AuDHD and aggression in DS

[LucyRT]

Hi, my DS (7), just started in specialist provision has struggled with emotional regulation and 'aggressive' behaviours since the age of three. He is overwhelmed/stimulated very easily and can really struggle with transitions. Hes an awesome and bright lad, with so much character but some of the more challenging behaviours have escalated recently and I'm worried I can't manage. For example he has started to try to kick and punch me in the face when disregulated. I try to stay calm at all times and not get triggered myself but physically I'm struggling. Anyone with experience that can offer any advice. I want to help my son to manage his big emotions better and without the need to lash out.
Thanks! 🙏

What support is DS receiving? Does the school use anything like Zones of Regulation? Does DS’s EHCP include therapies such as SALT, OT, MH therapies?

Are some of the challenging behaviours the coke bottle effect from unmet needs at school? It is very early days moving school, DS will still be settling in, so some of the VCB may settle when DS settles at school.

Keeping a diary to try to spot triggers can help.

Does DS have somewhere he can retreat to when dysregulated? Do you have a trampoline or punch bag or have other sensory toys/equipment he can use?

Some people find Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child or Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful.

Is DS on medication?

Thanks for the response. He certainly is still settling at new school. It's a big leap from MS and they are still getting to know him. He is also adjusting to the needs and behaviours of his peers and the long journey to and fro.

He is not medicated as still awaiting further consultation. Though this is something I would consider if it helps him.

One major issue is tablet use. It regulates him when he gets home usually but as he uses it on his taxi journey too, he ends up with more excessive use and putting it down is one of our biggest battles.

He has his room to retreat to, however he seem to need to 'vent' his frustration physically so will often throw, slam his door or run straight back out when disregulated. This is why I tend to stay with him to try to coregulate. But this is getting more problematic due to the physicality of the outbursts.

We have an outdoor trampoline, unfortunately, if upset he won't use it, rather he will shout and scream and bang on door still.

I was hoping it would help!

Any other thoughts! I am open to any feedback/advice.

Punchbag could work. I will look into it. Thanks!

I would chase the appointment to discuss medication.

I have no idea how you do it but know it’s possible on some devices, could you set the tablet to turn off after so long so it isn’t you telling DS screen time is over?

Is DS in an individual taxi? If not, you could request it on the basis DS is not coping with the journey being longer than necessary.

As well as the book in my pp, some find The Out of Sync Child helpful. If DS doesn’t already receive OT input then look at that.

We have had very aggressive and violent outbursts from our son of the same age so I’m sending my thoughts to you, it is so tough. We’ve also had room trashing and throwing as well as a good dose of door slamming. My son can be an absolute horror when he’s hungry and tired (as can any child). So I make sure I give him regular snacks and good hot meals - sometimes tea straight when he comes in from school. Bedtime for us is upstairs at 7, then bath (he finds warm water very calming), then a couple of chapters of a book and lights out by 7.45. He’s got “disco” lights in his room which create a calm sensory space for him and he enjoys gentle music too.

It feels totally counter intuitive, but when my son is dysregulated and violent towards me, I try to make it a funny situation, by trying to tickle, cuddle or blow a raspberry noise. Often that shifts the dynamic and he laughs and then I can get in for a cuddle and give him a back rub and he settles quickly after that.