Uncontrollable child

[starwise]

My child is undiagnosed, but suspected ASD, specifically relate to Pathological Demand Avoidance for her. She is 6.

I am seriously struggling to keep her safe when she is in a meltdown. She is small but strong and very aggressive in a meltdown. I don't want to hurt her when trying to restrain her, but she is self harming or putting herself in harms way, as well as attacking others and the home.

Nothing works. When she gets in to a meltdown, the only way out it is when she is ready and that could be hours. I can't just walk out and leave her to it as she will hurt herself and it would be really dangerous to do that. Any touch at all, even finger holding around her wrist she screams ouch, it's as if she is hypersensitive. Talking and explaining does not help, she just screams.

I am covered in bruises, strains, scratches from her attacking me. I have looked at safe space beds for autistic children, but we can't afford one. We are still on the waiting list for help.

What can I do? She comes out her melt down happy as Larry and I am bleeding and bruised, if this is her at 6.... please someone help me, I am terrified of my child

You can’t stop the meltdown once it’s started, you need to try and reduce or eliminate the triggers that cause the meltdowns so they happen less often and are less intense. Teaching of strategies also needs to happen when she’s calm. Discussion and lecturing in the moment will not help.

What support is she getting in school? Does she have an EHCP?

Have you looked at the PDA website and the PANDA model? Low demand parenting is recommended for PDA.

It’s not easy, do you have a dp for support?

I agree with Open. Have you tried to keep a diary to spot triggers? Does DD have anything to help her self regulate e.g. sensory toys/equipment, a trampoline, punch bag. Some people find Ross Greene’s The Explosive Child book and Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful.

DD may well be hypersensitive to touch. Has she had a sensory OT assessment? Some people find the Out of Sync Child book useful.

Has DD had a home OT assessment to look at making the house safer and better meet her needs? For a safe space bed or similar, have you approached any of the charities who sometimes fund them?

There’s someone on Instagram who posts content under ‘atpeaceparents’ about her experiences with her PDA autistic child.

I agree with both the previous posts. My child has become much less violent as he’s got older - when he was younger I used to wear a really thick wooden jumper/jacket all winter because then it didn’t hurt when he bit me!

@starwise hi there,

Know this is an old thread but just wondering whether your dd meltdowns eased with maturity. ? My dd has meltdowns similar to what you described.