Just had horrible time with my son

[MrsSnape]

I posted this on parenting but it sort of fits here too as he is being assessed for ADHD.

Anyway I just took my son and his older brother to tesco and he was completely wild, diving in and out of clothes hangers, darting around the aisles, shouting and laughing manically...I kept telling him off, grabbing hold of him, trying to talk to him, warning him...everything just made him worse. People were looking at me and in the end I just ignored him and let him carry on, at least then people were not sure whether he was with me or not.

And then at the tills he climbed up onto the window ledge and started running up and down the windows (its quite high), I was stuck at the till and couldn't make him get down and my attempts at talking him down were met with more laughter and rude comments. In the end he was told off by a tesco worker which was embarrassing...he got off eventually and then as soon as her back was turned he was up again.

When I finished at the till I rushed over to him and shouted at him to get down and then this little girl started imitating my voice saying "get down now" over and over again. It was so embarrassing. I must have looked like a common fishwife.

I'm getting to the point where I really don't want him around. He shows me up everywhere we go. People have a go at me about him but I can't control him. He embarrasses me, he embarrasses his brother, I can't visit family with him because I get so shown up, I can't take him to friends houses because of the way he is, I even dread going to the shops and the hairdressers.

I just wish he could go and live with his dad, even if it was just for a few months so I could have a break. Sometimes I don't even like him. He turns me into something I hate. God knows what the neighbours must think.

Last night he was playing me up until gone 11pm, he went to bed at 7pm. In the end I lost it and screamed at him to go to sleep and he burst out laughing.

He is supposed to be under a behavioural team but they're useless.

What can I do? I just wish he could go and stay somewhere else for a while.

He's 7 by the way but acts like a 2 year old.

Taking any child to Tesco is asking for trouble in my view. A quick visit to get a couple of items you need, for example golden syrup so you can make a certain type of biscuit/cake, is fine... but spending more than 1/2 hour in a large store is a nightmare. As an adult, I try to avoid the big stores... far prefer my small local Budgens, and farm shop.
Have you tried online shopping? Could you get Tesco to deliver the essentials... then top-up with shorter duration visits to the store, or to local retailers.

Can you get any respite at all - even for a few hours, by say having a babysitter stay with him at home? Every parent needs a break from their children from time to time.

Bedtime - take a look at his bedtime routine, does there need to be any changes, such as starting it later if he is not tired.
Don't expect him to sleep... he may not need anywhere near the amount of sleep that you do. But do make it clear to him that while he can play in his bedroom... it is nighttime, and he is to stay in his room.
Avoid discussing things too much... use simple language. Use commands, and use his name to start the command... so things such as "Thomas, go bedroom now" (your child may not be Thomas of course). The sentence may not make perfect sense to you, but it includes the key words... Go (command) bedroom (where), now (when/time-scale).
Firm and consistency I find are key.

Hi Mrs Snape, you poor thing you sound exhausted! I don't think you should worry about what your neightbours or other shoppers think, it's really none of their business. I have arrived home in tears after supermarket runs because of my naughty children too. Have you talked it over with his Dad? Also you say that he shows you up in front of your family but are they supporting you? You can't be calm all day if you've spent all eveing trying to get him into bed. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Poor ypu, Is ay that from experience- you just described my eldst (8), fortunately we have a dx we can shove in peoples faces.

Totally agree with getting things delivered- we do that a lot now, it's just far easier.

i think from your post that you need to get some support in place for yourself. Living with a child like this is hard work but you won't get anywhere until you can regain some form of relationship with him. You're probably I would imagine going through the depressiona nd bereavement process that comes with having a child diagnosed with SN, and you mustn't feel youa re to blame for that- you must however get some help. Go to see your GP, you may or may not choose tot ake Anti depressants if they are considered right for you but you must come away with a referral to a counsellor.

I feel so useless with ds1 at times (I don't though with ds3 who is more severely delayed but just doesn't have the behavioural problems of ds1), and someytimes the relatinship with him is strained. When that happens I find faking it for a few days makes a huge difference- fake as much love and attention as you can, really smother them with it, and I find the actual relationship and feelings flood back and the behaviour improves too.

from me.

Mrs snape, totally sympathise with you. My DS is 7 and has no formal diagnosis BUt we suspect ASD/ADHD.
My DS does not cope very well in publis either and yesterday he also caused problems on a shopping trip except i had to actually wrestle him to the floor in order to restrain him as he was hitting himself and grabbing coat hangers and threatening to poke his eys out. Its so hard to know what to do and TBh i dont know what to tell you as we still have no clue. Does oyur DS have any sort of diagnosis or is this new behaviour?

Thanks for the replies, I have updated this on the parenting forum too but to answer the replies here...

He is suspected to have some form of ADD/ADHD but nobody seems to want to help. The school said it will be months before the ed psyc can assess him and the mental health referal was a complete waste of time.

I do get a break every fortnight when he goes to his dads but I feel it more in the holidays when I'm with him all day every day. During term time he's at school so it doesn't seem as 'full on'.

My mum is having them for a couple of nights next week too

I'm also going to look into his diet and make changes there.

I wouldn't wait for school to get the Ed Psych on the case. You can get your GP to refer you to your local CAMHS team (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) and do it yourself. Don't rely on your son's school to have the answers or know where to get them. More often than not they don't know what they're dealing with.

I agree with KarenThirl, get your GP to refer you to CAMHS. If you wait for the school to involve the Ed Psych it could take an age, and like already stated, a vast majority of schools havnt a clue what they are dealing with. Do not let GP fob you off either as being a paranoid mother, give GP the worst case senario's..... hopefully you will be well supported, but I will warn you, you may have a fight on your hands. Easier said than done, but keep calm and have 'me time'. Get friends/family to take charge while you have a few hours for yourself, this is very important and will keep you sane! Good luck xx hugs xx