Not sure where to start with helping DS

[MamaAndTheSofa]

DS is 9 (almost 10), and attends a mainstream school. We suspect he has ASD, but we're still waiting for an assessment. He's been doing ok in school, but his difficulties with communication are becoming more pronounced, and I don't really know how to help him.

He's fairly bright; gets very high scores in maths/numeracy, and can read well (I.e. he can read fluently and has a wide vocabulary). His literacy scores are lower, mainly due to his level of comprehension being not great. His spelling is horrendous; he just writes everything phonetically, and refuses to accept that that's not how things are spelled.

His communication skills are very poor - he doesn't really engage with his classmates, though he describes them all as his friends and he seems to want to join in. He's in a lovely class of children who try to help him join in, but he just doesn't really know how to interact. He also struggles to ask for help when he needs it, and is very bad at talking about himself.

He's very gentle and sweet, a really pleasant, polite and funny child - his teacher (who has worked really hard for him, advocated for him, and built a good relationship with him) says she's seeing more and more of his personality as time goes on, and she finds him adorable.

We're starting to think about the transition to secondary, and I'm getting very scared for him. We're in an area with a transfer test; we have several good grammar schools nearby, and one huge secondary with a bad reputation - I think he'd be eaten alive there, to be honest. His teacher has said that he's capable of grammar school work, but he's not doing as well as he could because his communication skills are so lacking. We think he'd do well in a grammar school; he'll probably find English and arts a bit tough, but we think he could do very well at science and maths etc. once he gets to GCSE level.

He can be a bit of a daydreamer, and that's affecting his work. Even in maths, sometimes he scores low marks because he spent 10 minutes of a 15 minute test staring into space. School are keen to get a classroom assistant for him, but currently there just aren't enough adults to keep nudging him.

Sorry this is so long; I just don't have anyone I can talk to in real life. I guess my question is, how can I help him? Are there any good resources/books etc out there that would help me to navigate all of this? Any to avoid? How can I help him to communicate with other kids his own age? How can I give him confidence to speak up in class? How can I help him concentrate on things even if he's not keen on them? (He has decent focus generally, until he drifts off; if he enjoys something he can spend hours on it without a break).

Any advice is welcome!

Does he have an ehcp in place?

Nothing official yet; school are working on it and pushing to get something in place. In the meantime they're trying various things, some more successful than others. His teacher has found that using hand signals (thumbs up, thumbs down etc) is working quite well for checking in on how he's doing. He's also much better when he has an adult working with him, but obviously they don't have enough people to just sit with him all day.

Your DS sounds like a lovely boy :)

My DS9 has similar problems, he's bright and good at Maths and reading but has issues with gross motor and executive function skills. He's in Year 4 at a primary in Wales and has recently been put on the Neurodiversity pathway, meaning the LA has accepted he has ALN but he has not formal diagnosis yet (possibly DCD/ASD/ADHD or a combination) which at this rate might not be until he is in high school anyway.

His class teacher is running this LEANS programme for the whole class https://salvesen-research.ed.ac.uk/leans which I couldn't recommend enough. I've found the videos useful myself and hopefully will help the whole class and teachers understand more about the neurodivergent children amongst them. They have help on the website of how to approach your own school about running the programme.

I too am worried about secondary school. Watching with interest!

What support is the school providing?

Has DS had SALT and ed psych assessments?

Your use of transfer test makes me wonder if you are in NI? If so, you should apply for a statutory assessment.

Yes, we're in NI. He's had SALT and Ed Psych assessments (just recently) and school have put their suggestions in place (things like movement breaks, various visual aids etc - we're still trying to figure out what works best). We've applied for statutory assessment, so waiting for that.

The assessments from the statutory assessment should help with knowing what support DS needs. Did they not cover what support DS needed with communication and interaction? Was assistive technology/specialist software suggested? For example, there are ones that can help with writing/spelling. Has DS had an OT assessment?

A Statement of SEN should help with ensuring the provision required is actually put in place e.g. it can ensure there is a 1:1 to keep DS on track.

Thanks - I'll look into that programme. It's so hard to think about secondary, isn't it? He's so well looked after in primary school, and really I can see him needing that sort of care for a few years into secondary too; he's just that bit less mature than his peers.

We're fortunate that he's in a smallish class (18 kids - and they have 2CAs as well as the teacher, so not a bad ratio) and the class are generally really lovely, supportive kids. I just don't know what secondary will bring.

The Ed Psych recommended that he should have a 1-1 assistant for a period of time, to help him get started on tasks and stay focussed. They've also suggested a few things like movement breaks etc which school have put in place and which do seem to be helping.

Luckily the school is very good with any kind of additional needs (it has 2 SEN units, and they're quite flexible at letting the mainstream kids use the SEN resources when they need to - the kids all mix together well, so there's no sense of DS being the "odd one out" - there a plenty of kids in the school who have their own "wee ways" and generally teachers and kids are great at accepting that and working with it).