DD ASD diagnosis while I'm 6 months pregnant

[Alice0703]

Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of a tough spot and really need to hear from others who might have been in a similar situation. My dd, who’s 5, was diagnosed with ASD last month. I’m also 6 months pregnant with a baby boy, and this has hit me hard. I love my dd to death, and though I’ve always known she was unique since she was a baby, her ASD diagnosis came as a surprise, especially because she’s so linguistically gifted.

Her cousin has ASD too, but he’s nonverbal and their behaviors are quite different, which initially led me to believe her challenges weren’t ASD-related. Now, I’m worried about the genetic factors and the increased risk for my unborn son, especially given the recent studies I’ve read about ASD risks in siblings, and the higher risks if the old sister is affected.

Tbh, if I had known about my dd's ASD earlier, I might have reconsidered having a second child. But here I am, trying to navigate these complex emotions while preparing for my baby boy. My husband and I both have demanding jobs, and with his frequent travel, I often find myself managing things solo. The thought of potentially raising two children with ASD without much family support is overwhelming, and I fear it might even mean that I'll have to quit my job which I love very much.

I’m sorry for the long post. I guess I just needed a space to express what I’ve been going through. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d love to hear your experiences and how you coped. Thanks so much!

I’m so sorry to hear about this OP - it’s always a terrible shock isn’t it. I always had my doubts but the first time an professional even suggested it I burst into tears afterwards. My husband was so nonchalant and I was so angry why he seemed so unphased and he said “It just means her brain js like mine and not yours.” Like you, I also fought against the idea of it because DD also didn’t seem to present like the common majority if ASD kids seek to but this actually helps me put it in perspective. Things like looking up which famous people are also autistic - actors, musicians, scientists.

Your son may have it, he may not. He may present completely differently to your DD. You can’t control that so remember “Thoughts are not facts” everytime you feel your anxiousness start to spiral worrying about the future.

@Alice0703 may I ask what were the reasons that led to an assessment? did you have any concerns when your little one was younger?

My son has profound non-verbal autism so he was diagnosed v young, when he was two. Which was also when I was pregnant with his little sister. I also read about the higher likelihood in siblings and was pretty anxious. His sister isn't autistic (they're now 11 and 8 and she's a gorgeous little-big sister to him - I call it that because in some ways it's like being the older one - and he loves her too) but I remember that anxiety so much. If it helps I know parents with more than one autistic child (none as severely disabled as my son but it sounds like your little girl isn't either) and there are struggles of course but they're all amazing.

It’s scary but it’s double the love. You’ll be ok