Should I be worried ....

[twoplusone]

Wasnt sure which section between here and parenting to pout this .. so will try here first..

I have posted a few times on mumsnet re my DS1 aged 3 middle child.. about his behaviour.. He is a boystrous 3 year old.. But I have always said it seems to be a bit more than that. generally if a child does something and it urts they wont do it again.. well DS1 hurts himself then 10seconds later is back climbing the same thing.. He blew he microwave up.. so I had a chat with him then they had a chat at nursery aboug. how spiderman says it is dangerous to touch the microwave..

he will tell me this then the next minue he is in the kitchen playing with it.. (luckily I bought one with a child lock this time)

Anyway that was just a brief history.. the speech and language therapist came assessed him this week and has said that he definatly has, delayed speech and language problems and alos delayed prossecing, hence why he doesnt really understand why I am telling him not to climb up there because he will hurt himself, not to touch that because it is dangerous.

i will be having a meeting soon with the therapist to discuss the plan of action ...

Anybody got any experiance of this.. I am sure there will be a few of you. Could there alos be an underlying proplem.. he also has no attention span.

I do find him hard work as hubby in forces so away for long periods..6 months at a time.. so I am on my own qith him , my dd who is 11years old and ds2 8 months. generally I manage, but obviously have my off days when i feel a complete faliure in regards to DS1. I just know one day he really is going to hurt himself seriously.. surly there are only so many knockes your head will take... on tables floors..

The other thing if he tantrums.. which is very common.. he will bash his head of the floor, walls, or smack himself..

Sorry this is jumbled.. and rambling...
Any advise welcome.. If this is the wrong place to post this then sorry..

Hi there,

It sounds like you really have your hands full!!

You are his mum and regardless of what others say you are the real expert on this lad.

I have seen this kind of impulsivity in some people with a learning diss, it is definately something to latch on to.

If nothing else it should be the basis for you to think of claiming DLA which could be a help if you wanted someone to come in and give you a break every now and again.

Hi

What do the nursery say and how is he there?
How does he interact with other children?

You need to push for some SALT therapy and that will help his listening skills and then his speech delay will improve. They might fob you off with just 6 half hour sessions and that's that - fight for more.

He does sound a bit ADHDie - the impulsivity would link to that. I would get feedback from the nursery and perhaps ask them to get in an ed psych to see him at the nursery. If he has a 'something' the earlier you get a diagnosis the better and the more quickly you will get help but also the more quickly educational provision can be put in place as school will be upon you before you know it.

You sound like a fab mum and I take my hat off to everyone who has a forces partner - it must be very stressful.

All the best.

twoplusone - I have no idea about delayed processing but ds2 did have delayed speech/hearing problems. He had huge headbanging tantrums which I feel stemmed from his inability to communicate. He had/has other issues around obsessive behaviour, and we did start on the road to getting him assessed for ASD. However he was much, much better once his hearing was sorted (tonsils/adenoids/grommits) and his speech subsequently improved, so we put it aside. Hope the SALT can help.

Thank you all for your replies.. sorry for the spelling in the original post just re read and it is horrific!!!

At school he is fine, he doensnt tantrum there. They do have difficulty with his attention span as well. because he iis fine at school, this is where i have the problem with the doctors and health visitors, they tell me the paeds wont look at him as he is ok socialy.. However saying this he is gettign worse when we are at the docs ect.. the other day my eldest had to take him out of the examination room whilst I was been looked at as he started to rip all the blue paper towels of the bed, jumping on the scales, trying to open all drawers, getting onto shelves..

I am going to sit and write a list of everything so that when have my consultation I can list all of my concerns.

When I have spoken to proffessionals they have also said in the past wekk he has had alot to deal with,, and he has but I dont think this is the root of the problem but it certainly hasnt helped.

Just as an idea.. We left Cyrpus 2nd Nov 06 arrived in Germany, daddy went away for 5days the next day, two weeks later I found out I was pg and dh deployed for 4 months. Feb 07 dh came home, had a week of work then straightback to work, ing long hours as lots on.. July baby was born, August baby and I in hospital as baby needed an operation for Pyloric stenosis, so I was away from DS1 for 10days.. dh was at work as on a course so his dad cam over to look after him.. End of Aug we moved to another house 15mins away so we had a bigger house so he had to make friends again.. Started a new school, daddy went away for 2weeks in Sept, 6weeks from 8th oct till mid Nov, home for a weekend then in the UK for a week. Tehn straight onanother course when he came back.. Then had 2weeks of for xmas then on the 8tth jan back to the uk for another course for a week.. Then back to work then deployed again 10th feb.. He will be back August.. so I do appreciate that all this has been alot for him to deal with. But we do try and prepare the children with every aspect of our lives as it happens.. andmake all moves as easy on ..them as we possibly can. DD has never been affected by all of this.
DS1 is very much a daddies boy though.

Sorry I am just rambling, just want things to be explained ome.

As someone said if there is a prob I want it sorted or help asap.. I am not one of these mothers who deny there children need help, if they need it they need it.. I just dont want him labelled as stupid, etc.. when there is an underlying proplem, I dont want it brushed under the carpets.. I will be proud of my children whatever they achieve as long as they try their best...

This has been going on since he was 18months old.. the health visitor ibn Cyprus did want me to persue things then but tbhI said no at the tim,e and agreeed with her that if by 2.5years -3years things hadnt calmed down then I would persue.. unfortunalty because we moved i did persue but to no avail... hence the confusion.

He had clinical measurements done last summer and all was normal as far as they could tell!! But hewouldnt sit still forthe 2 mins for each ear.

Maybe I should sit in the doctors for a full day and let them watch him.. DH and I do call him the tornado.. he doesnt stop from the moment he gets up till he goes to bed.. genreally 6.30am-7pm

Sorry I am waughling I know, but it is so hard trying to explain everything.. but i figure the more you know the better undestanding you mat have.

I love my little boy, but sometimes I dont want him as I cant cope.. that is awful to say as a mother but I just dont know how to deal with him, so hopefully if I can get it sorted and the help I need I wont feel like this anymore..

Sorry again and thank you for your help

ds2 had something of a traumatic toddlerhood too. dd was born when he was a little over 2 - she became very sick 4 months later and spent months in hospital (not close to home)during which time I saw very little of the boys. It was during this time that his obessive traits came to the fore. He was also quite calm at nursery although they did have concerns about his social skills.
I don't know what I'm trying to say really - he's obviously has had a lot to deal with and I know how worrying it is if you think something isn't quite right.

Hopefully someone else will be along soon with more knowledge of this sort of thing and of getting him assessed if that's the way you want to go.

Thank you..

The docotrs and health visitor have said before about how much he has gone through.. The head of key sage 1 said it too saying he could be punishing me for daddy being away alot.. heis behaviour doesnt really alter when daddy is here or away..but he does go back to weeing the bed when my dh is away. I just get big boy night pants for him.. then it is his choice whether he wears them.

TBH I erally dont know anymore.. sometimes I think it is me.. I start to doubt my parenting skills with him.. But dd is ok and has alwsys been ok with change, etc.. When she was 18months her dad left us a month later we moved to the south, then everyyear we lived within the same area but diferent houses. Then when i got married, we moved again for 5 months, thenback to mams whilt dh went to Cyprus and we couldnt go till I had had the baby DS1 so for 8months we lived at my mams then we moved to Cyprus after he wasborn.. then the rest is the same. She has always been well adjusted and takesd everything in her stride.

The therapist is phoning me tommorrow morning, so will have a lengthy discussion with her and hopefully arrange an appointment for her to come to the house and have a proper chat about things how I find him etc...

Tahnk you all again for you advice ithad been much appreiciated..