How to help my 13,4 month old who is delayed?

[Wobblyheart]

Hello...

I am looking for advice on how to engage with my toddler who doesn't engage me in his play.

I want to preface this by being completely honest and transparent as i have posted before about my child. I am also ridden with anxiety and get dismissed because of that, however I am not sure that it is just my anxiety talking.

I felt very reassured about his development around 12 month mark. He started pointing (albeit without eye contact), was reaching to be picked up in response to me reaching out to him, started clapping and waving, babbling. However, since about 12,5 months (so for.about a month now) his development has stalled and he seems to be slowly regressing.

I cannot remember last time he reached put to be picked up, he stopped clapping and following commands (he knew give, clap, bye bye, peekaboo without gestures). He used to know who dada is but now confuses him with 'doggie'.

His joint attention has always been limited - probably would only.l see a three point gaze once or twice day and some days none.

We never had back and forth exchange of babbling or.any other sounds (no imitation of.raspberries, coughs, facial expressions). No rolling ball back and forth or other back and forth play.

He is very sensory seeking - flaps arms, rocks in his highchair, borrows his head into me, tossing and fidgeting all the time. Squeezes, scratches, grabs faces and pulls hair. Throws himself about for fun, shakes head. It has been a problem at nursery. Easily frustrated, tantrums because of trivial things but does calm down quickly. Trantrums when going to and out of Bath, being changed and car seat.

Play is limited to throwing, banging and pushing objects about unless I sit down with him and direct his play (and I would only.habe his attention dor a minute or so). Likes to crawl away from me and has no sense of danger - tries to throw himself head

He does initiate peekaboo, smiles when I smile at him, checks in a good amout of time, happy to see me come into the room, has a little bit of stranger danger and understands no.

He has gross motor delays -.at 13,5 month old he is in black on 12 month ASQ and grey in communication and social-personal.

I find it hard to engage him in play, he does check in with me but he is perfectly happy to just crawl about and open drawers etc, push books, throw stuff without my involvement for long periods of time. I find it really hard because I don't feel connected to him. Like I am trying so hard to sing and play and have thay interaction but it's like talking at a blank wall. Do I just let him play on his own?.or do I have to keep continue trying, it's so disheartening.

Also, is there anything apart from usual HV route that you can recommend accessing, I will consider private therapies if its an option.

Thank you for reading this

I'd here a reason that you don't want an assessment by the HV?

I think loosing skills, coupled with the scoring in the black for Gross Motor Skills and in the Grey for Communication warrants investigation. There might not be anything wrong but the waiting lists are long abc the quickest ways to get on the waiting lists at this age are usually through your HV or GP.

Have the Nursery been of any help?

Thank you, I am all for HV assessment. They should visit us next week. They were supposed.to visit us earlier but we erre down with stomach bug then. I just wondered what I could do in addition to this.

How can the nursery help? They are happy with his development overall, but we had problems with biting and grabbing of other babies faces.

So sorry. There's another thread going at the moment on the poor level of comprehension on MN. Seems like I might be part of the cause!

I'd ask the HV to do the 12 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages and use the two for a fuller picture.

Also ask for him to be referred for a hearing test.

Do not let the HV adopt the "wait and see" approach. As I said earlier, waiting lists are long and if there are any concerns, he should be referred to a Paediatrician

No worries. I am such a bad typer (and communicator) that I am sure I have my part in it too!

Thank you for this tip, I will xx

Some of what you have posted can be normal at DS’s age, but you should push for further assessment because of the regression and black/grey scoring. What support is the nursery providing? If they need more advice about supporting DS’s needs/delays they can request input from the Area SENCO.

Have you tried sensory play?

The nursery are quite happy with hsi development and they just make sure they intercept him before he gets to other babies as he has had a biting / grabbing problem. They haven't flagged anything else. What support can they provide?

Is the nursery not concerned about DS’s regression and gross motor skills delay? The nursery could provide support with gross motor skills and the sensory differences. What exactly that support could look like will depend on DS’s precise needs.

The nursery are bot concerned with those. They scored him okay at his 12 month checklist and they think he learns something new every week. But before they also documented that he was sensory seeking. They also told me he is very independent (which I get because he hardly wants interaction) and it's really brining me down.

@BlueBrick as to sensory play, he loves painting with finger paints but I don't know what else to offer him. I feel like.he has so many sensory seeking behaviours and engages in them about 75-90% of the time alternating between different modes

Have a look at some of the ideas on this website and in this booklet. Some won’t be relevant to DS’s needs especially at his age, but some will be relevant or could be adapted.

Is DS presenting differently at nursery (not uncommon) or is it that nursery aren’t seeing the delays/difficulties/regression (also not uncommon)?

I am also feeling scared that I won't be able to give him what he needs. I am clearly have mental health issues and I don't know if it's in me to cope with additional needs.

Have you spoken to your GP about your anxiety?

Thank you for that information, I think they are just not seeing it. He seems sociable and smiley and I think the differences with other babies are very subtle. Like I don't know if they are aware of three point gaze for example. So it would appear that he is a happy child who is only slightly behind but to me the difference in social communication is there. Like, he babbles a good deal but never tries and never tried to imitate sounds.

I wouldn't know if they knew importance of reaching, showing and ither gestures wher3 he is lacking.

And yes, I have great GP and in therapy and on meds. But I don't think I can cope even with those supports in place. It just breaks my hear every day when he doesn't reach back or doesn't understand what he used or doesn't want to play with me.

Have you spoken to the nursery about the regression, gross motor delays and sensory differences?

Can you go back to the GP both to discuss your anxiety and DS?

@Wobblyheart how is your little boy doing now? I still have concerns about my son (11.5 months); and am forever living in fear of a regression and loss of all the skills he’s learnt. He’s due to start nursery in January which I’m hoping will be a positive for him

@Wobblyheart hoping you’re ok xx

Hi @Brainversusworld I am sure nursery would be sooooo beneficial for your son. I am sure he will blossom once he got used to it. I understand and share the fear of regression. I think if I remember correctly, your baby was doing really great so I wouldnt worry. But it is impossible, I know.

I have updated how we are doing here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4775060-to-feel-like-i-regret-ivf?page=8