Safety advice please

[umm23]

Hi all

I'm just looking for practical advice if anyone can help.

I am a mother of 3

1 diagnosed autism level2/3 age 5

2 - suspected autism/adhd aged 3 and 2 for context

All non verbal.

My child is a bolter. With no warning (sometimes I can see him stare at something that interests him before he runs). I've had a few scary incidents in the past.

As I have two younger ones my middle is also a runner and usually have a double pushchair and hold my 5 year olds hand.

I have a extreme fear/crippling anxiety and intrusive thoughts that something bad will happen like running in front of a bus.

Does anyone have any practical advice that can help? Or any tools to help my child/dren understand dangers that could occur.

Or has anyone experienced multiple non verbal children and safety.

My family have said that the issue is more to do with my anxiety and to go over to theirs for support as more people to keep an eye on the kids. However it's hard because they live in a house with lots of windows and doors. All I do is contanstly lock the doors and windows and double check. I don't want my kids to feel trapped or in a prison and I want to create a balance where they are happy to explore outside surroundings in a safe setting.

I don't know what to do. When I try to organise fun things to do on the weekends/holidays. I feel like I can function or breathe properly until we are home and safe again. Then I feel crappy because I was busy making sure no one bolted instead of enjoying activity with the kids.

Is this just motherhood? lol

For when you are on your own, would a triple buggy work? Or a double with the easiest to carry DC in a carrier or buggy board or reins for the DC who would manage the buggy board/reins the best on any given journey?

Does DC1 have a blue badge?
Have you had social care assessments and contact Home Start?
Rather than you go to your family, can they come to you?

Hiya

ive tried using the safety reins but it usually results in more meltdowns and DC1 gets super upset and would prefer to hold the buggy with my hand over his.

I haven’t tried a buggy board - which tbh I haven’t even thought of.

DC1 does have a blue badge however a year and a bit since I’ve had to get rid car as it was too expensive to keep fixing.

We haven’t had any social care assessments and I don’t know what homestart is 🙈 (I will look into now)

My family very rarely come over to me, its usually us going to them.. sometimes seems like more stress than it’s worth.

We went through a bolter stage with ds until about a couple of years ago (he's 10) and I get your anxiety completely. I think if you haven't had a bolter you can't understand that every situation requires so much extra thought and planning.

The buggy board was a game changer for us and we used it way past the age you're supposed too without any issues. We ended up getting a SEN buggy for him and even used the buggy board on that too!

Something my son enjoys doing now he's older is following the map on my phone and telling us where we are going. Keeps him focused and not running off.

Could DC1 go in the buggy and DC2 or 3 use the reins (or buggy board)?

Home Start is a charity that supports families with DC under 5. Their support can include leaving the house. It wouldn't solve the issue completely, but it would enable you to leave to house sometimes with another pair of hands so you could use a double and a single buggy.

Request social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the disabled children’s team for DS. On their website, Contact has model letters you can use to request them.

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to? Does DC1 get HRM DLA? If not, do you think he meets the criteria?

Okay buggy board is on top of the list! Thanks

I do swap them around in the buggy depending on agitation levels especially if we’ve had a long day out.

I was looking at homestart earlier when you mentioned and I can self refer. A pair of extra hands would be a god send.

I receive DLA but I applied before diagnosis and we were awarded middle rate based on his gut issues. I’ve done a change of circumstances recently but that takes forever.

okay thank you thank you thank you for the referals. Honestly sometimes I’m so lost navigating and just trying to get through, I don’t realise the help that’s available.

My 5yo sounds similar. I’ve found giving him opportunities to run helpful. So there is a distinction between ‘walking holding Mammy’s hand’ and ‘run’. It’s helped to improve walking around, but I’d never take my hands off him, just in case.

Not sure how you could do that with two in a buggy. Sorry, wish I could be more help.

Not to go against the grain but I would advise against a buggy board with a double buggy. It will be really very heavy to push 3 children for any extended period of time and things like any bumps, kerbs or hills could be a problem pushing that weight.

I think it would be best to revisit your DLA claim and see if you're entitled to the mobility element of DLA for your 5 year old and you could then use this towards a more reliable car. I'm not familiar with it myself but I think there is a scheme called Motability who provide car payment plans for DLA claimants.

Is a double buggy with a buggy board harder than a triple buggy? We had a triple and whilst not as easy to push as a single, it was more than possible. Particularly compared to a double and a child bolting or refusing to walk during a meltdown.

I'm going to try the buggy board. My buggy with two kids isn't very heavy and quite light so I'll give it a go.

I've done a reassessment with DLA, however I'm not very hopeful with the mobility aspect.

I've been thinking the safest option right now at the ages and stages they are at is to get a new car and try out the buggy board in the meantime.

In regards to opportunities to run, I do try that a lot. We went to a farm and I thought it's an open field he can't get too far - he went straight for the outside gate to the cars in the distance lol

Out of curiousity, at what ages did your children stop using buggy's?

DS1 is a teen and still uses an SN buggy. He has a wheelchair too, but prefers the buggy.

When completing the DLA form, did you look at the flowcharts for HRM to make sure you evidenced every point?

Mine left the buggy as soon as he was able. So about 2-2 1/2.

yes, it takes a while to get used to where is good for a run and where isn’t. We’ve got a little walk figured out round where we live and it’s so helpful. Just got to watch out for dogs. And him eating grass and twigs. And…and…and… the list never ends.