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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

ADHD - This is not meant to offend and just want peoples opinions - NO CAT FIGHTS

17 replies

horseshoe · 28/03/2008 13:39

I say the above cause it is a fairly delicate subject. One that I know nothing about and so just asking for facts.

My BF DD is disruptive BUT if she was a boy...I wouldn't batter an eyelid at her behaviour. I dread when her and DD get together because DD follows her alot BUT it is the general climbing on things they shouldn't....bouncing off the walls after too much sugar etc.

Her DD is constantly in trouble at school but it is for general stuff like not listening or cant sit still. She always ruins clothes..comes out of school with paint and mud everywhere etc...

All of my nephews were like this at this age and I joke that she is a Tomboy. (she plays with all the boys at school)

My BF has started taking her to hospital for tests and it looks like she is being tested for ADHD.

Now i'm not saying that it doesn't exist but it is a fairly new diagnosis (never heard of it 10 yrs ago) and I'm just not sure that the above is ADHD. The doctors seem quite happy to diagnose it by what I am being told and that is what is shocking me!!

She is 5 and sleeps through the night and one of my other friends whos boy is diagnosed says he rarely sleeps.

What do you think??

OP posts:

nikos · 28/03/2008 14:05

What does you BF think? Does she agree with the diagnosis? Often children with these sorts of things are much better in social situations they know well. Your friend's dd might be much worse in other situations and is just not telling you. I would follow her lead to be honest - there's nothing worse than friends thinking you are making it up.

cory · 28/03/2008 14:42

I agree that you may not see the whole picture. Friends of ours had a child whom I used to think NT, just perhaps slightly spoiled and babied by her parents. Then she stayed with us the night- and it was quite clear that her behaviour was very different from that of an NT child in the same situation. The parents later told us of behaviour at school that really could only be explained by her diagnosis (Aspergers). But I expect it could have been covered by the words 'can't sit still'.

It was a humbling experience: I realised that her parents' techniques were not some sort of silly spoiling, but based on genuine day-to-day experience of what their daughter was actually capable of. Her diagnosis helped both her family and the school to know what they had to work with and to plan accordingly; it was definitely a positive thing for them.

bullet123 · 28/03/2008 14:43

She sounds quite like I was at her age. My diagnosis is Aspergers but apparently it's quite common for young children with Aspergers to first be given diagnoses of ADHD as they can show similar signs. I agree about not questioning the diagnosis, apparently some children with ADHD are primarily hyperactive, others are primarily inattentive (or at least appearing to be) whilst others still are a combination of the two.

deeeja · 28/03/2008 16:07

I have a 5 year old ds who behaves in a similar way to your bf dd. I have often wondered if my ds is just 'being a boy'. However yesterday he 'stabbed' a child with a felt tip pen for touching his art work, and today he threw his lunch at another child for touching his plate. These are the kind of things my ds is capable of under pressure, when things get a little too difficult for him. He just about copes with mornings at school, but after lunchtime chaos, he loses controll. The proximity of other children, the jostling in the playground, and it all gets too much for home. When the only thing he does at school is not sit still, and run around a bit, his teacher remarks he has been very good.
My ds has a verbal ds of aspergers disorder.

deeeja · 28/03/2008 16:08

gets too much for him....

deeeja · 28/03/2008 16:10

verbal dx........
sorry been a long day

SparklePrincess · 28/03/2008 17:37

Not enough info there to say for sure, but its certainly worth getting it checked out. My dd has ADHD & its really hard to get girls dx because they are not generally as hyper as a boy would be with ADHD. If she gets a dx of ADHD then its pretty certain she has it. I was lucky that CAMHS spotted my dd had ADHD & I didnt have to fight for it.

Blossomhill · 28/03/2008 17:38

Who would honestly want to label their child with such a dx unless they really believed they had it???

KarenThirl · 28/03/2008 18:14

Horseshoe, if your friend has reached the stage where she's looking into assessment for her daughter then it suggests she's had concerns for some time and has probably done some research into ADHD and behavioural disorders. The likelihood is she hasn't shared all her worries with you and as others have said you probably won't know the full picture. It's horrible to have a child with behaviour problems but no dx, it feels as though you're making excuses for bad behaviour because there's no medical reason as yet to explain it. Please try to be supportive to your friend because she'll probably be having a tough time and I'd imagine she'd appreciate having someone on her side.

coppertop · 28/03/2008 18:20

The thing with SNs is that no two people with the same dx will ever be affected in exactly the same way. Just because another friend's ds with ADHD does/doesn't do something it doesn't necessarily follow that the dd will be the same. My two boys are like chalk and cheese yet both have the same dx as each other.

Original poster

horseshoe · 28/03/2008 19:03

Thnx for your replies.

the question of support is probably my main concern. She has NO family support what-so-ever which creates a problem in itself. BF suffers from depression and panic attacks and it was because of the doctors visits for this that Docs referred her DD.

From what I see, parenting is a big issue. She lets an awful lot of things go such as DD running off round corners on the way home from school etc.....She doesn't seem to call her back or anything and just lets her go. Part of me thinks that is a result of her DD being soooo hyper constantly but she has NEVER seemed to notice these things IYSWIM. When my DD went through that stage I thretened to put her in baby reins and scared her silly with tales of kids getting run over or grabbed (She only had nightmares for a month or so )

I want to be supportive but I am also extremly concerned that she is able to blame DD's behaviour for her depression which isn't helping her at all and I was hoping to maybe show her indirectly of course, alternative methods to cope. However, if she does get a DX....how do you help with the depression? Will they give her DD medication to calm her??? I have to admit I am completely ignorant when it comes to this.

OP posts:

KarenThirl · 28/03/2008 19:08

It is possible to have depression and not able to cope, AND have a child with ADHD. It's not as simple as one or the other. If she has a full assessment for her daughter it will uncover which areas are down to parenting and which are medical.

cyberseraphim · 28/03/2008 19:10

I don't know much about ADHD or how it is diagnosed but if she has been referred to a hospital then someone must have concerns other than the parent as I know from experience it is very very difficult to get a diagnosis for a developmental or behavioural disorder. I'm sorry if I have misunderstood but in the OP you said she had started 'taking' her to the hospital as if it was an easy thing to do - which unfortunately it isn't.

nikos · 28/03/2008 19:40

It's fairly common for people to think that behavioural problems are just down to bad parenting. You have said yourself that the dd is a nightmare when she comes to your house.
If the dd seems to be unaffected by 'tellings off' and the behaviour keeps coming back then I think there is probably something there. I'd put money on you not knowing the full story.

Original poster

horseshoe · 28/03/2008 20:17

Yes I think thats where my ignorance comes into it. I want to support her so much but I just dont understand at all. Unfortunately she NEEDS support and there is none for her. BUT i dont know the right things to say. Like I said earlier...if her DD was a boy....I would not raise an eyelid to her behaviour and so you are probably right that I dont see the whole thing.

So far she has had 2 appointments and no DX but from what she is saying the hospital have been quite quick to lean towards ADHD....unless they have said a comment that she has taken out of context.....

Does anyone know of any support groups that I could maybe suggest to her?

OP posts:

nikos · 28/03/2008 21:47

Actually you don't need to say anything, just listen and ask questions about her appointments etc. Is she on her own? You could offer to go to the assessments with her as an extra pair of ears is always good. There will be loads of parent support groups online and in real life once she knows what she is dealing with.

magso · 31/03/2008 12:35

Your bf should be able to get a list of support groups (national and local) from the local parent partnership (lea).
Parenting style usually adapts to the child,( as mine has for my ds!) so it may be your friend has to limit the rules she enforces to match her childs ability. For instance she may not call her dd back, because dd cannot listen whilst also running, but may work on not running off in quieter 'training' sessions!

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