I apologise in advance as this might be a long one but really needing some advice.
My son is currently awaiting an autism diagnosis, but his needs are very high. For reference he is 4 at the end of this month (Feb), so in nursery, he goes 4 days a week 8:30-4. He is non-verbal, his understanding is improving but his impulse control is not, and he has no sense of danger whatsoever, meaning he needs a lot of supervision, even in the house (example, I needed to cook dinner and it was only the two of us, I was in a cupboard getting out the sauce for the dinner and saw him reaching to touch the flame underneath the pan on the hob - was right next to him so managed to stop him, explain etc but this is just one thing he does now).
We are now experiencing the problems with sleep, have found that rescue remedy drops help but he does still wake in the night, usually for his dummy or if he's wet through his nappy but still most nights I am up. Recently he's been going to sleep anywhere between 9:30 and 11:30pm and can get up anywhere from 6 to 9am, so some nights I'm barely getting 5 hours sleep.
He is not potty trained and needs help with everything, dressing, nappy changes, brushing his teeth, bathing etc, he struggles with a knife and fork and is very fussy around food, and often needs a lot of encouragment with eating. When we go for days out, we ned to take a pram but we need to invest in a disability pram, which also won't fit in our car (have tried one) so will need to get a bigger car.
I am absolutely shattered, because despite my partner (my son's dad) doing absolutely everything he can to help, my son will refuse him and only want me. My partner also works 12 hour shifts, sometimes 4 a week sometimes 5/6 a week depending on overtime, he is also suffering with a really bad back due to a car accident a few years ago which rears its ugly head a few times a year to the point h can barely walk so I try and take more of the physical things off his plate so that we can avoid that.
My question is basically, if we are awarded the higher rate of DLA which it looks like we might be, can we claim the disability and carer's element of UC and is it dependent on my partner's income or is it done on the rate of DLA that you are awarded? I genuinely am at a point where work is becoming impossible, I struggle to find anyone willing to have my son in the holidays for more than a couple of hours, he often struggles at nursery and is sent home and I need to be able to keep the house much tidier and cleaner than it currently is, all imposible while my son is at home (when he's at nursery I'm at work bar one day which isn't enough). I am almost at breaking point but I need to know if financially it will be feasible, and whether the rate of DLA determines the amount of disability and carer's I will receive or whether it is my partner's income?