My DS was diagnosed with PDA age 4. We went privately, to see Judy Eaton at Help4Psychology in Norwich. He’s 7 now. We send him to a small independent school that is very informal and SEND-friendly. No uniform, small class sizes, no pressure to do sports etc.
Age 6 he was also diagnosed with ADHD and is on medikinet which has made a huge difference to his enjoyment of school, and reduces his anxiety a great deal.
It has taken a lot for things to get to a point of stability for us. I’m hardly able to work anymore (I do 2 days a week during school hours and term time only). Holidays are not possible, he’s never been able to go on a drop-off play date or be looked after by a babysitter. He still sleeps in our bed. He needs undivided attention every waking hour - even when he’s on screens (so we need to watch all his shows with him, watch him play his Switch etc or things can escalate very quickly). We dress him in the mornings. We hardly leave the house at weekends / school holidays. We manage to get him bathed about every 2 weeks and that takes a LOT of delicate negotiation. He eats about 4 foods.
But he has a couple of good friends, and goes to school and is learning. And we really weren’t sure a few years ago whether any of that would happen.
He is high masking (‘robotically compliant’ at school, according to his teacher) so nobody apart from his amazing teachers can believe that our life is as difficult and compromised as it is, and people just assume we are shit parents with no boundaries. I’ve had to develop a thicker skin than I’d ever thought possible.
@GandTeaForMe @fightingthedogforadonut here are some helpful resources:
At Peace Parents (Casey Erlich) on Instagram is great with PDA parenting insights.
Steph Curtis (of Steph’s Two Girls blog) has just come out with a book called PDA In The Family which talks about their famoly’s experience - including a chapter from the dad’s point of view, which I thought was helpful. (Her teenage daughter with PDA also contributed a lot to the book and is supportive of her mother’s work in raising awareness.)
The Explosive Child is a book by Ross Greene that has been helpful - but even more helpful is The B Team group on Facebook, where moderators trained in Greene’s approach talk posters through their dilemmas with their children. It’s an incredible resource, and got me through some very tough times.
I tried various PDA parenting support groups on FB but found they can attract some of the angrier PDA adults of the internet, who like to have a pop at parents (mostly mothers) who are still hopeful of having some boundaries and autonomy of their own. So I’d give most of those a swerve.