Teenage boys with special needs.

[45nanny]

Hi i have a son who will soon be 13 and i have suddenly realised i know very little about what is going to happen to his body as he grows, the changes that happen and what i can do to help. Have posted on teenagers and have a couple of great replies, but think i need abit more help as my son has special needs.
Mentally he is about 3 and has very little speech, so has difficulty in telling me how he feels. He has started to have changes to his body ,but with having two girls(18 and 16) and being a women ,i'm not sure what is going to happen and when . Have read up on a few web sites , but first hand experience is always better. Thanks.

Anybody!!!, prehaps come back later.

45nanny
sorry - can't help much but didn't want you to be ignored.
my DS1 is nt and going through puberty. Ds2 is sn but only 12 and nothing has happened yet.
I am justtrying to wait and see how it goes. DS2 is pretty severe - I would say his understanding is broadly 3 or 4 years.
the only preview of things to come is that we are already explaining to him that if he wants to play with his willy that is private and he needs to go and do that in his bedroom .
No physical changes yet.
Sorry - I am pretty unprepared myself

Thanks pagwatch, had hoped for more replies ,but realise that people might just be busy.
My son has started to get some changes ,so though i'd better get a bit more information , so i can understand what is going on with his body.Thanks for the reply anyway.

If it is any help ( having thought about it a bit longer). We have shown DS2 how his brother is changing. Just when DS1 is getting washed showing DS2 the hair under his arms and talked about DS1 growing up and being a bigger boy. Ds1 is very sweet like that - not many 14 year old will flash their hairy bits at their siblings in the name of education. maybe have a look at finding a book with pictures showing body changes. As with my DS2 , you may not be able to explain the whys but a visual of what is going to happen may at least help him recognise that his body will change.
Also DS1 has had verylittle emotional reaction - perhaps a bit more 'sensitive' to jokes and criticism but nothing major. So you may find that body changes are your only concern.
I do have to warn you though that DS1 started eating everything in sight and continues to eat me out of house and home so don't be surprised/worried if his food consumption goes through the roof.
I am trying to find ways now to encourage DS" to be more active in preparation. I think the need for boys to burn off energy increases and i think if not sated that could tip into difficult/explosive behaviours.
HTH's

I posted about this subject months ago with little response (have namechanged since). My ds is 13.5 and has moderate cerebral palsy. His communication is good and he has almost age-appro understanding, however, he is a little young emotionally and doesn't always stick to the social etiquette. I think this has a lot of to with having always been in special ed.
This is the scariest time for me since he was an infant and there is a dearth of info/support for this. I have so many 'But how did you deal with...' questions but tbh I feel a little disloyal to ds discussing such intimate aspects of him.
I will follow in case anyone comes up with any useful resources.

Mouselady
I undrstand what you mean about disloyalty.
I think though that my DS1 reaching 14 has helped as I have realised that being open and honest and frank with him about his changing bady etc is the most respectful way to deal with him as it is helping him to be unashamed IYSWIM. So, as a consequence I have tried to be open and unembaressed with DS2 so that he gains some sense of what is 'private' without being made to feel he is doing or feeling anything bad.

But I have to confess I am not looking forward to things like when he gets his first erection at the beach or swimming pool. ( FWIW Baggy swimmers is the extent of my preparedness in that regard )

Not sure where you are in the UK but,

Here in west Wales there is a specific course run every year for young people with LD which is specifically about sex sexuality and puberty.

It also includes a big section about touching and what is appropriate and what is not, how to tell if someone touches you and you don't want them to etc etc.

It is run by one of the SN schools it might be worth asking the SENCO or at your GP surgery.

Pag, don't misunderstand me - I don't have a problem discussing matters with ds - we have had some very interesting ones with regard to disguising involuntary erections - the disloyalty I feel is discussing matters on this message board!
Silly, I know. Any help to get me over this gratefully appreciated.
Also, at the moment we are having lots of discusssions about how to chuck a school girlfriend.

I think there is a LOT of info, advice and experience out there, e.g. NAS info sheets, books, conferences AND lots of special schools run parents' groups around this issue. But reality is still going to be impossible to predict. My DS is 12.5 and has severe ASD, we are expecting changes soon too! I am not going to drive myself mad, assuming there will be problems as opposed to changes but I am still worried about the fact that he almost refuses to wear clothes around the house, arrgh! I have lots of friends with slightly older children and things seem to have been fairly smooth for most of them (or so they say). I know a couple of people with daughters who have had to deal with periods and there are various strategies - start showing them and using pads before periods start, show them pads with red dye so it isn't a shock when they see red in RL. I can't remember any other things they did I'm afraid. More than anything I think we need to decide what our attitude is going to be, usually most people deal with masturbation by allowing it (not being disapproving/shocked) and not trying to prevent it but taking/sending the child to their bedroom as soon as there is any sign. Of course this is fine if they have their own room and you are at home but what if you are not???? I will ask my friends a bit more about this (I am seeing two of them next week) and post back.

Thanks davros, i,m not bothered(although other people around meare) by hands down the trousers (after all most men have a fiddle at least once in the day) but I would like him to learn that is isn't exceptable to get it out in full view,just as we are teaching to teach him about other types of unexceptable behaviour.
But it is difficult and i do need to read up or prehaps talk to his school nurse to see how they deal with things at school .I havnt heard of any parent or school run classes, but will do some digging to see if i can find some.
I just really wanted to know about body changes ,as with having girls it is a little different. I am finding loads of web sites regarding body changes though , but as i dont have friends with boys ,just wanted some mums input. Thanks.

Mouselady
I don't fret - I knew exactly what you meant about open forum.
My commants about talking to my DS1 were just general/seperate - about how talking to my NT has helped me to apply that to DS2.

Doh !
that should be "don't fret!" not " I don't fret" ( when cearly I do !) sorry