How to help teenager with suspected adhd

[Whatafustercluck]

Ds is 13. Lacks focus and attention, is disorganised and forgetful. Not particularly hyperactive, but has always been loud and has various ways of making noise/ fiddling with things etc. He gets involved in other people's conversations and is often in trouble at school for lacking focus and talking too much at the wrong times. Can be impulsive.

Tbh I've never really considered adhd until recently, when these issues have really come to the fore. His sister is ND (undergoing ASD/ ADHD assessment) and his dad has traits of inattentive adhd (undiagnosed). He's always coped well at Juniors, and his teachers say he's a really likeable boy - currently working above expectations across the board - and is certainly not deliberately naughty. He watched a presentation about adhd recently at school and told me he thought a lot of the traits applied to him. I told him that if it ever gets to a point where he feels that assessment and diagnosis would be beneficial to him, then I'd be happy to pursue it. But as it stood, it wasn't really significantly impacting his life and was 'manageable'.

But his disorganisation and forgetfulness is off the scale and certainly much more pronounced at secondary school now that demands and expectations requiring these skills have increased. This morning, for example, he's left his food tech ingredients at his friend's house before school. We live 10 miles away, so I've said I won't be stepping in to rescue him. I've made reasonable enquiries to see if I can get the ingredients to school another way, via a friend's mum, but that hasn't worked out. Now I'm wondering if I've done the wrong thing by letting him take the consequences - particularly as it's highly likely he has undiagnosed ND.

I suppose what I'd really like to do is support him to better manage the things he finds difficult (accepting that some of this stuff is just normal teenage behaviour) as I'm pretty certain already that he has adhd so I just need to start from the point of helping him.

Does anyone have any experience, hints or tips about helping him develop these important life skills? We're already using Alexa to give him reminders, but he now needs to start thinking to do this for himself.

His younger sister's ND is more obvious because it come with emotional disregulation. Ds is normally pretty chilled (too much so) and doesn't have angry outbursts. He tries very hard to learn from mistakes.

I think you should pursue an assessment now. The waiting list will be long and it is affecting his life now. You don’t want to reach crisis point and then still have to sit on the waiting list.

In the meantime, speak to the SENCO. Is the school providing any support now? For example, a mentor/key worker to aid organisation.

Some teens find Brain in Hand helpful. Worth looking at, although depending on DS’s developmental level, he may be slightly too young for it now.

I have a 14 year old with ADHD.

I've found I need to consider her as being around 2-3 years younger in terms of what she can actually manage with organisation.

Apps and calendars and lots of alarms are useful.

I have to pick up a huge amount of it though - I whatsapp her reminders for all appointments (she has a smart watch so can get messages even at school - so a heads up that she has a music lesson in 10 mins etc gets sent), I check she has the right things in her bag the night before.

We moved her onto a laptop in Y6 so she now can't forget books and pencils or lose things because it's all just on the one thing and auto uploads to the cloud.

She is gradually getting better at take control of more things herself, but I have extremely low expectations! Medicating has made a big difference on that front, and the Dx means school are forgiving!

Another one with a teen with ADHD, mainly inattentive.

Like others have said, I'd talk to him about getting a Diagnosis. The waiting list can be long and GCSES are on the horizon.

Thank you for the replies and sorry I'm coming back to this late. I've had a look at referral pathways and I'm concerned because it asks for loads of evidence which we just don't have. School not overly concerned, he's doing well academically. We'd have to evidence having undergone parenting courses, but the truth is that his symptoms are just not 'problematic' enough - at home or at school and I think he'd fall below the bar for assessment.

It's been such a long road to get support for his little sister - who has some very obvious and immediate needs, but we've still struggled to get recognition for - that I know how hard it is to reach the threshold for assessment. We can't afford to go private as I'm currently out of work. If one sibling is diagnosed, is it easier to get the other sibling diagnosed or would we literally have to go through again everything we've already been through once, to evidence the need for assessment? I just don't think his symptoms are 'severe' enough and we'll be fobbed off as it just being normal teen stuff.

You have asked what would help him. I would prioritise the organisation from your end.

1. Get copies of his timetable and put them up on the wall at home.
2. Get on the app - most schools set hwk online. Help him to prioritise and plan when work will be done.
3. Get him a folder to keep all homework sheets in.

4 make him pack his bag for the next day the night before. Ask him to check the timetable when he does it. 5 ingredients that are probably in fridge I would make him stick a pint it on his bag saying Get ingreds from fridge.

In school - easy things that can be done

Ask staff to seat him next to a good role model who won't encourage him to chat and be distracted.
Give him a piece of blue tac to keep in his pocket that he can discretely manipulate when he needs to move.
Get him involved in clubs and sports to keep him active and to prevent him falling in with wrong crowd
Consider good youth groups outside school too like cadets or scouts.

Get him on a waiting list if you think he needs a diagnosis.

I went through the doctors for daughter’s ADHD.
Despite all the classic signs school were no support/help whatsoever. One teacher referred to her attitude and inability to concentrate in class as her doing it deliberately and that she needed to sort herself out.
I think i was lucky that i got an understanding doctor who got the ball rolling.
Even with the diagnosis, other than give her extra time in exams they have still not put a support plan in place. Three months ago was told that SENCO would catch up with her. Still waiting.
So basically trying to say that if you do feel school aren’t taking it seriously then go to the doctor as they can advise etc.
You have nothing to loose going down this route.

To be fair, I haven't yet raised it with the school as a possibility. I'm just going by how difficult it has been to get dd assessed and an ehcp in place (she's in infants) in a situation where we were told she was fine at school. Her senco is absolutely terrible, so it's been a real battle.

Ds's school have got good sen provision in place as i understand it, and pastoral.care is pretty good. So i might speak to his pastoral care person in the first instance to raise it. Many of his teachers have noted that his focus improves when he had something to fidget with in his hands. They allow him a magnetic fidget pen. But his English teacher had banned him from having it, so maybe I need to raise it more formally now. I spoke with ds this morning and he said he's a bit unsure about whether he wants/ needs a diagnosis. We spoke about GCSEs and how we might support him with the executive function side of things, the kinds of challenges he might encounter etc. He seems pretty relaxed, but did say a diagnosis might help him understand more about himself and what he needs to do to help himself. I've suggested he mulls it over in the meantime and I'll speak to his SSA.

It’s worth noting that having a diagnosis can help him to secure extra time in his GCSE exams which if he is inattentive he might need. Also a prompter may be possible if he takes a long time to switch on to a task / question.