Is your child going to grow up in to an "educated" adult with special needs?

[mamadadawahwah]

This is a question i asked myself before i removed my son from school and started home educating him.

He was in school for almost 2 years but did not know his teachers or any other children's names. Here was a boy who could do his alphapbet and number up to 20 but didnt know how to retrieve his coat or boots for play time.

regarding autism, social communication is paramount and he was not getting instruction in this area at school.

I fast forwarded and tried to visualise where my son would be in 20 years time. It was pretty scary - a man who could do algebra, work a computer, but couldnt look you in the eye or ask you for directions.

I dont know how many of you are parents of young children with an ASD, but for us, the national curriculum means nothing for our boy now. He must must MUST learn to communicate, read faces, interact, express himself, develop his own emotional i.q. before anything else could possibly matter.

something to think about for those of you who get glowing reports from your child's schools about how academically well they are doing. we did a few simple social communication IQ tests and our boy failed miserably. very scary, yet the school was in no way worried, because he was doing what they told him to do, i.e. use a pencil.

Most people today with an ASD are children. The ground is going to open up and swallow our children if something in the system of education does not change drastically right now for them. Its so very sad.

you make some valid points there mamadada - though I have asked my ds's ms nursery if they could play name games with ds in nursery, so he can learn some of the other children's names, they are also starting to try and get his one to one to do some shared games with another child,, to encourage social interaction, I do care more about the social side of ds's issues than him learning his colours etc.... atm

my worry is sometimes the nursery teachers don't have the same level of expectation from my ds as I do.

My ASD brother who guess what, is a computer programmer, still cannot really ask for directions and he cannot 'socially interact' but he wouldn't need to as like many ASD people he sticks to routine based routes and well trodden paths. His life is different but he is very happy in fact more so than many of his contemporaries.

DS1 is a budding engineer. He's just as inclined to break computers as he is to use them and is obsessed with sockets and switches and anything with buttons, specially if it's not his, but he does fantastically intricate, detailed drawings and chills out by counting and doing sums.

I hear social skills and regular bathing are optional (though he's yet to reach that point in life where he's allergic to water. He still likes it a bit too much for comfort) and I'm expecting he'll have potty trained by then, too. He'll be OK.

His school serves a pretty deprived area and is pretty hot on social skills training and has a curriculum that involves lots of collaborative project work. The ASD trained assistant he now has for a whole 2 mornings a week is also working on social skills with him. They're doing a pretty fabulous job with him and there's still plenty of hours in the day for me to work on turning him into a fully fledged and decent human being. As much of a decent and functional human being that he possibly could be with total nerdy geeks for parents, anyhow.

I could put him to work, straight away testing out child proofing measures, since we've yet to find a gate or catch he can't open and have run out of places out of his reach, but nobody will give us insurance for that.

Our nightmare scenario is that he'll break into the post office and be banged up after being caught sticking neat little rows of stamps to the windows of the local police station (with DS2 following behind picking them all off and eating them) but to be honest, I don't think my real concerns are much more than those of any parent of a neurotypical child. He is who he is and if he grows up to be a trainspotter, then a trainspotter he'll be.

ds1's school focuses on life skills.

I top up on academics (less important, but ds1 enjoys it) at home.

same here fio

It's too scary to think about tbh, I don't think there is anywhere near the support for disabled adults & ds2 will never (although I dream) live as an independent adult.

But I work in a very academic science based environment & it is full of people who have found their niche, nothing happens quickly, everything is routine & organised & they all love having a procedure to follow & they analyse every task & are very good at what they do & science & society would not have advanced without people who think in such a way.
They don't normally know the first thing about their colleagues outside of work -but they don't need to - they have no desire to.

I work in a place were I (& the other less qualified lower paid minions) am the odd one out & I have to conform to their process based way of working.

In fact my boss was home educated as he could not cope with school but excelled at Uni, he is now married to another like minded scientist. He is a wonderful boss & in his own unique way manages a team of people.

Don't know what my ramblings are trying to say other than there is a place for your dc to fit in & be themselves.

I can see you point fio and 2shoes, the view where I am now, I'ld just be happy if DS could understand day to day conversation as an adult.

Equally - mdw - I do take your point - that only we as the parents will have the motivation to give the 1-1 support our kids need (by comparison to an m/s setting not a special school setting).

I can see DS using his academic abilities in a job where he can work by himself - probably science or IT based. My brother is undiagnosed AS and uninterested in social niceties; but paid a small fortune for his advanced computing skills. DS has just begun interacting with other children (all girls) - he knows to reply 'hello' and 'fine'.

When I first met DH I would talk with him in the lecture rooms in between the lectures but wouldn't think to ask if he wanted to go anywhere after the lectures. Mind you, both of us didn't even ask the other's name until several weeks had passed, he asked in the end.
When I work somewhere I'll talk to the people in the office, mostly on a one to one basis, sometimes managing to contribute if more than one person is talking, but I won't join people at lunchtime. I won't try and socialise after work unless there's something specific on.
My dh has a mate who his married. I've known the couple for 14 years. I like them both. DH and I have been out drinking with them, have gone on holiday with them. I have never phoned the wife up to ask if she wanted to go shopping (or do anything), or just phoned up for a chat. I've never phoned the mate up either, just to clarify that.
With the exception of my mum who I'll phone agbout once or twice a month, I've never phoned up anyone for a chat, I rarely ring people and when I do it's for specific reasons.
But I don't mind. I prefer being fairly solitary. I'm not completely, I can go on meets if I have enough notice, I've still managed to meet someone and be happy and settled. Yet I think that if I had tried to be more social, if I had thought I should be interacting more with others I would have found things a bigger struggle.

the scientific organisation my dh works for seems to have plentiful spply of educated adults with low levels of social/communication skills. if they survive university there are jobs out there for the maths/science geeky ones where their realtionship with their subject IS more important than that with fellow staff.
Sure they still need to be able to cope with live outside work, but there is food avalible on site 24/7, no one cares if they wear the same trousers all week and have 5 identical shirts topped off with a baseball cap and underpinned with thomas socks.

good thread.

i have 3 in mainstream- not statemented.

what bugs me the most is that they get NO guidance in the areas you describe... and yes...achademically doing fine...so as far as school goes...they are fine.

but its the LIFESKILLS they don't get...whereas as far as i can see (as there is an ASD school near by) ...at a dedicated school for ASD, they get so much education regarding the day to day living skills..go out to shops as a group to practice ...

my ds3 last year was reffered to a special course for 'Emotional Literacy' (lots of different special needs)- all NOT FOLLOWING THE NATIONAL CURRICULUM... but covering SOCIAL skills...and lots of 'VISUAL' aids...lots of 'CONSEQUENCES' etc...reading BODY LANGUAGE...oh! It was FAB!!!! and now the LEA have closed it down as they say it was too costly for the few chuildren who benefited----they reckon they are going to send the teachers from the unit to visit ALL primary schools in county...to ensure all kids benefit...and that just made me laugh...as we know that won't work.

At ds's old school (the one that neither knew nor cared about AS), I asked for social skills and anger management groups for him and was told they couldn't possibly do that because it would mean taking him out of his classes. Apart from the fact that he was already performing two years ahead of his peers and could easily afford to miss the odd lesson, they simply couldn't grasp that there was no point in him being a mathematical genius if he couldn't cross the street without punching somebody's lights out. We got the groups in the end but the school were far from pleased about it.

J's doing much better now with both anger and social skills. If he keeps this up I think he'll have a decent future, but he has a good sense of fun and is learning how to relate to people so I don't think he's going to be a typical adult Aspie.

the other angle is me imagining my ds1- 10 years from now -

as the "Computer Geek" sat in the corner- happily doing his work....fixing peoples computer problems
...very little to say...unless its about computers...
not interested in popping down the pub with his collegues... rather go home to his Flat and use his computer.....

...i expect he will live day to day...buying what he fancies to eat as he fancies and needs it....bills will be paid over internet on his computer....

and i have to be honest....as long as he is HAPPY and not TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF...then that is just the perfect life hat he dreams of and I will be happy to hover in the shadows- there as needed.

but that said.... that is the way i see it now- and who knows if he had more social skills help- then maybe he would join the others down the pub?

MMDDWW - can I ask you how you are addressing social skills in your home ed programme? I ask because it's something we find hard to do.

I think MMDDWW is doing RDI (could be wrong- sorry if I am MMDDWW).

Although people say you can't do ABA and RDI together people do (there's a yahoo ABA+RDI group for example). [Sphil- I'm assuming you're not going to want to drop ABA yet]. RDI does look at relationship skills. Floortime has similar aims but cheaper & simpler (have you signed up for the online course- I did).

Oh no - not dropping ABA at all. In fact, signed up to go to Growing Minds in Florida next year (God only knows how we're going to pay for it ). Just wondered how MMDDWW was addressing social skills in a home programme

Yes, have signed up for Floortime course.

i'm interested too as i find now ds1 is 14 the LAST person he wants to do ANYTHING with is ME!!!! (typical teenager!!!) and i'd LOVE someone else to help...wondered if there was such thing as a 'ASD SOCIAL SKILLS TEACHER" that you could pay to visit at home and take ds1 out to do the lifeskills stuff - like he'd get if at a ASD school????