So you just start to tell family about the autism dx

[nikos]

and ds rises to the challenge by having a full blown melt down at a family gathering .
Feel a bit down as was with family that we don't see very often and they will now be left with a memory of ds at his worst.
He's only 3, do they get easier to deal with as they get older? We just left as there was no jollying out of this one.

You get much more experienced at dealing with it. And there's loads of help you can give him. I can't speak for all autistic children, obviously, but my 2 are getting much easier to deal with as they get older. They've had (and continue to have) lots of support and interventions and we teach them how to cope with things along the way.

If you've just had the dx, this is the worst time. It gets - I want to say easier, but that's not quite right and yet somehow it is. Maybe it's when you accept it, or get used to it, or become an expert in dealing with it, or just become somewhat autistic yourself that it just becomes your life.

And don't worry about other people. How they see your son, what they think or anything. They're either in your corner supporting you or they're not and therefore not worthy of your time and energy.

Worrying what people think has always been a failing of mine. Guess all this will put that to bed. Just feel so helpless when he's like that - I was able to stand back and see it as his way of saying he couldn't cope, but he's just so unreachable when he gets to this point. He takes it out on me when I am the one trying to help

All kids do that nikos. Mum is always in the firing line.
Have you got any support? Mine had a home visiting teacher and lots of early years support and I can't recommend it enough.

You've hit the nail on the head by saying 'he's so unreachable when he gets to this point'. In time you'll learn (and so will he) not to get to that point. You will learn to recognise what sets him off the combinations of stimuli that he can't cope with, and you'll learn to avoid them. With most kids on the spectrum, once they've started melting down the only solution is to make sure they're safe and let them burn it out. There's no point in trying to communicate when they're in that state.

hecate is right - it's not so much that the child gets easier to manage but that you get better at dealing with it. You'll become much more of an expert than the professionals could ever dream of being, you will know your child inside and out and it will feel easier because after a while you take it in your stride. It becomes instinctive to the point where you don't even think about it any more, you just deal with it.

You have a long road ahead but you'll find your own way, as we all have, with a little help from our friends!

Last family event we had to go to, DS took his psp and an mp3 player with headphones. When it all got too much - nice uncle ruffled his hair (aaagh!) - he went under the table, well hidden by the tablecloth, and plugged in his gadgets. No visible child; but I knew he was relatively happy and safe, with 'Thomas and friends'!!
It does get easier to manage, honestly.

You'll develop Rhino skin. Ds1 has got a lot worse as he's got older. But to be honest I really couldn't give a stuff anymore.

You'll deal with it whichever way it goes.

Argh! I hate that ruffling the hair business, and then expecting him to say 'hello'. I just ignore them all now.
I just think they are lucky if ds is dressed, and really they wouldn't want to shake ds's hand anyway, if they knew he had it stuffed down his nappy playing with his poo.

Thanks all. Ds slept for 12 hours last night so I think that shows how overwelmed he was by the social occasion yesterday. Situations like this realy allow you to see into the heart of people doesn't it? People who I thought might be freaked by dx have been amazing and some who I thought would be empathetic just haven't.
Portage is definitely something that gets mentioned a lot so I need to investigate that. I'm doing a communications course which is helping. Big groups are definitely a trigger for ds. Small groups of one or two people he can handle quite well.