3YO DD and friend with facial difference

[CB2611]

My daughter attends day nursery and there is a little boy with a facial difference. My daughter told me at home that "friend has a big cheek". How do I talk to her about this? I don't want her to think it's OK to comment on other people's differences but at the same time, I don't want to make his face a taboo subject for her as it is part of him and I dont want to create an idea that it is somehow wrong to have a difference in appearance. Any advice?

I’d say ‘yes he does, doesn’t he. What else is he like? What toys does he like / games does he play / favourite songs’ show that it’s fine but it’s only a small part of him.

answer any questions best you can. Even if it’s ’I don’t know’.

Thank you! I will do that if she mentions it again. She wasn't being unkind by mentioning it (she's 3!). She just told me in a matter of fact sort of way.

Have a look at the changingfaces website - it’s got lots of good advice. Having said that I’d keep it really simple at your daughter’s age: ‘oh yes, that’s because he has a birthmark (or whatever), sometimes people are born with birthmarks…. … Does he like playing in the sandpit?’. Acknowledge, and then move on.

It’s worth talking to kids about differences in general - some people are tall/wear glasses/have curly hair etc - but I think she’s probably too young to expect her not to comment at all (I’m assuming she’s pre-school age).

Finally, thank you for caring about this little boy’s feelings. My child has a visible difference and has had a really hard time dealing with other people’s reactions - much more so than I would have expected.

I’ve just seen that she’s 3 - it’s perfectly natural for her to notice and to comment.