Hello wise mumsnetters I’d really appreciate any support, guidance or a little hand hold with this as I’m feeling lost.
My son (year 3, are 8) has always had tendencies to take it out on himself when frustrated. I remember the first time he did it as a little two year old, when told to put down a stone he started hitting his head against the wall. Throughout his life if frustrated he has, at times but not all the time, engaged in negative self talk such as ‘I’m the worst person, I hate myself’ or hit his head with his hand. I’ve tried lots of strategies with this, acknowledging the emotion he’s feeling, tried breathing techniques, used thoughts-feelings-actions techniques but he has been unable to put it into practice when he becomes overwhelmed or frustrated. The hitting himself doesn’t happen all the time but it is starting to become more common. He has always struggled to regulated his emotions. If he feels he has done something wrong, if he loses, if he thinks an injustice has been done against him (ie someone has hurt him) he gets really upset - inconsolably so. It is now starting to impact his friendships as other children are starting to call him a baby etc, and beginning to leave him out which is making him become more upset - and is becoming a vicious cycle.
Another factor is that he has struggled with reading and writings. Verbally he is really smart, his general knowledge and maths is very impressive and he retains facts about history, animals, science incredibly and impressively so. But he has really struggled with reading and writing, verbally, he can spell, tell a story, answer any comprehension question but when putting it on paper it’s a real struggle for him. I’d say his reading has pretty much caught up - but he can’t recognise syllables and phonetic sounds in long words so has essentially leaned read through site reading and rote learning rather than phonetically.
It all came to a head today with a call from the teacher explaining that he was strangling himself quite vigorously on the playground. She explained that he did something similar last week but they assumed it was part of a game. She thinks he may be dyslexic due to the reasons outline above and that he has been having to work so hard in class to keep up that he becomes exhausted and emotional on the playground.
I agree with her that he may have dyslexia, and potentially another need as the self harm doesn’t always happen at school after school work but can also happen at parties or social events, but I am aware it can take such a long time to get any form of diagnosis or help. So in the meantime whilst we follow the normal processes in school is there anything else I can do to help? Has anyone ever had similar with their child, it breaks my heart to see him so angry and upset with himself (I try hugging him when he’s doing it but it doesn’t help). As a concerned mother I’m completely spiralling with worry about what will happen to him - Will his self harm escalate? What will happen as a teenager? Could he become suicidal?
I’m so so worried and would be really grateful for any support or guidance.
P.S. I used to be a teacher and an assistant educational psychologist after a child psychologist masters - I don’t want to drop fees but wanted to give an idea of my understanding.
Sorry about the essay.