Swearing and school punishment

[HiImTrying]

Hi. It's nights like tonight that I wish this was all a dream.

DS is 7, autistic, PDA profile and possibly has ADHD. We have asked for a referral to CAMHS and awaiting update on an EHCP referral.

I have posted before somewhere else about schools management of DS behaviour in school and sadly a year on, there are no changes or adjustments.

DS has picked up swearing. We do not swear but extended family and friends do and he has picked up on this enthusiastic emotional language and likes to use it when angry, swears at people and also like to slip words in as rhymes when he thinks no one will notice.

I collected DS from school to be pulled aside by the TA and told DS had been swearing in rhyme during class. I messaged the teacher asking what punishment the school were looking at so I could discuss it with DS. (For context, at home we have been ignoring swearing in rhyme, not responding /walk away or stop the activity if it's in direct to someone and also using social stories; at the recommendation of SALT.) His teacher has responded that there is a great concern over the swearing, but also the fact he's lying about it and making up an elaborate story about how he didn't swear. The teacher is concerned that lying seems to be a huge issue. He will face missing a breaktime tomorrow and intervention with the deputy head and head teacher. Further instances of any kind of swearing may lead to 'more serious consequences'.

What could that possibly mean ? Exclusion? Suspension? I don't think he should be allowed to swear, absolutely not, but I get so upset that the discipline system may just set him up to fail even further. Without his break time, he will be unable to regulate any behaviour for the rest of the day.

Not sure if I'm looking for help or an ear. Is there anything I can help him with swearing, and lying? I am catastrophising that he will be an abuser and compulsive liar. This is unfortunately the least worrying of his behaviours.

I could cry. And this will only all get worse.

Without his break time, he will be unable to regulate any behaviour for the rest of the day.

I'm sorry I can't help with the other aspects of your post, but last year I was a primary TA with an autistic child (Y3) in the class.

The classroom teacher had the same expectations for him with regard to respect for teachers and pupils, so he did lose his breaks for certain things agreed with his mum. However, he was allowed a break time outside when the other children were back in the classroom. He missed out on the social play, but still got to decompress. He also had a visual behaviour charter (written by the SENCo and teacher together), which outlined individualised behaviour expectations and sanctions. A good morning and afternoon meant time on the iPad as a reward the next school day.

Is this something you could discuss with the teacher?

Hello, thank you so much for your reply.

It may or may not help to add that his teacher is also the SENCO. We have termly meetings where it has been agreed DS needs sensory breaks either in, or outside the classroom, but they cannot implement them because there is not enough staff. I know this is not exactly the same as missing a playtime, but I wonder if this will be refused too as there is no available staff to take him outside. I will ask.

He actually doesn't care about missing his break as a punishment, but this has been a big issue in the past where he would be made to miss multiple days worth of breaks and his behaviour would continue to escalate, but I understand there is a behaviour policy which all children are expected to follow.

He did also have a visual board for behavioural expectations, but unfortunately his behaviour got worse. I was told that may be because of the PDA side of things, where the board itself was a demand.

The school must make reasonable adjustments, including to the behaviour policy. Losing break time is counter productive.

Where are you in the EHCP process?

When the school say ‘more serious consequences’ they may well mean suspension. However, try not to worry. A suspension would provide you with evidence of unmet needs and you would be able to challenge any suspension. Unlikely to be permanently excluded for swearing.

Thanks so much for your reply. Just at the beginning of the referral process. I have been told it will take a year or more.

I have been told that no adjustments to the policy can be made.

I have been pushing for an EHCP referral since the end of year R when his teacher came to me and said they basically couldn't cope with him, despite me raising concerns before he even started school and they told me not to worry, he was fine. He was in fact not fine but masked until he got burnt out.

He's now in year 2. Many of my emails to the SENCO last school year went without reply and discussions with his year 1 teacher all came back around to the fact DS is disruptive, rude, can't follow instructions, can't listen etc etc. and that any sanctions put in place made no difference. Even when I confirmed to them that he was diagnosed as autistic in January, they too ignored that. It wasnt until our end of year school meeting that they decided they did agree with me, when I brought up the fact that I understand he can't just get away with things because he's autistic but he needs more support than what is being provided. The SENCO and behaviour support worker turned around and said, well you only think he's autistic. I said no, you know he has a confirmed diagnosis. They denied it , despite my email and being sent copies of over 3 letters from other bodies regarding it between the January and July. Apparently they never got them or my emails.

From there the EHCP referral was agreed and a referral to CAMHS. That referral was denied last week, because apparently it didn't meet the referral criteria. But the criteria was everything that was submitted to CAMHS so I am waiting for an update on that.

Sorry I'm sure all of that information is irrelevant. I feel very strongly about how DS will turn out to be as an adult, and how this affects his peers in class also.

Have a read of IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites to learn more about the EHCP process. Unless you have to appeal, which some do, the EHCP process takes 20 weeks.

Has an EHCNA request actually been submitted to the LA? If not, you can do it yourself using the model letter on IPSEA’s website.

Remind the school they must comply with the Equality Act and make reasonable adjustments. To not do so is disability discrimination. They must also make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN. If the SENCO ignores you, email the HT.

The SENCO and behaviour support worker turned around and said, well you only think he's autistic.

We had whole staff training on autism last year and were told that because so many more children than are diagnosed are on the spectrum, the best practice to meet the needs of every child is to treat them as though they did have a diagnosis. They sound incredibly dismissive (at best) and/or incompetent (at worst). You are doing the right thing for your child by pursuing a diagnosis and EHCP, but I would definitely be flagging this up with the head/govenors/LA.

You could also take a look at the Teachers' Standards for language to support your argument that his needs aren't being met:
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a750668ed915d3c7d529cad/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

Hi op, I can't help with much advice on most of your post (dd is a masker, so we have the swearing and meltdowns at home as a result of unmet needs at school, but she's 'fine at school'). But I do have some experience of trying to get the school's senco to listen and understand. Her response has been similar ("she's not diagnosed, so she's likely choosing to behave that way"). We applied for an EHCPNA on our own without school support. The LA initially rejected our application but overturned their decision when challenged, before it went to SEN Tribunal. We've just received the Ed Psychologist's report as part of that process. I don't think we'll get an EHCP as dd is a very effective masker and the adjustments the EP has recommended can apparently be met within the school's existing funding envelope. We are gearing up for another fight with the senco, who we suspect will not implement the recommendations without a formal EHCP. But we do now have something formal to go on, which we can refer to. The report highlights performance anxiety and low scores for listening comprehension in among high scores for much of the academic stuff.

The EHCPNA took 6 months to be agreed (including our appeal to tribunal after initial rejection) and her cognitive tests/ EP observation took place end Oct. We began the whole process in Feb/ March when dd went through a significant period of school avoidance.

Your ds has a better chance of success with EHCPNA as his behaviours are very evident at school.

Keep going!

Hello, thank you so much for your reply. I am sorry to hear you are going through something similar with your DD at school.

DS was diagnosed as Autistic in January and school had been copied in to multiple letters from paediatrician, SALT and the ADOS results themselves as well as emails directly from me. The meeting where they said that was in July. I still don't understand why they said that, or how they claim to have not known. Essentially saying that they had been treating him as 'difficult' rather than neurodivergent.

I thought it might be different having the SENCO as one of his teachers for this academic year, but I'm not sure what difference that has made, hopefully just more evident of the behaviours that he exhibits in school.

He has already had all of the reviews that are required for the EHCNA, but not as part of the process, just throughout year 1. I am going to email the SENCO now to see if there is an update.

Thank you. It's parents evening tomorrow and I'm dreading it.