Concerns about possible neurodivergence.

[Tobeornottobe1984]

To preface this post, I should state I am and always have been a big worrier, I can obsess and compulsively research things and 100% convince myself of awful things like illnesses, something being wrong with the children etc. This has happened in the past more than once so I am well aware that this could just be another example of this.

DS is 5.5 and in reception. He settled in amazingly well, no issues moving from a small pre school to a much bigger primary although he did have his best friend, and lots of other children he knew, move with him. He is on the whole a very happy little boy. He does however have a few habits/characteristics that concern me.

1)He can sometimes be a little withdrawn socially. He does have a hearing loss and wears hearing aids so I understand this could potentially be the reason. He has one very close friend (if this friend is present, he seems to ignore/push away other children). However if that friend is not there he is happy to play with others, although he’s usually better one on one - again, could be a hearing thing. Teacher has commented on their close friendship (it is reciprocal) but has also said he is starting to make new connections with other kids at school and isn’t concerned.

2. Has a habit of sometimes talking/whispering to himself, it doesn’t happen all the time and usually will only repeat something if it’s new to him or he’s really interested/engaged in the conversation. Sometimes he does it lying in bed at night, quite often re-enacting something that’s happened in the day or on tv. Despite this, he’s always been an amazing sleeper, will stay in his bed and sleep although very occasionally if he’s particularly stimulated, he can fight sleep for up to an hour when put to bed.

3. Will run and jump about, particularly when he’s excited or stimulated by something (usually something that’s got him worked up on tv) or if he’s anticipating something fun or exciting happening to him. He doesn’t seem compelled to do it and I can easily talk to him/interact while he’s doing it. He just says he wants to do it/feels excited.

4. Occasionally he can be mildly aggressive. This is rare for him and he has always been described at pre school and school as a very kind and gentle boy, certainly not as boisterous as lots of boys his age. The school thinks this is happening because he’s overwhelmed by noise and acts out in response to it. I’m not sure if it’s just an impulse thing or whether it is his reaction to the noise. Clearly the classroom can get very noisy and this only usually happens if he can’t remove himself from source of noise. Appears to be better now according to his teachers as they have adjusted the volume on his aids.

5)He always want be first/the best/get the biggest thing. He creates competition to be first or to get attention. This usually only happens at home and particularly with his DB. That said, he is usually very good with turn taking and sharing. He is very good with his little DB with letting him share his toys. School haven’t raised any concerns

6. Non stop talking and asking questions. He is a genuinely curious child but he does not shut up! He tends to want to dominate conversations but will answer questions put to him when pushed to do so. He will be quiet (eventually) when asked.

7. Can fidget/get distracted easily. Sometimes struggles maintain his focus, particularly if it’s something he’s not interested in or finds difficult. But he can also be resilient and is willing to give things a go, according to school.

But despite all of the above, he is an amazing little boy. He is bright, he is articulate and has excellent communication skills (although he does seem more comfortable with adults than other children). He understands and can follow conversational norms although as I said he can try and dominate at times. He is doing well academically and is certainly progressing with his school work - teacher has said she has no concerns academically. He has never had a problem with making or maintaining eye contact etc, he understands facial expressions and non verbal cues, although he was late to point (about 18 months/2 years old) and a relatively late talker (2-2:5 but his language came quickly once it started). He has no sensory issues - he’s always been an amazing eater and eats a huge variety of foods, he isn’t bothered by textures or other things associated with touch, he isn’t that bothered by loud noises/noisy environments although he will occasionally complain about something being too loud (again probs more to do with his aids). He doesn’t really tantrum or experience meltdowns, certainly not to the extent of some of the other children of the same age we know. Occasionally he gets a bit worked up/emotionally overwhelmed but this only tends to happen if he’s real tired or overexcited about something. He can easily be distracted/de-escalated from it, usually in a matter of a minute or so. He loves parties and other social situations and he embraces new experiences and places. He doesn’t seem anxious when meeting new people etc. Doesn’t have any fixations on routines, or repetitive behaviors, is fine with change big or small, and seems fine with transition. He is so so funny and loves to laugh and joke.

I’m so sorry for such a long post but I didn’t want to drip feed. I would really appreciate any advice/opinions on whether I should be concerned about potential neurodiversity or whether I should just embrace him and all his little ways as just being those of a typical happy 5.5 year old. I love him to bits for who he is and that will never change. But I also want to know if this is a genuine concern or just another one of my stupid obsessions. It’s starting to impact my enjoyment of him which I find deeply upsetting. Thanks in advance and please be kind x

If you are concerned have you spoken to DS’s class teacher and SENCO? Lots of what you describe is within the realms of typical behaviour for 5y/o’s or could be explained by DS’s hearing loss.

@SearchingForSolitude yes we have although only briefly at pick up when we were told of DS bad behavior. We’ve initiated a meeting with them to discuss but they seem a bit taken aback that we feel like it’s even necessary

Definitely push for a meeting with the SENCO. They should be providing input anyway to ensure DS’s needs are met in relation to his hearing loss. Has there been involvement from the specialist teaching service/ToD?

@SearchingForSolitude yes Tod is involved, same one in pre-school that is now visiting him in school. Her observations (in short) were that he has a good understanding of routines in reception, he sits and responds in line with other children, plays with other children appropriately, and talks during play. Her only minor negative was that he was fidgeting on the carpet during group time but I would be surprised if he was the only one. We will ask for the SENCO to be present at our meeting with the teacher. It’s just so hard to know if it’s instinct telling me something is wrong or if it’s just my my extreme anxiety/fixation tendency kicking in again

Next time you speak to the ToD raise your concerns about ND too.

Do you have any SEN experience and in your opinion/experience, do you think I should be concerned?

As I posted, lots of what you describe is within the realms of typical behaviour for 5y/o’s or could be explained by DS’s hearing loss but if you are concerned speak to the school and ToD.

Thank you @SearchingForSolitude

I agree that everything you've written is either typical behaviour, or can be explained by his hearing loss.

The core criteria for an ASD diagnosis is deficits in/struggles with social communication. Nothing you've described suggests that he has these struggles. Obviously, these can be less noticeable in children who mask, or not visible until social demands outpace a child's skills. But what parents will usually notice is the consequences of the pressures of masking (e.g. explosive and challenging behaviour at home after masking in school, other signs of distress), and you don't describe that either.

I think you should keep working with the SENDCo and ToD to make sure that his hearing loss is being supported in the classroom, including in terms of his sensory needs. It sounds like maybe short breaks from the noise of the classroom might be helpful.

@BusMumsHoliday thanks for taking the time to post and for your reassurance. Yes I don’t think that socially it’s a struggle for him necessarily, but perhaps just that something is a bit off/out of the ordinary. And I agree that it could/is likely to be explained by his hearing loss. I suppose being more comfortable playing one on one with other children is not something I should be particularly surprised by when he sometimes struggles to hear/follow the conversation/play if there is a large group or lots of ambient noise. He always seems interested in what’s going on around him, even if he doesn’t join in - so perhaps a confidence issue?. I don’t think he is masking. Occasionally we get bad behaviour when we get home from school but nothing outrageous/out of the ordinary for his age and this often be explained by tiredness etc. He usually comes home happy, asking for a snack and then wants to play. He is definitely a child who likes support with play, particularly from an adult, and he likes to share it with someone else, although he is getting better at playing alone. I will definitely continue to seek support and encouragement engagement from tod and senco re his hearing loss and supporting him from that perspective

He sounds quite similar to my son and we have asked for a referral for an ASD assessment. Probably 2,3,5,6 and 7 are very us!
But we do have meltdowns and quite intense emotions. He will hold it together but you can tell he's struggling by the end of a controlled day. E.g today in the supermarket he was jumping up and down flapping and I can tell he's reached his limit. Others would probably see him as neurotypical as he's very articulate and bright.

I think with just what you see perhaps wait and see. Discuss with the school SENCO. Ours have no issues at school but are happy to accept that he might be masking at school and are very understanding that we see things they don't.

On the SENCO front I asked his class teachers loads of questions regarding his behaviour along with what we saw at home but they didn't really take it seriously until I got the GP to refer us for an assessment and I gave them the forms. Then they were all ears.