Screen time limits for 10 yr old with aspergers, should it be the same as NT child

[Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong]

Hi, my DS is 10 and is quite typical of a child with aspergers, he is very articulate, but can be slow to pick up on social cues and tends to be very different from his peers. He gets teased a bit unfortunately. He used to have a lot of sensory needs that have faded over time, but he still likes to have a chill out time when he comes home from school where he hides under a blanket and goes on his tablet. When he first got a tablet I was quite strict but over time the rules got a little looser and he now spends way too much time on it. I have limited Youtube as he was watching silly youtubers talking rubbish, but I don't mind him playing a few games. He also loves animating and can spend hours on this. We also have some TV shows we watch together, but I'm not concerned about that.

They had a talk in the school recently and I realised he is way over the daily limits recommended. In fact I was embarrassed to hear he stood up in assembly boasting about how much time he spends on screens. We have a tablet free day at home and he tends to watch Netflix or TV instead, we used to also have a full screen free day but I got lax over the Summer and didn't reintroduce it in September. It brings more stress on me to reduce it but I think I need to start being a better parent and regulate a bit more.

My question is - do many ND children use screen time to regulate? I've heard they do. If so, how do you know which advice to follow, should he be treated the same as a NT child? Is it worth the upset to reduce screens?

Any thoughts or advice appreciated.

Some ND people use screens to help them regulate.

We limit screen time. It doesn't work for everyone, but, for us/DSs, that is what works and too much screen time has a negative effect.

No, not really. ND use of screen times is often different - certainly helps with regulation (for example, with our ASD 12 year old, if we are in a restaurant which is noisy/stressful, playing a game on the phone helps distract him and calm him). Also the myth of "screen time = bad" has largely been debunked. It all depends on what they are doing. Our son plays a lot of Pokemon games on the Switch, but then also spends hours creating his own pokemon worlds/levels, drawing maps and designing his own Pokemon etc as an offshoot of that. He also struggles with doing exercise, but both the Switch exercise games, and Pokemon Go when he is having a hard time with anxiety on a walk outside, really help.

Another good point is to engage with them when they are on screens - Naomi Fisher has a lot of good work on this - make it something that helps with bonding (I get regular info-dumps about Pokemon and have got very good at feigning interest/engagement after a long day at work 😂).That doesnt meet 12 hours of TV and never telling them to turn the damn thing off, but it also doesnt mean that having more than 1hr a day means you are a terrible parent. Some days they will need a chunk of time on screens, some days less. That is ok. We probably average 4hrs a day on a variety of mediums, I would guess.

Fundamentally - are they doing other things? Are they getting their school work done? Does it relax them/make them happy being on the screen or does it seem to work them up/aggravate them? I know some kids find screens too stimulating, so you may need to limit their use. But ultimately just trust your gut. Dont believe what other parents say either (I know plenty whose kid's actual screen time is significantly more than their parents say. My favourite was a parent who used to boast about not having a TV, and then in turned out the kids spent hours watching shows on their phones...) and dont believe the endless articles online telling you screens are bad per se. In the early days of the novel, there was massive scare mongering about it rotting your brain and of women so engrossed in reading they never left the house...

Anyway - who are we to talk? I spend hours every day at my desk staring at a screen for work, watch a couple of hours of tv in the evening and probably waste far too much time looking at my phone. Most of us adults do the same. The idea that our kids need to be having some idealised 1950's childhood of playing outside, reading improving literature etc etc is just nonsense.