I’m new here and a first time poster so hope I’m in the right place! I’ve read through dozens of old posts on this topic but wanted to create my own to get some specific thoughts on my little one. I know there’s a lot of expertise and experience here so will be super grateful for any replies.
My son is 18 months old and over the past few months I’ve noticed some red flags for autism. I’ve been very worried, but my concerns go up and down as alongside the red flags are so many positive developments. I think perhaps I have also been more on the lookout as he has a genetic condition that gives him a greater chance of having ADHD/autism.
My main concerns are…
- Limited/fleeting eye contact. He used to make more eye contact as a baby but over recent months I’ve really noticed how often he avoids direct eye contact, especially when close up. He also often completely avoids eye contact with people other than my partner and I, and when he does this it’s almost like he doesn’t know they’re there (even though we know he does as when we ask ‘where is X’ he is also able to point to them and say ‘there!’).
- Limited response to name. This seems to have worsened over recent months too. It’s hard to work out a percentage for how often he responds, but it feels very low. I sometimes wonder if I’ve said his name too many times so he’s just tuning me out, but he also barely responds when others say his name. When we go to visit friends or family they will say his name to try and get his attention and he often completely blanks them.
- Language. I’m not 100% clear on what we should be expecting at this stage, he has always been very vocal and currently uses at least 50+ words in context, however he seems to struggle with consonants so for most of his words he uses purely vowel sounds. My partner and I understand what he is saying but others often don’t.
- Clumsiness. He falls over quite often and generally seems a bit wobbly. He was on his feet by 12 months but didn’t walk independently until 14. Despite his clumsiness he loves to run.
- Poor sleep. He is still breastfed and wakes every couple of hours to feed. However if I bring him in with us he sleeps much better.
- Separation anxiety. Over the past month he has been extremely clingy, constantly wants to be carried by me and cries even if I leave him with my partner to go to the toilet. He does not yet go to nursery and has never been left with anyone other than my partner but we really want to change this soon.
- Can struggle to focus at structured toddler group activities and after a while tends to explore the parameters of the room. This varies though depending on his mood.
Alongside these concerns though there are many positives…
- He gestures (points, waves, high fives, outstretches his arms to be picked up etc) and is generally very good at letting us know what he wants. Able to follow a point and looks at things we look at.
- He can make great eye contact with my partner and I at times and (despite the poor eye contact with others) I feel like his eye contact with us has improved over the past couple of weeks after a particularly bad patch.
- Seems to demonstrate joint attention by pointing at things of interest and looking at us.
- Brings us things to show and likes both my partner and I to be involved in his play. Actively requests that we do things with him. (He very rarely does this with anyone else though).
- Plays with a range of toys generally the right way, although he does have a strange habit of liking to stand on top of things. He also enjoys throwing toys, so we usually redirect him to balls.
- Despite his clumsiness he has extremely good ball skills, and can throw, roll, kick and dribble a ball surprisingly accurately.
- Seems to have good receptive language skills. He responds to most day-to-day instructions/requests and seems to generally understand what is going on around him.
- Shows interest in other children by watching them, sometimes smiling and laughing and occasionally approaching them. Sometimes engages in games like chase or peekaboo with familiar children, and often copies their behaviour.
- Copies things we do. If we show him a new dance move or yoga position he immediately tries it! He absolutely loves music and dancing.
- Engages in some pretend play (e.g. feeding a doll, making a cup of tea, driving a car) although this doesn’t seem to be his first choice activity.
- Loves games like chase, peekaboo, hide and seek and actively asks for more. Smiles and laughs a lot!
He doesn’t seem to have any sensory issues that we have noticed (although he doesn’t like towels and is happiest naked). He travels well and is fine with routine changes. The only repetitive behaviour we have noticed is he very occasionally goes around in a circle for a couple of seconds and laughs. He can also be quite specific about what songs he wants to listen to and shouts ‘next!’ if he doesn’t like the tune that is playing! We haven’t really noticed any sensory seeking behaviour other than he sometimes rubs his head on the back of his high chair and often puts toys on his head and says ‘hat’.
We have done the MCHAT a few times over the past couple of months but as his behaviour is so mixed we have had differing results between low and medium risk.
I’m sorry for such a long post, although it’s actually felt really cathartic just writing it all down! If anyone has any thoughts or comments I would be so grateful. Does this sound like an autistic child to you? Has anyone else experienced such variable behaviour (like his eye contact being great and then awful and then great again)? Any advice whatsoever would be so appreciated.