I phoned social services today and told them I can’t keep DD here

[VeryGoodVeryNice]

I’m completely broken and have nothing left in the tank. I can’t do it anymore. I feel so shit and like I’m going to be sick. I’ve completely stopped functioning, I haven’t even eaten today. Of course they haven’t come and whisked her away, but they are sending the FIS worker out on Monday. Feel like the worst parent in the world but I have well and truly hit a wall.

I’m really sorry. I hope they are helpful

You aren’t the worst parent in the world, far from it. You have recognised you need support and have asked for it.

You need a carer’s assessment from social care and an assessment from the disabled children’s team for DD.

How old is DD? Does she have an EHCP? Does she have a diagnosis?

Can you speak to your GP? Some parents find medication &/or counselling helpful.

I asked for a carer’s assessment a couple of months ago but haven’t heard anything yet. The person I spoke to today was from the disabled children’s team. I applied for an EHCP but they wouldn’t even assess. I need to apply again but don’t have the strength or the brain bandwidth at the moment. I’m really ill myself. DD is 13 and has ASD, waiting for ADHD assessment and she very likely has ODD but there’s no diagnostic pathway in this area for that.

Oh and I have spoken to my GP a lot lately, they know what’s going on but other than listening to me there’s not a lot they can do.

If you feel you can, chase the carer’s assessment. You need the CwD team to do a formal assessment of DD’s needs, make sure children’s services do that rather than fobbing you off.

The GP can prescribe medication if you think that would help. It does some parents.

Scope offer mentoring to parents of DC recently diagnosed or on the assessment pathway. It is worth contacting them.

When was the EHCNA refused? Are you still within the appeal window?

Thank you, they gave me the number for the CwD team yesterday so I will phone and ask about a needs assessment. And will chase the carer’s assessment. Everything is always so much hard work to fight for, I know everything is cut to the bone but it’s exhausting.

They refused to assess for an EHCP because they were saying her problems at her last school may have just been because of the school, and she may be different at a new school with a fresh start. She was out of school for nearly a year because it took me that long to find somewhere that would take her. And she is worse at the new school, a lot worse. She was on her last warning before being kicked out within 10 days of the start of term. So now I need to reapply but it’s having the mental energy to do it and honestly I feel like my brain has completely shut down at the moment.

It is relentless and exhausting. It shouldn’t be that way. Take care of yourself. You can’t support DD if you aren’t well yourself.

When you feel up to it, use IPSEA’s model letter to request an EHCNA.