Mumsnet Book on Toddler: Special Needs information

[morningpaper]

Hello all,

As you probably know, MNHQ has tasked me with editing a Mumsnet Guide to Toddlers.

In this book we want to have a section on Special Needs, with paragraphs on:

• What are the signs?
• Autism
• ADHD
• Coming to terms with diagnosis
• Special issues with coping with a SN toddler

Most of the books on the market seem to contain this information, and they do seem to be common questions.

I'd be grateful for your thoughts on this section because I have no knowledge of these areas and I feel rather like I've been asked to write a few paragraphs on horse-racing. And to be blunt I really don't want people to feel as though I am mis-representing their advice.

I'd be grateful for your thoughts on what sort of advice you think would be appropriate and useful.

If you've got ANY questions about ANY aspect of this, please ask, or CAT me.

MP X

Hi MP

Will this be the same format as the other MN books i.e with quotes taken from posts?

My gut instinct when looking at the sections you have is that you need to define what you mean by Special needs. Here on the SN board it covers such a wide range of things from Austism to cerebral palsy and you are going to get different issues with all of them. It could be quite a difficult section to make coherent I'd have thought, unless you make it very specific (I.e just autism or asd type disorders) or have very general advice.

I'll have a think on some of the areas later if I get time and see if I can find some useful threads.

Hi Heartinthecountry

Thanks for responding. (I am terrified of venturing on the SN boards with this request. )

I think the special needs in question are ones which will appear at toddler-time. The other toddler books generally cover things like ADHD and autism. It will be very general advice, I think more about signs. There seem to be occasional threads with parents worrying about toddler's behaviour and worrying that it might be a sign of ASD type behaviour.

The suggested paragraphs ARE very suggestive, so if you think there are better paragraphs then I'd be grateful for your ideas.

I think this is a REALLY hard section to write, not just because I am personally ignorant of these issues, but also because each case is so different that (unlike potty training etc) it very hard to condense advice into bullet-points etc.

However this is covered in other books so I do want to have Mumsnet view of these issues as part of this book. There is so much great advice (and I know that the MN SN boards have been singled out for praise) and I would like to convey a bit of that, if only so that people can come to the boards if they need more information.

Look forward to hearing from you later on!

oh sorry I ignored your first question!

The format will be more like other parenting books, i.e. in chapters with sections, but with quotes from MNers throughout the text tied together with narratives.

In general, for each chapter I am putting a loose structure in place, then going through squillions of threads and copying and pasting good advice and general points, and then tying it all together with narrative.

is this just behavioural?

or are we talking physical SN as well?

because if yer toddler isn't actually toddling, that can be a sign of something...

v. true Cappucino

It is coming under the 'Health' chapter, but the interpretation is loose

I suppose my main question is what sort of common questions arise for worried parents-of-toddlers-with-suspected-SN - so either behavioural or physical comes into that category

oh you see now I am stuck because I can't remember

it was years ago

[senior moment]

ARGH you must REMEMBER

I am wildly out of my depth here

I was drinking a lot at the time

actually that would be my strongest advice

there was a thread a few days ago about a woman who was struggling to cope - she thought she has post-traumatic stress disorder - and that was a good one to look at

just about the stages that you go through emotionally

will look for it

Toddlerhood can often be the time when a suspected SN is actually diagnosed or (in our case) where a diagnosis that we've had for a while becomes something that starts to take shape in a more real way - or a more public way anyway. I can sort of see now how DS's life will be different, whereas it was only theoretical before. Yes - daunting to write.

I think the common themes are more about things like DLA, education provision, becoming a 'carer' , work and the devastating effect having a child with SN has in a lot of careers, respite, relationships etc. I know there's a lot of talk of ASDs here as they're comparatively common (I go to other places to chat to parents whose children have visual impairments) - but you could write a whole book about ASDs alone, let alone all of the many other types of SN. Could you not structure the section around the stuff we all experience, whatever the SN, instead?

I am finding it hard not to say "aaaah this will all pass, just crack open the wine" as the answer to ALL toddler-related problems

Fiofio that sounds about right I think, yes

yes yes pushiness Fio is right

here is the thread

you need to push for all the practical help you can get, and the financial, and not see this as confirming your worst fears but as helping your child

and you have to tell everyone, not hide away, and get out there to the toddler groups and learn to live with the fact that it is always going to be different. It's impossibly hard but you can't go to toddler groups and pretend that nothing is wrong and hope no-one will notice. Some people are incredibly stupid but others are wonderful and it will sort out your friends from the pillocks

and if anyone comes up with that bloody Holland thing I will personally smack them

crimplene I like your ideas a lot, I need to give that some thought

yes crimplene does have a good point

you can know your dc has a physical disability but it's not staring you in the face when they are all sitting on a playmat

toddlerhood is when it starts to bite

I have made my views on the Holland metaphor rather vocally known on here before

we don't need to go there again

@ Miriam Stoppard

(although have never quite recovered from her advising that women in labour should make sandwiches for their husbands)

Yeah, the Holland thing is far too often quoted. I was especially miffed to see it in something I read recently published by DfES. I like this one, but it's not so multi-purpose:

Unrolled

At birth, experts scrutinise us
for signs of deformity.
Don't they know
our mothers always make us
just a little asymmetrical
for luck, like a Persian rug.

Clare Midgley

Also it might be worth mentioning that in some cases it can take a very long time to get a diagnosis.

You may know that there is something unusual about your toddler- they don't quite seem to be walking, moving, talking, interacting like other toddlers.

But what is clear to you, living with the child 24/7, may not be quite so easily apparent to a GP who sees them for 5 minutes and may have preconceived ideas of his own.

Also, a lot of SN take specialist skills to diagnose- so you need to find that specialist. Fio had an excellent suggestion here.

Apart from autism and ADHD, there are quite a few physical SNs that become apparent at the toddler stage: anything that interferes with walking (like connective tissue disorders) may show up at this stage, also hearing or speech problems (many children are diagnosed with hearing problems when they fail to develop speech).

Maybe something about dealing with other parents: toddlerhood is a time when competitive parenting is ripe (what Libby Purves refers to as mum-up-man-ship); how do you deal with that when your toddler is not meeting then milestones?

If you think something is wrong trust you're gut feeling don't be put off by people telling you ''all children are different"

For autism the CHAT test (checklist for autism in toddlers - type CHAT into google and you'll get it- there'll be some legal source you can quote). If your 18 month old doesn't 'pass' insist on referral to a developmental paediatrician.