Asperger diagnosis in older teen/adult esp. female?

[alysonpeaches]

Has anyone had experience of getting a family member diagnosed for Asperger's Syndrome?

I have a 21 year old daughter who seems to meet some of the criteria and I am going to take her shortly to ask our GP for a particular referall (someone recommended consultant locally).

Ive read an awful lot recently, there is some information out there about female asperger's and also more mature people with the syndrome, but the majority of the information seems to be geered to parents of small boys (because that is where it is most prevalent I suppose).

Would anyone like to share their experience of diagnosis? Did it help?

Hi Alyson,

I think we may have already met on SF, i sneeked a peek at your MN profile and we live in the same city. .

My daugher has AS, but is only 5 so im dont really think that our experiance will be of much help to you.

However i recently bought this book,

www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Girls-Tony-Attwood/dp/193256540X/ref=pd_sim_b_title_1

It has been really interesting, and is mainly about older girls. So maybe this would be helpfull for you.

Your are more than welcome to borrow my copy, if you are any where near S6.

I'm Aspergers and female. What questions do you want to ask?

Thank you two cute darlings. By coincidence I ordered that book yesterday from Amazon Marketplace! Hopefully it will come soon. Im in S8, so other side of city to you. I suspect our paths will cross again though.

Bullet123, thank you for the offer. How old were you when you were diagnosed? Did the diagnosis help? Do you get any support?

My daughter initially wasnt keen on the idea of a consultation, but she doesnt like visiting the doctor or dentist at any time. I have persuaded her to come along, but its hard to tell how she feels about it, apart from the fact that she said the doctor would probably just dismiss it. I dont think our GP will though, I am waiting to see a particular senior partner (female) in our practice who is good at things like this. Im actually quite surprised that she has agreed to come along.

Great to hear that she has agreed to go to the doctors with you .

Good luck, i hope it all goes well.

I was 31 when I got diagnosed. I'd probably have been diagnosed a lot earlier, I was recognised as different and paediatricians, my dad and teachers wanted me assessed, but my mum didn't want me labelled and of course I didn't know. Which on the one hand is good as it meant that no official judgements regarding my outcome and capabilities were made of me at a time when there was very little understanding of Aspergers. But ion the other it meant that I went through things without any support or help or understanding and even today I still find it extremely hard to ask for help with things I need.
I feel guilty for saying this, as so many adults on the spectrum have a devil of a job getting diagnosed, but my experience was quite straightforward. I was referred by one of the GPS, seen a couple of months later and was told I was definitely Aspergers by the psychiatrist. I know that I could have taken it further, had IQ tests done etc but for me all I wanted to know was whether I was on the spectrum and Aspergers is the best fit, bar the fact I have rubbish self help skills.
Bear in mind that if your dd does get diagnosed that females can present differently to males. I was lucky in that the psychiatrist knew what to look for ,so when I spoke about how I loved reading the old classics like Jane Eyre and also the old style detective stories and how I love imagining what's happening, he didn't dismiss it.

Can I ask Bullet - what difference has it made to you having a dx?

We realised about 5 years ago that my sister is most likely AS (mild, but there iyswim) - everything suddenly slotted into place, it wasn't an "attitude problem", she just works differently. She is now 30, I don't think she would ever go for a dx, but I didn't know if it would actually help if she did.

From a purely selfish point of view, it would help me because we think DD is (again, mild), and doctors always go if I say we think my Dsis is, it is always that "So you have self diagnosed with the internet" kind of look

Off to look at that book now!!!

Thank you bullet and flamesparrow.

We are going today to see the CP and ask for a referral. The consultant I had hoped to see who is based in my city is, unfortunately, a tertiary referrals only unless you go private. This means you have to see another consultant before you see him. So Im hoping the GP knows where to send us, but Im still researching it.

Flamesparrow: Im expecting the look from the doctors too. I have a psych degree and thought about mentioning that, but that might make them think Im even more of a know-all. But the GP I have chosen to visit isnt normally like that, and has always treated me fairly. Wish me luck!

It's helped DH to understand that when I forget to do things, or when I don't see something that's right in front of me, I'm not doing it on purpose, I just don't register it. When I flinch away from him touching me, or can rarely initiate talking (unless it's to Ds1 and Ds2) or can rarely initiate sex he knows I don't mean to hurt him or ignore him. It means that he now understands there are some things, like being able to tell him when I'm upset or stressed at something, what is wrong, rather than thinking I should just tell him.
It means that, with the weay my Aspergers is (I know others can drive) that it would almost certaintly be dangerous for me to drive. Before, I thought that one day I might learn to drive, but now knowing that my poor reactions, poor judgement of time and space and frequent tendency to day dream means I would be a liability.
It's got me no services, but I haven't applied for any.
It's meant that I've encountered a range of opinions, positive and negative, fortunately with the negative few have been directed at me personally.

Sorry to hear you have come up against some negative opinions. The people holding the opinions have the problem though, not you.

I was very interested in what you say about learning to drive. I have often spoken to my daughter about it but she has refused to take lessons, she always says she doesnt trust herself, she thinks she would be dangerous, just the same as you. She doesnt seem to be particularly clumsy, but she was unable to learn to ride a bike and this was a big issue for her in junior school. I suppose its connected.

Its also interesting what you say about flinching away. When I try to hug my daughter she doesnt flinch she sort of just doesnt do anything, almost freezes. You get a sense of the hug not being returned or enjoyed although she never pushes me away. This sort of puts me off delivering the hugs. She has had an intimate relationship with a man though over a long period of time, but of course, wont talk to me about this.

Does your AS affect the way you deal with your children, if you dont mind me asking?

I don't mind you asking .
Yes, my AS has affected the way I deal with my children, but in positive ways. Both of them like big bear hugs, which I can cope with and Ds1 likes to sort of back into us for a hug, which since I like hugging from the back is no problem. Ds2 is very cuddly and definitely a mummy's boy . I flinch from light touches, or sudden hugs, which neither of my lads does.
Because I like to do things in the same order and to have aroutine for doing things it means I understand why Ds1 is the same. It ensures that I can plan things and organise things so don't feel rushed around a lot of the time. I am just getting used to not getting into a blind panic when dinner is delayed, but I still get stressed or upset if there are big changes to a day. I tend to get a lot more withdrawn and irritable afterwards. I have to admit that I did worry more about having girls than having boys, as my own make up means I relate more to males than females in many respects, but I suppose if I had had girls I would have coped.
Your dd may be fine to drive, it shouldn't be taken as automatic that AS people can't drive, although the DVLA does say you have to inform them and then they judge on an individual basis.

I forgot to add that one negative thing is that when the lads are in bed I find talking even more difficult as I've been talking to them and it's psychologically exhausting. Also, the toddler group I take Ds2 to is a nightmare as there's so much noise and commotion and I can rarely approach the other mums (who probably think I'm ignorant as I just sit there on my own). But (sounding like a martyr here ) I do think that when you have children you put their needs first. The toddler group is helpful for Ds2, so I go and just quietly stim and focus on something small in front of me.

Thanks again bullet. Just about every message you post rings some sort of bell with my daughter. She too relates better to males. Her one friend is a male.

I talked to her some more today about riding a bike (see my above post) and she told me something I didnt know about her. She said, oh its just this balance thing I have. What balance thing? Well apparently when she used to walk to the shops with her brother he always said she walked to one side i.e. veering over to one side. I didnt know this as she never mentioned it, but I think its probably significant and will tell the doctor. Her other friends have reported she still does it.

Just another thank you to everyone who has posted.

I really feel like a door has opened for us. We went to our GP and she agreed it was likely our daughter had Asperger's and referred her on to a psychiatrist. Unfortunately the adult route for diagnosis in our city involves a tertiary referral to the Asperger's service by a psychiatrist or psychologist. This takes a long time.

But the good news is, I had contacted someone at the University who is a senior lecturer in Asperger's and autism and he has offered to do all the preliminary work on assessing DD then pass her directly to the Asperger's specialist for a much reduced fee.

I am really relieved. But it has also made me more aware at how vulnerable she is and how many skills she will have to be taught.

That is excellent :D. She has a good chance of hopefully a quick referral if the GP agrees that she's probably on the spectrum. I know that the GP can't diagnose, but any professional backing will probably help.
She will learn skills and for those that she doesn't there are ways and means of doing things differently.

Im wondering if to do anything about benefits. Can anyone make any suggestions?

I don't claim DLA for myself so I'm afraid I don't know what it's like to claim as an adult. I do know that she would need to show that she needed more help than a typical adult with day to day living.