Do you have stock phrases ready for ignorant people? I need some suggestions!

[sheeps]

Hello, I've just been catching up on all the posts. My DS has just turned two and so we've been to a few parties and like some of the other people have said lately I find it really, really hard. It always amazes me that people can be so ignorant. Last week someone said in front of loads of people, "what's wrong with him?" and then when I said he had a rare chromosome disorder said "oh, something you and your husband passed on then", which in our case it isn't, is irrelevant anyway and just plain rude. (I guess they think it distances them from it ever happening to them.) I always try and be polite even though it really upsets me and I just want to tell them where to get off.

It made me think I need some pre-prepared put downs.. has anyone got any?

Uusually it starts with 'how old is he?', followed by 'is he your first?' which I presume implies I'm too stupid to know that he's not developing normally...

Thanks everyone

sheeps - sorry I don't have any advice as such, but just wanted to say that if I had been at that party and overheard that comment I would have very loudly told the other person how rude they were.

It's really difficult isn't it????

I think some people feel that you would rather they be blunt and other people just pretend not to notice when you can literally HEAR what they are thinking!!! both equally annoying

I always try and say "forgive my ignorance" and then ask questions rather than make assumptions out loud even though its human nature to assume from our own ignorance.

If someone asks in future "whats wrong with him?????" my initial response would be something like. "nothing considering he has chromosone disorder xxx" or you could evade it all together and say "oh he's fine today...you should see him when he really gets in a mood" then leave them to the embarrassment of pointing out they mean differently. I bet half of them would stop the conversation there!!!!!

Its when people say "Oh I dont know how you cope" blah blah blah....dont you feel like saying...."if I had a brat like yours I dont know how I would cope?????" Of course I NEVER would say that but the thought keeps me amused!!!

My sil [cow] was always commenting on my ds as he hums really loudly when concentrating on something he loves.She came in and started whinging about this and that,my son walks in takes one look at her and says " mum,you should start humming ,thats what I do to drown out the sound of her voice"Her face was an absolute picture and as for me.well I nearly wet myself for laughing.I love my boy!

PMSL Octavia

Usually if someone asks whats wrong with the boys, I bind them with medical terminology or a long long monologue about how (Ds3) nobody seems able toa ctually decide (I have a Very Cruel Streak LOL ), though sometimes i find piss off works well.

sheeps - in those sort of circumstances, where it's sheer nosiness, I don't see anything wrong with simply saying you don't want to discuss it! as if you give the factual explanation about chromosomes then you can open yourself up to further stupid comments/questions.

Thanks so much. Its amazing that in this world where we're so PC about so many things that disability is so way behind.

I usually get people who don't even mention ds for a few minutes, then they look at him and say "is he...." as if i should add that he is autistic.

so now when they say "is he..." i jump in with "beautifull? yes he is. he has the most stunning blue eyes."

they look at me so stunned that i didn't catch what they mean thatthey just say.."oh er yes he does" and walk off.

If asked whats wrong with him i would say "he's male. i did so dearly wish for a girl"

I find 'What the f*ck are you looking at?' works quite well.
Can't be doing with politenesss when Ds is in meltdown.

'Snout out' and a pleasant smile works well.

Also something along the lines of 'Gosh are you a paediatrician/neurologist/developmental specialist then?' looking genuinely thrilled.

Then enjoy watchnig them stutter and squirm.

One person who really annoyed me I shouted at in a very loud, very posh voice that she was judgemental and ignorant and needed to learn about special needs. But I didn't swear as then you lose the moral highground with onlookers. But as we left, I stood right in front of her and mouthed for her eyes only "fxxx off out of my face you ugly cxxx". God, that felt good! Only use however when there is no chance of a fight breaking out or when you could win if it did!

LOL at ancientmam.. that is exactly what I would love to say but i'm too polite.

Or I would love to say... my ds is disabled yours is just f**king ugly, but obviously i'm far too well mannered.

I have replied, when asked "whats wrong with him" . "Wrong, nothings wrong, he's perfect"
They looked confused & he is perfect in my eyes anyway.

If they ask what's wrong? Reply; What do you mean? and see them dig themselves into a bigger hole!
Telling someone they have made a very ignorant comment or have been insensitive isn't too impolite and gets across that actually they are very stupid and unfeeling.

some one asked me "whas wrong with him" once..i went into a total sarcastic tirade.."wrong?? wrong?? oh my god..he was fine when i took him out ofthe mental home..oh shit..the sisters are really going to beat him now.."

it works best when your child is also muttering something about "F*ing nuns"....

Disgusting ignorant people.
I just say severe brain damage and that shuts them up with embarrassment.

I would say "nothing. What's wrong with you?"

i would like to think that i would say something that would educate them to save the hassle of the next person they haraunge.(sp)

hasnt happened yet to us, really. if someoene is really ignorant to you, its not going to make much of a difference what you say, ignorance is a lifetime in the making, one comment from you wont change it, though it might make you feel good for the moment.

I've had people blantantly say in front of my dd who is severely physically disabled [and w/chair user] 'whats wrong with her?' I would look a lil bit puzzled and then say to Sal 'is anything wrong?' she then replies no with a smile and I say to the person ' shes o.k. just does'nt like shopping .
Only the really ignorant/thick people tend to take question to next level.

I go with sals reply, something funny but making sure that they don't know that you are bothered. I know this is different but when I had my twins i used to get so sick of people stating the obvious, so when they used to ask are these twins i used to say no, this one is mine I stole the other one. In France they have great signs for disabled parking spaces (my biggest bug bear when non disabled people take them) anyway the signs say Take my place then take my disability - much better than what we have -sorry a bit of a ramble reply

Thanks everyone, good to know you agree with me, sometimes I wonder whether I'm just too oversensitive. Moondog, what a great idea..!!

mine is ...

what do you expect from a pig but a grunt