I don’t know how to parent. (ASD/ADHD)

[Buttercup176]

I just don’t know how to do. Eldest has asd & adhd, I also have adhd (diagnosed as a child, not currently medicated) we suspect DH has ASD.

Everything is so hard, I’m so worried I’m not very good at parenting, school just don’t seem to help and DH and I have agreed that private secondary will be best, but what if I can’t help DS or he can’t cope with the change from state to private (he won’t cope with a large state secondary for sure)? What should I do? Everything is so hard.

Youngest is NT and I love spending time with him, but 90% of things with my eldest are hard work. He has very fixed idea on things. I’m worried his medication isn’t working as well as it was, is this possible after a few months? He’s not due for a review until next year, he’s on shared care as he was stable, what do I do?

i dont know what to do.

I can't help with medication but you sound quite overwhelmed.

Firstly, you've recognised your DS needs help, arranged diagnosis and organised medication. And now you're thinking you need some more help. You sound like a great parent.

It can be helpful to think of one or maximum two things to work on at any one time - some people find the process in The Explosive Child book helpful for this. I know I did.

Can you request an earlier medication review?

Speak to the SENCO again. The school must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN. Think about requesting an EHCNA, too. Just so you know, independent schools aren’t also more supportive of SEN, so look carefully and ask lots of direct questions.

If DS has been diagnosed within the last year Scope offers mentoring. If DC2 is under 5 Home Start may be able to support you. You can request social care assessments too. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DC1. For DC2, have a look at your local young carers service and Sibs.

Can you also relook at medication for you?