Teacher told DS's class to retaliate against boy with AS

[Cocobear]

(Reposted from Behaviour/dev)

A 4 year old boy in DS's nursery class has had a preliminary diagnosis of AS (or possibly autism, or possibly something else altogether. We are in Ghana. He is going to UK for evaluation next month.)

He's a sweet little guy, very cuddly, always smiling, but also strokes the other children, hangs on them, pulls hair. He's not mean, but his attention can be a bit much for them. His communication skills are not great, so it can be difficult for the other children to understand him and play with him.

This afternoon a group of us mums and kids were having a little playgroup, when one of DS's little classmates comes running out of the playroom fussing, as the little boy had pulled her hair. He followed her and pulled her hair again. So DS comes out, steps up to boy and yells, "No!" and hits the boy in the chest. DS is the world's most non-aggressive child, and I've never seen him hit anyone before. Oi no, I say, apologise and get yourself over here for a chat. (The boy's mum had also pulled him aside for a no-hair-pulling talk.) DS very upset, and tells me, but Mommy teacher said we should do to X whatever he does to us.

Maybe he misunderstood the teacher, I think to myself. But another mother overheard him and said, no, my son came home yesterday and told me she'd said, if he pulls your hair, pull his. If he hits you, hit him back.

!!

So, two questions. What to do with the teacher? And what suggestions do you all have on helping DS and his classmates get along better with the little boy. Clearly that guidance won't be coming from his teacher!

Oh that is so sad

The teacher clearly doesn't understand how the boy's brain ticks - pulling his hair/hitting him back won't help, he just won't get that how he feels when they do it to him is how they feel when he does it, he'll just feel like sh*t and completely confused.

The children need help understanding that he doesn't understand about personal space etc, and the teacher needs to focus more on intervening as she can see him getting more intense.

I have no idea how you can explain that to the teacher though.

How well do you know his mother? I'm thinking the teacher side of things needs to come from her.

wow...that sounds just like my son!!

Im having a long running battle with my sons school ( in the uk) over thier handling of him, if i found out his teacher had siad that i would be pulling my kids out!

It's not only morally wrong to say "do it back" but its also wrong to involve the other kids. Has anything been said to the teacher or the head?

I would think a teacher telling any child, autistic or not, to meet violence with violence should be reported to the headteacher. You should phrase it that perhaps this child has got it wrong, but I would definitely make a complaint. children taught to hit back when hit are tomorrow's hooligans!!! Good luck!

That's awful!

With or without ASD you can't encourage violence! The little lad probably doesn't understand he's hurting them when he does it and is possibly only doing it in an attempt to interact. Can you imagine then if he got hurt back?

The nursery school need to get him some support not strip him of his self esteem.

Another mum went in to complain today (my appointment with the teacher is for Monday). She reported back that indeed the teacher HAD told the kids to pull hair/slap his hand/etc to "defend themselves". As I suspected, the head teacher had agreed this little tactic. (Is there an emoticon for 'I'd be shocked if this wasn't entirely to be expected')?

Anyhow, they immediately backed down and said they will have a talk with the children on Monday (one wonders what they're going to say - think I can wire up my kid??). Teacher said the little boy is very aggressive in class, always screaming, anytime she turns her back he is onto one child or another.

She freely admitted she has no idea how to deal with him. She is, in fairness, not trained in SN and apparently the head isn't either! I really think the his mum needs to look for another school, where they DO have a policy and a clue.

It's all just so depressing.

Fucking hell!! (sorry)

What a horrible teacher. Clearly she has no clue about SN.

I would tell your child she is very wrong and he is not to hit back.

Depressing cocobear but not suprising.

Thing is though teachers get very little formal training in SN and the nature and presentation of diferent children.

They get very little training in managing behaviour and, sometimes, it shows.

In terms of the little boy in class, it's not for the children to manage him and decide how to react to him. They are children for god's sakes. It is for the adults involved to come up with strategies and (this is the bit teachers often don't get) if something does not work, don't keep using it, try something else.

The staff may well not be trained to deal with SN but surely it isn't rocket science for them to find out some basic facts.

I don't about Ghana but violence is so endemic here (Nigeria) that most people wouldn't give such treatment a second thought.

Offer to help, nurseries love parents to stay and help, don't they?

Yeah, Suedonim, children get a pretty rough ride here, but it's an expat-run school so I was hoping for a better approach.

Staying to help a good idea. I can't do it as I have a young baby, but the boy's mum might be able to, at least for a bit.