3 yr old clothes refusal

[Cocteautriplet]

DD is 3.5yrs and hates wearing clothes. Every morning is a battle to get her dressed (epic tantrums) which can often lead to a complete refusal to leave the house and a missed nursery session (entire other thread!). If I do get her out the first thing she does on returning is to strip off. I suspect she has ASD as her two brothers are ND.

Any practical tips? She currently has a streaming cold but is running around with nothing on - having removed her dressing gown ( the only thing she sometimes tolerate when we are home). We have the heating at 20 but it’s costing a fortune also I can feel like a prisoner in my own home at times / it’s embarrassing when visitors come round particularly DS’s friends.

Any ideas?

Things we’ve tried unsuccessfully:

• letting her chose her clothes
• posh organic cotton pants and vests
• books about dressing

Help!

Oh also bribery which sometimes works but is very hit and miss and a path I’d rather avoid.

I feel for you my son was largely naked until about 4, then he found a top/trouser combo that he likes and he's been wearing the same thing in bigger sizes ever since.

Are there any textures/colours she particularly likes? For my son it's partly visual and partly about size and texture

Have you tried sensory friendly clothes e.g. seamless/seamfree vests, pants, socks. Some find wearing clothes inside out helps.

Has DD been referred for an ASD assessment? A sensory OT assessment could help. It is worth looking at. However, many ICBs no longer commission sensory OT on the NHS. Have you looked at DLA?

DS is okay once dressed, but hates getting dressed. We have turned it into a game/competition - it helps him, but also helps us to keep things light rather than stressful, which inevitably slows everything down (easier said than done!).We use timers a lot in our house and DS always has to do everything in his order. On our morning list is waking up, getting out of bed, eating breakfast, having a wee, getting undressed, getting dressed, shoes on, brush teeth, coat on, etc. He has a time to beat for each activity and gets rewarded with screentime (a short episode of something on CBeebies) if he does it all with time to spare.

His record was getting pyjamas off and dressed in 2 minutes. 🏆 He also really likes his clothes to be warmed on the radiator.

Good luck! 🤞

Some ideas:

Can she tell you what she finds hard about wearing clothes? If you look up Ross Greene/Collaborative problem solving there are a lot of suggestions for how to have a useful conversation with little kids.

This company sell a tester pack of fabric swatches for £1 - could be worth trying? Haven't used them so can't recommend re: quality.
https://rarebirds.co/

Would she wear a swimsuit to go swimming? If so - might she wear one at home?

The dressing gown thing makes me wonder if she's made a decision against 'clothes' but might wear 'not clothes'. Would fancy dress be an option? Something like these kigu onesies could be pitched as 'not clothes' but are also warm and practical. https://kigu.co.uk/collections/kids

I should say that he stays naked for a time after getting undressed in the morning and bath time, which is usually visitor free and gives him his naked run. 😅 We try to let him be naked when he wants, but usually time this too. He really responds to full explanations: "we know that you like to be naked, so you can be naked for 30 minutes, but then..."

• your body will start to get too cold and we want you to stay well, so then you will get dressed
• we are expecting a visitor and being naked is for family time only, so then you will get dressed, etc.

Ah you are all so wonderful- really great ideas thank you! We are at the very beginning of her assessment Journey due to a cock up with the GP referring her to Camhs rather than community paediatrics back in the summer. No DLA or official support yet.

Apply for DLA. Use the Cerebra guide to help you complete the form.

Can she articulate what exactly it is about the clothes?

DD is 7, can't bear 'tight' clothes and has particular issues with knickers and socks. We have tried literally dozens of different knickers, but what is currently working is boys' underpants in the size above. Socks the same, but she now tolerates the bamboo ones from the Sock shop (turned inside out). Won't wear tights, school trousers or leggings so wears harem pants or jogging bottoms (including to school).

Though she still prefers to wear the very minimum at home (and usually takes socks and trousers off as soon as she gets in).

My 3.5 year old DS is exact same, won't wear trousers just shorts. If we put him in trousers he rolls them up to shorts and point blank refuses to pull them down. Does the same with tops now and even his jacket so his arms are all exposed. Nightmare in this weather.

Interesting you wonder about ASD as the thought has crossed my mind. I wonder does your DD have any other indicators? Just curious to see if she sounds similar to my boy

Hi Tufty, DD’s indicators are that she stims ( flapping / wrist twirling and toe walking), she doesn’t like transitions in general, she’s a very poor sleeper, very fussy eater, hates hair being touched / washed and she finds sharing very hard. She also parallel plays rather than engaging one on one play but she is quite young still (only 3.5).

Her other sibs have asd / add so I’ve always thought she might too.