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Please help I’m devestated head banging

11 replies

Babsexxx · 05/02/2024 12:09

Hi all I hope someone can help me please? I have two non verbal asd children one with adhd and one who unfortunately has had the head banging trait since she could sit unaided, when my son initially joined his school despite preparation for his additional needs ss where contacted claiming the school had concerns of his behaviour no problem I agreed voluntarily to a initial assessment absolutely sailed through it!

Flying colours no issues but did discuss my other child who has extensive issues with head banging! All very well documented nursery have a very extensive more like a book of incident reports due to head banging! including doing so infront of medical professionals audiologists etc.

This weekend DD (head banger) came down really poorly high temp cough etc and her head banging absolutely ramped up leaving a 10p piece sized bruise on forehead not unusual for her at all when she’s under the weather for it to get significantly worse! Lack of being able to communicate headache etc!

She has only been attending this nursery since September moved her from old one so they haven’t seen her Ill or coming down Ill her head banging escalate severely like her previous nursery I suppose any way il get to the point.

Yesterday much brighter much better today even better again only a mild cough explained that her head banging was far worse this weekend due to illness nursery manager no problems but can we do a incident form to state this was done at home! No issues nope it was at home of course get it ready il sign on collection.

Thought nothing more of it at all gets a call they are ringing social services due to her bruise being “worse than usual!” WTF!!!!!! I’m shook thank god I recently underwent a initial assessment where social worker witnessed head banging first hand!!! Even on her ehc referral that I’ve been doing with the school and many meetings we have extensively put down about the head banging!

I know nothing will come of it as there is too much evidence that this is one of her asd traits but I am fucking furious! Where the fuck is our protection as parents of children who do THIS?!! I thought I had a great relationship with new nursery but clearly not :( as I’ve looked at there safeguarding policy and they haven’t even looked into the “could this of happened here?!” Policy meaning for example is this a incident that would be familiar which of course it bludy could and has many times!

I do have protection from that initial assessment but I can’t help but feel totally deflated!!! I’m soo upset is this what I have honestly got to look forward too?! A lifetime of accusations until eventually she grows out of it?! IF she does?!! Wtf can I do?!

Has any other mums been in this position?! Like I don’t feel shit enough that I can’t prevent it! It’s so abrupt and out of nowhere there’s no real signs she’s about to do it!

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SearchingForSolitude · 05/02/2024 13:58

Unfortunately, as difficult as it is for you, if the nursery have concerns they must act on them. You say yourself the head banging escalated severely and this nursery hasn’t witnessed this previously. It is not necessary a representation of your relationship with the nursery. You could use the opportunity to request an assessment by the disabled children’s team.

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Babsexxx · 05/02/2024 14:09

Because DD was unwell we are already at the stage of getting a ehc plan in place along with a paediatrician, I’m taking all the correct steps I should be and have been working with the nursery towards this.

like I said I’m just relieved I readily accepted a initial assessment from social services and thankfully my DD traits for head banging are allll on there the nursery has sometimes rang me three times in one day because she’s banged her head!

I think using common sense sometimes and to stop wasting resources would be the way forward….that’s the thing they did say they aren’t concerned but will be having it documented to cover them selves they explained they are fully aware of her traits she’s had bruises bigger from this nursery but less dark in colour.

Im just wondering moving forward when ever she has a bad episode is this what I’ve got to look forward to? Her old nursery knew it was a sensory thing and she did some pretty bad ones in and out of nursery they NEVER reported me to SS once?

I’m absolutely all for safe guarding I had to do it in previous jobs but I think when there is very strong evidence of this being a extremely regular occurrence even in there own setting and regular observations of certain traits in behaviours then is it really necessary to report?

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SearchingForSolitude · 05/02/2024 14:14

I didn’t say you weren’t taking steps. I suggested using the opportunity to request input from the disabled children’s team (as opposed to the safeguarding team) because your post doesn’t indicate you already receive support from them.

In general, reporting concerns is always the right way for professionals to act. Not specifically your case, but there would, rightly, be uproar if a professional failed to report something and a child slipped under the radar.

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Babsexxx · 05/02/2024 14:19

Like I said I’m not, not saying that professionals and anyone for that matter should consider safeguarding but in this instance no I don’t agree my other child has to start school 15 minutes late and leave 15 minutes early to tie in with DDs nursery as they witnessed her constantly head butting banging her head off the pram. They actually negotiated this with the school for me!

I did just do a initial assessment with absolutely no concerns they didn’t mention to me that there was any disability support?

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SearchingForSolitude · 05/02/2024 14:24

Social care often won’t mention it, but you should request a carer’s assessment for you and assessments via the disabled children’s team for DC. Contact has model letters you can use on their website.

They may have witnessed DD head-banging, but you yourself said it escalated severely and was far worse and it is a relatively new setting who hasn’t seen this in DD before.

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Babsexxx · 05/02/2024 14:31

It is always worse when she’s I’ll I explained this directly to them no hiding anything for example if somethings hurting in her head which I presumed would be a headache! It’s extremely obvious it’s not a sign of abuse because it’s top forehead where 95% of her self inflicted injuries occur aswell as centre of her forehead.

I just feel like this is really going to be a never ending thing that I’m going to have to deal with and explain to everyone constantly I honestly wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy I love my kids do bits it absolutely breaks my heart when she does it! Thanks I will look into it.

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SearchingForSolitude · 05/02/2024 14:34

You may have explained, but you said the nursery haven’t seen DD unwell/becoming unwell.

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Mouldyfoot · 05/02/2024 15:30

I know it’s not nice but you’ve nothing to worry about. Disabled children are more at risk, they’re doing their job

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Babsexxx · 05/02/2024 17:12

No your perfectly correct spoke with social services no concerns what so ever just as confused as me as to why the where contacted touched base checked I was ok and offered targeted support as I really don’t see any other way to get this to all really be looked at with a little bit of initiative!!! Ss agreed completley.

it’s fine you all saying they are doing a job I KNOW that! That’s not my question my question is in regards to children who head bang/self harm being reported to SS? And how I can make it stop! It’s bludy cruel kids are out there seriously being beaten and neglected …what a waste of resources!

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SearchingForSolitude · 05/02/2024 18:08

A child who head-bangs/self-harms but then has a different presentation the professional hasn’t seen before, as is the case in this situation, should, rightly, be referred if the professional has concerns. It is not just about “being beaten and neglected”. It is also about further support for a child who is a child in need due to being disabled.

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Babsexxx · 07/02/2024 07:22

No concerns from social services at all she’s being put under a paediatrician currently on going and in hindsight she has done the same/similar at the nursery setting when she initially joined! So actually they have witnessed her leave bruising on herself and they ring on a a pretty much daily basis even if she has tapped her head with a toy sometimes she has done worse I.e head butted the floor.

Everything is going in the direction for her with the medical side of things! The nursery are the ones who made the referral to the paediatrician so to ring social services over marks that they are fully aware of she does to herself is pretty astonishing!

I would understand the concerns alot more if she didn’t have all this history or bruises on her arms back etc but nothing! Like I said her old nursery understood perfectly and I was absolutely never reported! I think some people really do need to use there initiative in some circumstances.

I don’t feel like this nursery is coping very well with her as they do a lot of sending her home when they can’t cope and I can’t help but feel they may be trying to off roll her. I’m looking into getting her back into her old nursery as I’m not going to constantly face anxiety over something that my autistic child does that is completely out of my control.

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