Trying time out

[kreamkrackers]

Put this in the behaviour area but as dd1 has sn i'd like opinions from this area as well please.

My 2 children have been awful lately with their behaviour, it's been bad but in the last month it's 10 times worse. I've decided to use the playpen that is just used for storing toys for time out instead. I'm thinking of putting it in the other side of the living room so the children can't communicate with one another whilst they're in there.

Dd1 will be 4 in May but she has sn so she is more like an 18 month old in development. Dd2 is 20 months old but as she was 11 weeks early she should be nearly 18 months old.

Should I give warnings before putting them in?
If so how many?
How long should I be putting them in for?
Should I explain why they're going in there?
Should I try to get them to appologise?

Sorry I'm asking all these questions but I'm so confused over it, dd1 looks blankly when I tell her off, for example she takes a toy from dd2 and pushes her over making dd2 cry and when i tell dd1 not to do that as it makes dd2 upset she just goes off to her own world. Or if i tell dd2 off, for example she's climbing dangerously on the top of the settee i tell her off only to have her scream in my face for telling her off.

At the moment life is really hard with them both and this is the only thing i can think of doing which might make life that little bit easier but i'm unsure on how to handle the time out part and i don't want to mess it up and make it worse for us all.

Or if there is any other advice which i might be able to use to help me with my girls could you please let me know.

TIA

Hi

Both are at a really tricky age anyway whether there is SN involved or not. To me 20 months does seem a bit young but others might not be of that opinion. I think that you give them the timeout time for one minute for every year they are - so 20 months = 1 minute (or one and a half); 4 = 4 minutes.

Yes definately give warnings but don't do too much talking. Keep it simple. so if DD1 takes toy of DD2 immediately take the toy off 1, say - 'No DD2 was playing with that - You have it later (emphasise the later). Give toy back to DD2 and involve DD1 in something else.

I think you need to just use and emphasis key words such as
Well done, good girl, thank you, please, no, no pushing, later, stay.

I know it sounds awful but its a bit like dog training at this age - their language and understanding is unformed and limited so you need to be very firm and keep it simple. However easier said than done and I have been (and still can) the howling screaming banshee of the wesern world (mind you - sometimes that worked!)

Thanks flyingmum.

I have been using key words but they don't seem to be getting through. Dd1 learnt the word "mine" from school so everything was then hers then they taught her "my turn" but she still doesn't understand how to use this as she takes things off dd2 saying "my turn". Before that she used to just say "thankyou" and take things off dd2. I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over again and getting no where. I try to keep things simple but i still feel she doesnt quite understand what I'm saying as she has a blank look on her face or goes off to her own world.

I have tried getting dd1 to do something else when she has taken a toy off dd2 but she seems to have a 2 second memory with it and goes straight back over to take the toy off dd2 again. It doesn't matter what dd2 has she wants everything she has even if it's just to have it.

Also I would like to put dd1 in time out for 4 minutes but then i think of her development age and as it's only 18 months would it be fair to put her in there for 4 minutes?

pipinjo - dd1 has digeorge syndrome but i believe she is autistic as well but due to the special needs she has with the digeorge syndrome they won't check her for this yet which is really fustrating.

I think not talking to them will work best but i thought this would be seen as a big no no - glad to hear it isn't