10 yo sleep dependant on me

[despondentatwork]

I'm sure this has been done to death...my autistic DS needs me to settle to sleep & stay asleep. He takes Melatonin (if he doesn't he just does not settle until really late/early hours no matter how long he's in be). If he does settle in his own bed with me beside him, he'll come in to me later in the night. I don't mind this so much- it's clearly a sensory need-he needs to be touching/pressing against me. He dpoesn't really like being touched during the day. I've always hated the idea of fpushing/forcing the issue of him settling himself. But oh my gosh am I struggling. And it's making my parenting worse...I'm working FT, studying and have other children. SO much of my time is spent with him; I know it upsets my 12yo DD and she does so well to not feel resentful-he is super demanding of me in general TBH. Does anyone have any ideas/strategies. I do try to see it as a need, and I do try to understand if I just stick it out, bedtime goes smoother. It just takes so much of my evening & I'm really time poor and 10 hard years in I'm crumbling ......

For the sensory needs, have you tried a life sized soft toy, weight soft toy &/or weighted blanket. Some people find a 2 way monitor or walkie-talkies help.

Have you tried popping out of DS’s room for increasing amounts of time then going back e.g. settling DS then saying you are just going to wash your hands then going back in to DS after 30 seconds/1min, then saying you are going to put the washing away then go back after 2 mins etc?

DS1 is older than your DS and still requires me or DH to be with him, and even when he starts the night in his bed it is very rare he remains there all night.

Thank you Yellow...have tried all of the above except for walkie-talkies. That might work..I know he hates being alone at night🤔