School - we can't continue like this

[Holly221288]

Hi,

Apologies in advance for the long post.

I have a 7 year old son who is currently diagnosed with ADHD and Severe Dyspraxia. He also has a speech condition that means he can be understood about 50% of the time. We are currently one form away from an Autism diagnosis too.

My son absolutely hates school and it is getting worse. Today it took over 90 minutes to get him in his uniform (his two older siblings had to help), my eldest son was late for school and we missed breakfast club. He cried from the moment his eyes opened, was violent and barricaded me/him in my bedroom.

When I pick him up, he comes out looking very sad. He then perks up until we walk in the door at home when all hell breaks loose as he is so dysregulated.

He had a brilliant teacher in year two who took time to get to know him and his quirks, she put things in place to make his day easier and things therefore became a little easier at home. He still disliked school but not to this level.

However his teacher this year claims she has no concerns about him in school at all. She has said his speech is no problem, he concentrates/focuses and is 'happy as larry' during the school day. She says all of the concerns his year two teacher had are no longer existent in year three.

I just feel at a complete loss of what to do. Home life is awful and it is breaking my heart to see him this upset.

Sounds very much like masking. Is he able to tell you what he struggles with in school?

@SalmonWellington yes I completely agree. All he will verbalise to me and school is that it is because I am not there.

Exactly the same for me. The class teacher is wrong. Can you arrange a meeting with the SENCO?

@HalLOUWeen have you had any luck getting anything in place to help? The Senco wanted to take him off the SEN register as she didn’t know he was diagnosed with anything so she’s not much help

Speak to the SENCO again. DS should be on the SEN register (a diagnosis isn’t necessary for that anyway) and they should be providing support and making adjustments to meet DS’s SEN.

Would arriving/leaving 5/10 mins early via a quieter entrance help? Could DS take something small that he associates with you to keep in his pocket? What support for DS's motor skills are they providing? Does the school offer anything like drawing and talking therapy, nurture group, emotional literacy support, Zones of Regulation? Is he receiving any SALT and OT support?

Request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Alongside this, if DS can’t attend school because of his MH/SEN the LA should ensure he receives a suitable full-time education. This should begin once it becomes clear 15 days will be missed. The days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive. Continuing to force DS to attend when he isn’t able to cope is likely to be counterproductive and cause further trauma.

@BlueBrick thank you so much for this really helpful response.

He goes to breakfast club (normally, today he didn’t make it) because I work. So that is a separate entrance.

He has begun to take a teddy which sits on a shelf in the classroom and I write him a lunchbox note each day. I also ‘squeeze’ my love into him to get him through the day.

They offer him no support at all other than 2 x 5 minutes of SALT a week (if this happens). We have just had our NHS OT sessions and they do nothing from her report. We also see an NHS SALT.

They will not support an EHCP application as they genuinely think nothing is wrong with him.

Similarly this is why I worry about him not attending school as they will say to the LA he is absolutely fine

Can you afford at least 1k for a private and tribunal standard Ed psych report? It's not right or fair - but it can force schools and local authorities to respond.

Request an EHCNA yourself. You don’t need the LA to support the request. Some for section 19 provision if DS isn’t able to attend school.

Follow up any verbal conversations with emails so you have a paper trail as evidence should you require it. Remind the school they must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN and they must make reasonable adjustments.

Personally, unless money is no object, I wouldn’t seek an independent EP assessment now before applying for an EHCNA. Anyone good will have a waiting list and you don’t want to delay requesting an EHCNA. Also, if you request an EHCNA and the LA agree to assess but not issue and you have to appeal, as many do, by the time you get to a hearing any report now may well be considered out of date. Previously, reports were considered up to date for around 2 years, but over the last few years, SENDIST has considered reports much younger out of date. And, if the LA e.g. agree to assess but not issue you may decide instead you need to target your money at e.g. independent OT and SALT reports and the LA EP report will do (not brilliant but satisfactory compared to the need for independent SALT and OT).

@BlueBrick thank you so so much once again, this advice is invaluable. I have a meeting with the Head tomorrow as my sons teacher from last year approached me to say she had written 4 pages of concerns for me to give to the Paediatrician however the head and his current teacher advised her I must not know as this is no longer the child they see. I genuinely can’t believe I am typing that.

Any advice for the meeting? I am currently writing notes on the ways he has/is being let down. I will be telling him that if things don’t change then I will have no choice but to remove him. Would that be wise?

Thank you once again

Follow up the meeting with an email so you have a paper trail. And consider recording the meeting. As part of the meeting, I would directly ask for the notes from the previous teacher. Ask why they think DS no longer needs the adjustments they previously deemed he did.

I will be telling him that if things don’t change then I will have no choice but to remove him. Would that be wise?

No, that wouldn’t be wise. Don’t deregister. Parents often find it easier to get support when DC remain in the system. Crudely, currently you are someone’s problem. If you EHE, it is easier for others to sweep DC’s needs under the carpet. However, if DS can’t attend, that doesn’t mean you have to force him to. You should request an EHCNA and if DS can’t attend s19 provision.

A couple of days after the meeting, I would submit a SAR in order to get a copy of any communication.