Do you always explain your DCs disability?

[Shells]

I'm interested to know what other parents do about this - especially those of you with kids with 'invisible' disabilities. DS2 has a significant speech and language delay. But he looks perfectly NT (if there is such a thing) and is constantly being spoken to as if he can understand everything a NT 4 year old could. So for example, in the supermarket yesterday he was lying on the floor in the aisle, being annoying. A staff member came up and jokingly said to him 'I'll keep you here overnight if you don't get up' . Then she repeated it as DS2 didn't respond as way too complicated for his language skills. I really couldn't be bothered to explain to her what the problem was. I guess I was partly dreading the well meaning/inappropriate response. But should I have?
I always tell people straight away that he has SN if they are going to spend time with him. But I'm interested in what you all do for casual encounters.

depends on circumstances and mood.
And it has changed over the years. I have been through the 'figure it out you twat' stage and the 'take a seat while i talk you through my sons multiple diagnosis''. I am much happier about it now and respond as the situation seems to require.
I think in general I am more likely to explain to people who are, or at least seem, nice

My DD has a visable disability in that she has no left forearm. I am increasingly mean

The older people at the shopping counters like to roll up her sleeves so I let them. Gives them the shock of their lives normally

Occassionally I have been demanded where it has gone to which I reply "Damn I knew I left something at home"

Once I was walking the dog and a boy pointed it out. He was a teenager and I told him the dog had bitten it off to which he quickly walked away muttering that the thing should be muzzled.

I found that the more you try to explain....whatever the SN...the more people try to relate their own sorry tales on you of "well I knew a girl......" and "my daughters friend was born with......and then they come up with something totally unrelated. I dont mind usually but not when out shopping. plus I dont want DD to grow up being too serious about it!

Oh no, we have it all to come!

As DD is only 20 months and can walk, it's not obvious anything is different about her unless she's wearing her hearing aid, in which case, we often have to explain what it is, (and in the case of one particularly demented shop assistant, where she got her 'lovely hair band'). When I explain she has developmental delay and can't speak, we get the 'catching up' storyeither someone's third cousin twice removed who walked aged 6, talked at 12 and is now a PhD, or get told there isn't anything wrong, as she can walk...Oh! So that's what's wrong thenMunchausen's by Proxy.

I can't be bothered anymore. It's too long and complicated and short explanations don't do his problems "justice" (if that is the right word) or give any indication of the progress he's made that none of us expected. But he doesn't have a proper diagnosis anyway so it's difficult to explain.

TBH I find myself explaining to children most often these days as I can be bothered explaining to them, when they come up in playcentres etc and nicely ask why he can't walk/talk properly etc.

"she's disabled" usually does it. Oddly, people don't ask for any more detail than that. Though at this point she's often eating their hair and they seem strangely distracted....

good thread.

CRH I'ts funny I also don't mind explaining to children at all. They usually accept the explanation at face value and get on with the important job of completely ignoring the disability and playing as normal!

Yes cazcaz that's exactly why I don't mind explaining things to children; of whatever age as long as they're not being nasty. Then i still get the red mist, whatever they're age . Working on that one. Need to learn to rise about it. But I feel hurt on DS2's behalf even though he doesn't notice he's being ridiculed or called MORON, maybe because he doesn't notice and carries on trying to communicate/hug his ridiculers.

How do others deal with that? Do you get to a point where you can deal with "maturely"??

I don't know how to deal with that either. My ds is only 4 and about to start ms school in september and I am terrified for him!

His probs (that are noticeable) are hearing and speech, and at the moment his friends are fine and tbh lots of four year olds are difficult to understand if excited, tired etc.

But I know there will be a time when he will be ridiculed by his peers and possibly shunned by them and I just do not know how to react.

hi, I rarely explain unless DS is doing/saying something really odd. I took him to a drama session the other day and I have to say I was quite pleased he managed to participate half the time with direction the other half was he just repeated what he knew but as it was still relevant it was passable. You could see a few '' looks from parents but I just ignored them all as usual . The children never batted an eyelid which I usually find is the norm till the parent pass on their prejudices.

Alot of children start to touch DD...almost like they are looking for where its gone. She gets grabbed alot at playgroup but she doesn't seem to mind...she loves the attention. The other mums are always apologetic though but it gives them the opportunity to ask about it. I cant stand it when Im holding DD and an Adult is blantantly talking to me and looking at DDs arm and still wont ask, It bugs me as much as when people just walk up and ask where it has gone!!!

Ive had a couple of adults.....on both occassions mums who made an eeewww sound when they thought I was not looking so I know what you mean Chocolate about the "red mist". I guess it is something she will learn to cope with.

With some SN's I guess it is harder to deal with. DD's personality will depend on how she copes with friends at school but some children are not capable of understanding relationships as easy as their peers. I suppose that is where in some cases SN school is a better alternative to MS

How fucking dare they???! (Saw "eeeewww" about your DD!!!!)

I am speechless and disgusting.

digusted

I am also disgusting at times. Today I am disgusting fat and disgustingly embarassing to myself.