School trip has been worrying me abit.

[hadtonamechange2]

I think this Monday is going to push me over the edge, and yet it's going to sound like a really trivial problem considering the bigger problems that others face.

Well not so much over the edge, but it's been worrying me too much, more than I should allow it to.

Ds(HFA 8 yrs) is going on school trip on Monday. I just know before he even gets there that he's going to be the big entertainment for a few others. He's a real pain at school, the LSA always needing to be closeby. He doesn't care or think ahead of the punishments that he could recieve through his behaviour.

Problem is......I've been invited to go. What joy

The only way I can control him at the moment is warning him that he'll have no computer for the evening, (I do though have to give this warning several times before he'll react). At home, once I've told him the punishment he'll errupt into the biggest tantrum I've seen, but it's behind closed doors, and we can deal with it. If he's being aggresive etc at park then I automatically remove him, ignoring the shouting and physical outbursts.

So........how am I meant to control him on Friday in front of teachers and parents when, whatever method I use is going to create a war, I can give him his allownace of 3 warnings, but after that I'm buggered. I can't just drag him away on a school trip, but I feel that I'm going to be judged on exactly how I deal with this problematic child.

Oh dear, I've just read that back and it sounds like I'm so cold calling ds a 'problematic child'. He will be on that particular day but at other times I just love being with him.

Would it be possible for you to take him there by car? That way you at least have some sort of an escape plan.

It didn't sound cold at all btw.

Cor, you're up late

Good idea. It's an hours drive away though, and I don't want them to think that I'm already defeated IYKWIM, by letting them think that I can't manage ds for the day. I'm hoping I'm being paranoid, but I worry that they want to see what disciplinary measures I use, and TBH not alot when I've got no get out clause!

What I mean is that most of the time I have to remove ds from the situation before I can even think about calming him down.

I actually didnt let DS go on a trip because of this reason. i was told i had to go with DS (8 in july)(suspected ASD) BUT i knew the whole day was going to cause too many problems with change of routine and being in such large groups in strange surroundings etc. i also knew that having me with him would be a trigger for the unacceptable behaviour and i knew i would not have coped at all. We ended up not going! Not the best solution but the only one for us at the time. Agree about taking car so you can initiate time out and also have a get out clause if it really isnt working out for you.

Thing is, I didn't take him to the last school trip. I feel I can't just not go, they've put in a tremendous effort with ds, and I just feel obligated for us to go. He just reacts like that with everyone, but I feel they are going to look at me with the answers.

'invited' or required

If invited then leave it up to them. If required then it suggests that they can't cope with him out and about so if they start to judge you can poke their eyes out with knitting needles.

I was required to do a school trip with ds1 when he was in mainstream and it was a bloody nightmare. I don't think the teachers judged though I think they were just pleased they didn't have to deal with him.

Now where did I put those knitting needles

Hmm, I would say it's more of a requirement

I've asked a few other parents that have children who are statemented if they've been asked to go, and they haven't

I can't help feeling that I'm going to be judged with the way I handle ds. Telling him he'll have no computer for the day is the only punishment that actually has some effect, but once he knows that's going to happen he totally flips, and I can't take that chance when I'm in a situation like that. He rans off and screams, and I'm going to look like a right idiot running after him, and I can't exactly just drag him home neither. Oh I've already said all of this haven't I? I want to crrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

I teach children with special needs and think that it sounds unfair to expect you to go on the trip. I would be asking myself who will the trip benefit. If you are going to find it stressful, your DS is likely to find it stressful and the school do not feel that they would be able to cope then is going the best thing for anyone?

I totally agree that the school would have no right in judging you for however you dealt with this trip if they are unable to take your DS without you.

I also think that if you decide to go on the trip then taking the car is a great option. It does not show that you can not control your DS instead it shows that you have an effective strategy for dealing with the situation. Why not speak to the school and tell them your concerns and tell them how you are going to deal with any problems. If you then follow through with the strategies that work for you then no one can be under the misconception that you can not handle the situaton.

Just an idea but could he have a chart with 3 spots on velcro. If he loses all three he does not have the computer BUT he can also earn back some of the spots for good behaviour. This may mean he does not reach meltdown and he can win and lose spots all day so you remain in control.

Does he like going on trips? What is the educational outcome of the trip and will he benefit from that?

My son threw a HUGE wobbly on a school trip he went on in year 3 (mainly because the sodding LSA wouldn't let him eat his sandwich - if she had he wouldn't have done grrr) but anyway because he LIKES going on trips he was told if he EVER behaved like that again then it was curtains for school trips he became and angel personified. Also for the next trip it wasn't too far so we took him to the place a couple of weeks earlier so he knew where he was going. We did this just for the journey for the next couple of trips he did (including a residential) in year 4 and it really worked. Is there any possiblity you could take him this weekend - walk him round - show him where the loos, etc, are and explain expectations to him.

The idea of the velcro spots is really good and clearly visual without you having to 'nag'. Also my son always behaves far worse when I am around and was far more likely to blow a gasket with me than with anyone else - he also really hates home intruding on school and visa versa so seizes up completely if we go and watch him in something at school and gets really twitchy on parent's evenings, etc. Will his usual TA/support be there as well and if so is it more likely that he's going to have fun playing you both off one another?

I think if he hates school trips or the stress level for him and you outweighs any educational advantage, I think he should be 'ill' Other than that can you get the timetable for the day, go by car and just go for a bit of it - say an hour and promise computer when he gets home if he has been good. That way its been a positive experience for everyone.

lorisparkle, great idea about being able to earn back his 'spots'. Now why didn't I think of that? Thanks

flyingmum, ds doesn't ever like the idea of going on any of the school trips, wherever it is, but I think it's the uncertainty of it all that stresses him. Once he's there he might enjoy it but you can never tell with ds, just little things could set him off. Good idea also about taking him beforehand, but I don't think it's open to the general public. But I'll rememeber that should he go on the next school trip.

Thanks all for your advice

Hope everything goes well for you..... (as usual the idea about earning back spots was 'stolen' from another teacher!!! but hope it works)