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ASD/ADHD son

5 replies

Softplayismysecondhome · 06/11/2023 20:09

DS almost 4, preschool have written his EHCP assessment and it reads horribly. I know they have to write it negatively for assessments and funding to be considered etc but there is just so much mention of how he can’t control his emotions, can’t follow instructions, hugely hyperactive, doesn’t play with the other kids, the gap is widening between him and his peers. It kills me. I worry constantly about how school will be for him, how life will be for him. He has huge disinhibited behaviour around strangers but particularly men he doesn’t know - he will try and hold their hand and call them daddy, and try to cuddle them. I have no idea why. His dad lives with us, although I’m much more hands on than him their relationship is fine. He has absolutely no danger awareness - you can explain to him over and over again don’t run into the road, don’t approach dogs, don’t touch sharp things, and he will do it over and over again. He is obsessed and I do mean obsessed with numbers, I cannot get him to engage in much else other than number based activities. He has tantrums all the time when he can’t get his own way about something, admittedly not like it used to be (full scale uncontrollable meltdowns for half an hour at a time). I’m just so depressed with it. I worry he will be bullied. I worry he will become either a shut-in who doesn’t leave home and forge a life for himself and will be totally lost when I’m gone, or he will be so desperate for a peer group he falls in with a bad crowd who exploit him. I can’t give my daughter any attention because he shouts over whatever we are talking about or I have to abandon whatever we are doing to stop him doing something unsafe. Is it ever going to get better.

OP posts:
SalmonWellington · 07/11/2023 09:44

Ok.

EHCP reports are brutal, but you'll get through this and so will DS.

Numbers is a great obsession to have. Does he like Numberblocks? Lots of toys and books there now too. Try manipulables like cuisinaire rods (fabulous things - you can add, divide, factorise, build square numbers...) and numicon. Usborne has great maths books (wob to get them second hand) and NRICH has lots of ideas for preschool maths games.

Orchard games are also a good place to look - the jump from maths to simple board game can go pretty well. And once board games are unlocked it's much easier to bring your DD into games with him. Plus you're learning turn taking and patience. If losing is hard try coop board games - Max the cat is a good place to start.

Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene) works well here - worth trying anyway. Works just as well for NT kids too.

Use the EHCP nursery report to apply for DLA if you haven't already. Just literally copy and paste it saying "nursery says...'. Money helps with everything.

Find safe ways for him to burn off energy. Soft balls to kick ariund, gorilla gym, yoga balls to roll on. Ikea do an amazing spinning chair (Lomsk) and gym mats.

SalmonWellington · 07/11/2023 09:45

One more thing - Molly Potter does good emotions books and the Usborne "All About" series is excellent too. Key thing to start with is just recogniding emotions.

PassageDEnfer · 08/11/2023 17:28

Yes, OP, it will get better. Some areas of his development will be slower than for other children, so try to avoid comparisons. He absolutely will keep developing and lots of things will become easier for DC and for you over time. It is really brilliant that his needs have been picked up at this age, and that they are being spelt out in full, as that is the path to provision that will meet his needs and help him achieve his potential. He will surprise you.

SEND parenting is a brutal business and it is easier to feel alone or overwhelmed. Have you got some decent support around you? Are you part of any local groups (local knowledge is priceless)? Make sure you don't neglect your self-care. And support his special interests and let him remain focused on these - they will be key in unlocking everything else.

BlueBrick · 08/11/2023 19:59

It is hard to read the reports. It is completely normal to feel that way. As difficult as it is, try not to borrow worries from the future. It is all too easy to drive yourself mad doing that.

If you haven’t already, apply for a blue badge. It will help you to keep DS safer.

If you haven’t already, contact Home Start to ask if they can support you.

As part of the EHCNA, has DS had OT (including a sensory assessment) and SALT assessments? What about social care assessments?

Mumtoboys1 · 08/11/2023 23:08

My 8yo was similar when he was young. Even with the calling men daddy, as a glimmer of hope his tantrums got better slowly but surely when he started talking (age 5) and when he started playing video games and just with age really. He was diagnosed ASD in reception. I couldn't even take him near a shop because he would meltdown if we didn't go in and get something. He does still struggle with losing and not being first ect but Ive just accepted its not going to go away and worked round it for example he knows not to have any races with anyone because he will just get too upset. It's definitely not as bad as it used to be though!

I'd say definitely engage more with the numbers. My son used to watch videos of numbers on YouTube over and over. Now he's doing maths even I have to use a calculator to work out! His younger brother has also got the brunt of it because as you said unfortunately with an impulsive child that becomes priority. Something I feel terrible about all the time.

Hope things get easier ❤️❤️

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