Feeling tearful today

[nikos]

Hi all,
Dh and I were coping well with ds dx we got last week of Aspergers. But today I'm sat at work and feel like I'll burst into tears if anyone speaks to me.
Think I'm worried most about the future and what impact this will have on our other two children.
Feel very sad today

aww > sorry no advice about aspergers(not my ting) but getting a dx is a horrid time.

Hi Nikos - Sorry you are so sad. Sounds like you need a virtual hug! I'm sure you are coping well, but grief and worry about the future are normal part of the coping (sorry hope that doesnt sound too blunt). I think we all react this way. Be kind to yourself. Have you got some time off work over Easter to just enjoy your dcs?

((Nikos)). It's understandable you're worried. But awareness of Aspergers has advanced so much, even in the last few years. When I was at school I had no help. I didn't have anybody recognising that I couldn't eat in the school halls because they were too noisy and crowded for example, so I just got detentions for eating in the classrooms. I didn't have anybody realising that there was a reason for me not being able to initiate talking often and why I often wouldn't answer in time, or at all, so I just got called stupid or boring.
Today, there are sites like this to get help from, there is greater training (albeit not perfect). Your ds will learn what makes him unique and interesting and what parts he struggles with and find strategies of dealing with them.
Eighteen years ago, at lunchtime, I could be found sat on my own, staring into space, unable to get any words out (I've always been able to talk but often the words get stuck in my mind), unable to explain how I felt. I was clumsy, messy, scatterbrained and very much solitary.
Today, I'm still all of those things, but I've found ways of working round them. With the extra understanding your ds will have, he will do brilliantly.

Thanks all. Ds is such a big character, very funny and very angry at times too.
Usually dh is up when I am down and vice versa, but last night we were both down. It's all the uncertainty. There is no ASD on either side of our families so this is all new territory for both of us.

Just find work so flippant today and people moaning makes me want to scream at them

Nikos, my ds doesn't have a dx (yet) but I know that it is very hard going through the process, I know that bursting in to tears feeling too, it is not nice to try and put on some kind of pretence when what you really need is a good sob, could you take a half day? just go and do something nice for yourself?

I thought about a half day but I only work 2 days a week so feel I can't really.
I know I have to just take a day at a time - no point thinking far ahead.
Just days like today it gets to me and I don't know if I'm up to the job.

my ds is undergoing assessments at moment and i have felt just the same but someone gave really good advise on dont worry yourself now in what they may or may not be able to do and concentrate on what they can do

as your fears may never happen and dc will grow and be loved for who they are no matter what

so i am taking the advise and not worrying myself about what he may not be able to do as its a long way off and now days with the right help they are able to do what they can do to the best of there abilities

so big

it is just hard to see any light on days like that, but you know you don't always feel like that? that is my coping strategy, I know I get through the down days, sometimes by talking sometimes by saying nothing, then I feel guilty because I know my ds is happy and healthy, and I just try and focus on the good.... hang in their Nikos, I have heard the dx is like grieving process and I think that rings so true for me.

I've heard it said that you grieve for the child you don't have, but I don't feel like that about ds as he is such a little character that I wouldn't change him.
But I feel I am grieving for the family of five I thought we would be. Ds will often take himself away for quiet and I know he needs this but I imagined them all playing together. The other two love him to bits but they are inevitably forming a stronger bond with each other as they can play the same games.

That 'just after dx' time is so horrible - ((Nikos)) Maybe our family dynamic is different to the way it would have been; but it's great the way it is now. I've found recently that we can have 'together time' doing the same activity in the same place but all separately and that is ok. Found dd lying on ds' back reading a book! He was enjoying the pressure, she said she was just loving him!
And when you're having a miserable day and everything seems bad, put it on here so we can all share that we've felt the same - please!