Struggling.

[lycrapants]

Hi everyone

I have an 11yr old son with ASD. I was dreading the transition to mainstream (for years) & it's all gone horribly wrong. He was bullied and only lasted 6 weeks or so. It was so severe that I reported it to the police. Then he refused to leave the house for a month for fear of seeing the bullies in our area- one of them even approached us in the supermarket!

He then decided to try another school where he had some old friends. It was a really large mainstream school & he was adamant he wanted to go, he also couldn't cope there & spent a lot of time shut down in the quiet room.

He is refusing to ever go back. And I can't and won't force him, he is as big as me & I can't just put him in the car anymore. He is very strong and I worry as he gets bigger. I have tried a home tutor but he wedged himself under his bed and refused to come out. I realise he is probably completely traumatised. He has no EHCP in place and we are in the process of applying, I'm not feeling very positive about that either.

I am worried about his younger sibling, she is 8. My time seems to be consumed with him and I'm beginning to feel resentful. She came out of school today saying she's been worried all day about him. She is always in the shadows and I feel like I'm missing her childhood.
He enjoys spending time at his dad's- they are very similar & he is allowed free rein there, gaming etc, eating in his room, not getting dressed all day..basically no boundaries. (Addressed this many times to no avail)

I am running out of steam & have shaky mental health too. I am feeling more and more like giving up and just saying he should live with his dad. Has anyone done this? Has it worked out better for the family? I have fought so hard for him all his life (with little support from his dad) and I want to just get in the car with my daughter and drive far away.

It's been cathartic to write this down so thank you for listening.

I’m sorry DS has been bullied so badly.

You saying you are in the process of applying for an EHCP, has an EHCNA actually been requested? If not, you should request one yourself ASAP. And appeal if refused.

In the meantime, if DS can’t attend school the LA must provide a suitable, full-time education. This doesn’t have to be traditional home tuition. It can be whatever is suitable.

Have you had social care assessments? If not, Contact have model letters you can you can use for a carer’s assessment and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DS.

For DD, the local young carers service and Sibs can be helpful.

Thank you, lots of useful information there. I haven't heard of an EHCNA so will research that.
I feel bad for saying how I felt earlier, I love him dearly. I just feel exasperated sometimes.

An EHCNA is the needs assessment you first request as part of the EHCP process. An EHCP is a document that sets out a child’s needs and the support they require. This applies in England. Wales, Scotland and NI have different systems. They have an IDP, CSP, Statement of SEN respectively.