my meeting with the nursery sooner so I can get things moving, it would be good if we could get it in place for nursery sooner, from what they tell me she is the same at nursery as she is at home, but it would be interesting to know what they’ve noted, the manager is also SENCo and she is the one that hints at different things and says about getting things in place for her so I think a meeting with her is a must. When I spoke with the gp about community paediatrician referral so did say if it comes back rejected there is other things they can do so I wonder if that’s separate referrals to other places

Another point, have you applied for DLA?

Not yet, I have been thinking about applying for dla for a while but I don’t know if it’s to soon because she’s not been seen by anyone for any type of evidence

My god you could of described my children, my 9 year old daughter is completely different to my youngest she is currently going through ASD assessment as she completely Masks in school pretends to like things to fit in, extremely quiet at home, likes her own space I could go on... we're as my 6 year old is a nightmare. Nonstop hypoactive, demanding, her way no way basically, extremely behind in school as she can't focus on one thing, only eats pot noodles hot dogs. It could go on..

You can use evidence from nursery and the paed referral. Have a look at Cerebra’s guide.