How to help DS with sports

xyz111 · 2024-04-21T19:21:10+00:00

My DS6 has asd/adhd. In mainstream school and doing well. However he does struggle with his emotions sometimes. He plays football on a Sunday with a team and he loves it, however he struggles when his team are losing. Today they lost by a lot and he got so frustrated and upset that he pushed over one of his team mates. I took him off the pitch immediately and explained that was totally unacceptable behaviour. But I'm looking for tips on how to help him not act like that in the future. I know it's really hard to help with their emotions, but anything anyone can suggest would be most appreciated.

Original poster

xyz111 · 22/04/2024 06:58

Bump, if anyone can help 😊

OP posts:

SalmonWellington · 22/04/2024 09:28

School may have an ELSA - basically someone trained in this sort of thing. Worth asking if he can have a session there.

Being able to identify your own emotions (something autitic people often struggle with) is a necessary first step. Molly Potter books or the Usborne 'all about' series can help here.

Ross Greene's collaborative problem solving approach can also help. The idea is that you talk about a specific incident when everyone's calm and (this is important) without assigning any blame and gigure out together (another crucial bit) what might be a better approach.

Football can be quite a tricky area to navigate, because some pushing, in context, is fine (small boys clatter into each other all the time) and some isn't.

On the other hand, football is also great for talking about winning and losing. Kylian Mbappé scored 4 goals in a world cup final - but still lost. Coventry City thought they'd beaten Man United last night, but then the goal was disallowed. West Ham lost 5-1 to Crystal Palace. Lots and lots of chances to talk through how losing is hard.

Headfirstintothewild · 22/04/2024 11:06

@SalmonWellington’s advice is good.

With the emotional literacy support, you could ask the school if they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work.

Is the difficulty with losing only related to sports? How is DS with board games? They would give you the opportunity to model losing and being upset and frustrated but not losing your temper if you talk out loud about your feelings when you lose.

Original poster

xyz111 · 22/04/2024 19:29

SalmonWellington · 22/04/2024 09:28

School may have an ELSA - basically someone trained in this sort of thing. Worth asking if he can have a session there.

Being able to identify your own emotions (something autitic people often struggle with) is a necessary first step. Molly Potter books or the Usborne 'all about' series can help here.

Ross Greene's collaborative problem solving approach can also help. The idea is that you talk about a specific incident when everyone's calm and (this is important) without assigning any blame and gigure out together (another crucial bit) what might be a better approach.

Football can be quite a tricky area to navigate, because some pushing, in context, is fine (small boys clatter into each other all the time) and some isn't.

On the other hand, football is also great for talking about winning and losing. Kylian Mbappé scored 4 goals in a world cup final - but still lost. Coventry City thought they'd beaten Man United last night, but then the goal was disallowed. West Ham lost 5-1 to Crystal Palace. Lots and lots of chances to talk through how losing is hard.

Yes we had the Man Utd game on yesterday and I was explaining that even really good players let goals in sometimes. It's just the way football is. He seems to get it, it's just in the here and now that's difficult.

OP posts:

Original poster

xyz111 · 22/04/2024 19:30

Headfirstintothewild · 22/04/2024 11:06

@SalmonWellington’s advice is good.

With the emotional literacy support, you could ask the school if they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work.

Is the difficulty with losing only related to sports? How is DS with board games? They would give you the opportunity to model losing and being upset and frustrated but not losing your temper if you talk out loud about your feelings when you lose.

Yes board games are the same. We even have to race up the stairs to bed at nighttime and he has to win 🤦🏻‍♀️.
I will speak to the senco though to see if they can offer any support.

OP posts:

Original poster

xyz111 · 22/04/2024 19:32

SalmonWellington · 22/04/2024 09:28

School may have an ELSA - basically someone trained in this sort of thing. Worth asking if he can have a session there.

Being able to identify your own emotions (something autitic people often struggle with) is a necessary first step. Molly Potter books or the Usborne 'all about' series can help here.

Ross Greene's collaborative problem solving approach can also help. The idea is that you talk about a specific incident when everyone's calm and (this is important) without assigning any blame and gigure out together (another crucial bit) what might be a better approach.

Football can be quite a tricky area to navigate, because some pushing, in context, is fine (small boys clatter into each other all the time) and some isn't.

On the other hand, football is also great for talking about winning and losing. Kylian Mbappé scored 4 goals in a world cup final - but still lost. Coventry City thought they'd beaten Man United last night, but then the goal was disallowed. West Ham lost 5-1 to Crystal Palace. Lots and lots of chances to talk through how losing is hard.

That's a good idea about working out what happened and what to do again next time. Maybe we could make a social story. Normally he runs off the pitch crying, which I can deal with as we talk and get him back on. But the physical actions needs to stop, otherwise he'll get removed from the team which I would hate (and so would he!!)

OP posts:

Headfirstintothewild · 22/04/2024 20:23

Speak to the coach too. It won’t be the first time they have met this.

And whilst working on it, I would have lots of practice at home with opportunities to win, lose and work together.