How do you explain Aspergers to your dc's friends parents?

[Marne]

Hi, we have been told dd1 has aspergers syndrome. Recently i have made friend with a lady up the road who has a dd the same age as dd1 (they will be starting school together in september), anyway we have been to their house a few times and they have been to ours. Our dd's seem to get along but dd1 can be very paticular about playing games (they have to be played by the rules or she gets upset), she can also be a bit bossy, things have to be in the right place in a certain order.

Today the little girl came over to play and then her mumm came over, dd1 started getting upset about stupid little things (like a chair being put in the wrong place), i thought i would tell my neighbour about dd's aspergers, i told her that dd thinks in a differant way to most children and she has to play games by the rules etc...

Im just worried that my neighbour my think aspergers is an excuse for dd's behaviour.

Alot of people don't understand what aspergers is and sometimes i feel like people look at me like i am a bad parent with a naughty child

How do you explain to people that your child is not naughty she has Aspergers?

Hi Marne,

To be totally honest, i would just leave things as they are.

Lots of children of this age are quite controlling, i also thinks that people persume my DD is just plain rude and naughty (shes 5 and has Aspergers).

I also find it very difficult to find the right way to eplain DDs AS to other people. I often find it uncomfortable telling people about why she is differant, when she doesnt yet know that she is, IYKWIM.

There are a few good basic books that explain AS in a very matter of fact sort of way, i will have a quick google and post some links.

Hope this helps.

Here.

www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Tell-About-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/customer-reviews/1843102064/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_ac r_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&customer-reviews.start=1&qid=1206642398&sr=8-2#customerReviews

I don't know if this is the right thing to do or if there is a right way, but I tell anyone that has direct contact with ds1 that he has itbecause I believe the information is necessary - I would hate people to judge him for behaviour that is a result of his aspergers.
I just say ' I don't know if you've noticed that ds1 is a little unusual, but I thought you should know he has a dx of aspergers syndrome' if they ask for clarification I say it a condition at the less severe end of the autistic spectrum that effects the way he thinks and means he has problems with socialising/speech/understanding and expressingemotion/changes in routine/ anything that has relevence to them -eg what food he will eat if he's going for tea!I find it helps to point out that although he gets frustrated when things don't go his wayhe has never hit another child other than his siblings!
I think the word 'autism' helps because that is far more well known than aspergers syndrome and mentioning the various professionals you see adds weight to what you say.
Some people I don't tell -god knows what the barber thinks!
Strangers often judge my ds1 as naughty, but I don't think any of the people I've chosen to tell do now.

Bit different I know, but I have a similar issue explaining to other adults about myself. Found a video on youtube which helps (though i'm not exactly the same as the person portrayed in the video).

Perhaps therefore there may be other videos on youtube, which you could suggest people watch to get a better understanding of your dd's special gift.

Speaking from the outside, I'd say it makes life a lot easier if you do explain it, just very briefly. 'She has Aspergers, she thinks differently, this is the sort of situation that might result'. Explaining beforehand is always easier than dealing with the aftermath.
I have already described elsewhere the situation we found ourselves in when hosting a sleepover for a child with Aspergers, without having been told. If we had known, we could easily have organised it in a way to make it a happy occasion for both the guest and our own dd; instead we assumed that the child could have the same level of independence as other 9yos and it turned into a bit of a nightmare, particularly for our dd.
Once we found out about her diagnosis, we did not judge her (of course not), nor would we have judged her if we had been told beforehand. But we could have done things better.