experience of ADD anyone?

[Art]

I have concerns about ds (6) and whether he may have ADD.

He has always been difficult, being defiant, argumentative, lacking social skills, low self esteem, and prone to tantrums. Also needs constant reminders to get himself dressed etc. at home

School has never been a problem until now in yr2. He is getting more and more unhappy - despite being quite bright he says he is constantly being told off/kept in for not finishing work, feels that he is stupid etc.
His teacher says he doesnt really 'fit in' to the class but didnt seem overly concerned about his concentration although he apparently daydreams on the carpet and all the time when he should be working.

Not sure whether I'm just being neurotic and unsure whether to bring it up again at school. Does anyone have a child with similar symptoms? Would appreciate some feedback

I can't help but am bumping. My DS1 is nearly 6 and is very similar he has started to say he is rubbish and doesn't like himself. I have exactly the same problems with him. In fact recently (well always) he has been really hard work and it is gutting to have my 5 year old so serious and carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I love him so much and end up thinking how can I have invested so much love and he is just not secure or happy. What am I doing wrong etc. Something not right but don't know what.

My DS2 is heading towards ASD dx. However, in a weird way I have a new perspective of being less worried about him as at least he is happy. I don't know if it is just DS1 little personality or if it is more. It is also driving my DH and I apart as he finds him a nightmare. I just think DH needs to grow up and accept our boys for who they are instead of doting on DD.

Anyway Art I hope you get some good help.

Thank you spacegirl - they sound very similar! And I always have blamed myself too thinking it must be my parenting. But now think it may be more. Dh and I also find it affects our relationship - when ds is kicking off we start taking it out on each other and have to work hard not to.

Bump

Hi Spacegirl.

My son is nearly 14 and entering S3 after the summer. He has just been formally diagnosed ADD and it is a relief. I am now armed with the information to ensure that his learning experience in high school is supported by teachers who understand the way his brain works. Look out parents evening! My son had all the symptoms you describe and his diagnosis was delayed by well meaning professionals throughout his life who poo poo-ed my worries as "a boy thing" "Typical gemini behavour" "attention seeking" or just being bad or lazy. However, thanks to a very supportive and concerned P7 teacher who shared my concerns for his ability to deal with high school teaching methods and environment prompted me to believe in my own gut feeling and seek medical support. Result ADD with Dyspraxic tendencies....what a relief. My job now is to convince my son of all the clever and famous people who were and are AD/HD like Richard Branson, Billy Connolly, Winston Churchill etc and that this diagnosis does not mean he is stupid but very bright indeed if just a little confused.

Thanks candy - I'm glad you've now got the diagnosis you needed, and its reassuring to know other people have similar experiences and its not just my bad parenting. dh and I have decided to go ahead with raising this concern at school and with the gp.
Have you found any good books that have helped you?

Thanks for your responses Art and Candy. We have a parents evening tomorrow so that will be my first stop then maybe gp but not sure.

I might also have a chat to my ds2's special needs health visitor as she is really good and a sympathetic ear. I am a bit scared to do anything about it as trying to get my head around DS2's potential dx and needs. My DD has really highlighted how different a "normal" child is in comparison to my DS's much as I love them.

Candy is your son happier now you all know what he is dealing with?

Art does your son do eye contact? Mine is not great with it and struggles with affection and being friends. He does not have a clue when he has crossed over the line of annoying. Doesn't get invited around to peoples houses. Not showing off but he is obviously very bright but has struggled with reading and writing etc. It feels like to get through to him you have to tell him off so much that it undermines who he is. Am trying positive approach but patience is needed to extreme! Yet he is silly rather than nasty or naughty. The kind of child that will get the blame for others silliness as he carries on what someone else started. Yet underlying all this he is so sensitive, craves attention and doesn't like himself. Know it is part of being 5 but he is not really like any of his peers. Can you let me know how you get on Art as it was such a relief to be able to write some of this down?

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 12 and not wanting to disillusion anyone it didn't make the slightest difference to his school. Not one of the recommendations made by the Educational Psychology department were implemented. Yes they made all the right noises but it was a constant battle just to stand still.

Mrz sounds a nightmare for both of you. Has it helped you understand him or had you already worked it out?

Sorry yours is proving a hard battle mrz

Spacegirl - that could have been my ds you were describing, tho' he does have some friends but not good friends.

Dh and I have known for some time that something wasnt quite right, but didnt know what and even just talking about it openly has made me feel a whole lot better. Yes he does do eye contact and constantly needs hugs (inbetween wrecking the house, and shouting at everyone), so can be quite affectionate. Very frustrating that he does not learn from past experiences and so is in trouble for the same things daily!

Hope you have a positive parents evening - ours is on Thursday

I could have written your post myself Art, and seeing the self-esteem dip is horrible. Dd is currently undergoing investigation for this and other conditions. She is bright, but underachieving, and slow to grasp everything. She also has no idea when she's overstepped the annoying factor, struggles with friendships for this reason and blames herself entirely for being stupid and having a 'not working' brain. You have my sympathy and I would indeed raise it with school and the GP, as it will only become more apparant as he gets older and you see the gap widening between himself and his peers.

I had already raised it with the GP before saying anything at school, when I suddenly, out of the blue, had a letter from school, saying that they have noticed problems too. The relief that it wasn't just me being paranoid was overwhelming!

How old is your DD aero? Would you recommend seeing the GP? How do any investigations impact on your DD? My DS is so sensitive underneath his lack of social skills. He was crying over his brain making the wrong choices.

Art all the best for your parents evening too!

Dd is 7.5 Art, and she cries for those reasons too. It's heartbreaking because she realises she's different from her friends, but doesn't understand why. I've had concerns regarding why she often doesn't 'fit in' for years, but it has always been dismissed as her being immature and one of the the youngest in the year, but now that she's older, the differences are more apparant, which is why we raised it with the GP. She's not hyperactive, so symptoms not always obvious to teachers etc, but her ability to focus is poor, and she needs constant gentle pulling back to produce any decent amount of work.

Sorry - meant Spacegirl! Maybe she gets her lack of attention to detail from me!

Just came back from parents evening. DS1 teacher has concerns about him. Says she has lots of niggles that something isn't right but doesn't know what she is going to talk in more detail to the SEN about him. Some stuff she mentioned Only joins in on his terms. Will run around but has dificulty being friends. Hovers to scared to speak to her. Does silly things to get told off and get the attention even though he squirms through the attention and is worried about doing wrong things. Won't sit with everyone in rug time, fine motor skill issues, is away in his own thoughts, likes the concrete things, isn't happy etc, says unusual things for his age, does little things that are silly moving stuff in weird places, difficult to grasp some things and concentrate. Relief that she has concerns too but scared. Am going to arrange a time to speak to her in more detail. What is it with my boys?

Hi Spacegirl

My boy is proudly telling everybody that he is disabled - which I am trying to dampen with enthusiasm about his smartness. I have just had his mid term year 2 report and what a disappointment. Full of very able but needs to concentrate, constantly distracted, have had to reprimand because he is not paying attention in class, completing work, disrupting classmates, not doing homework etc etc etc. One teacher even went as far as hoping that he doesn't choose her subject for 3rd year as he is obviously not committed in class. Bear in mind that S2 parents night involved discussion with all available teachers, House master and Support teachers about my son's ADD investigations which were ongoing and the need for support from the school. I am gathering evidence Oh Boy - just wait. till next week's parents night. I will be armed with a handout for each teacher on how to engage an ADD pupil in class without making them feel small and worthless. Our difficulty is the onset of teenage hormones making talking to the teacher uncool as well as scary.

Spacegirl - sorry to hear that teacher has concerns too, but good I suppose that you will have evidence from school to back up your fears and know you're not just being over anxiuos parent.

We raised concerns with teacher last night and have been referred to family support unit so we'll see if they can help.

Hi Aero - sorry you're having problems too, What is the next step after raising concerns with the gp. Do they get referred to a child psychologist or something?

I am having a chat to his teacher and SENCO on Monday. Hopefully they will have a bit more insight into my complicated little boy. Have managed to off load all the kids so not sprinting down the corridor while meeting to chase them. Art Don't know if we have family support units in this area. The teacher sounds like supportive too. Any way I will see how it goes on Monday.

Candy I am failing to imagine a teenage version of my DS1 but hormones must make it incredibly difficult to be a good parent to a very bright complicated lovely child who you just want the best for. DS1 grunts enough one syllable words now! Well done you for going to take hand outs secondary school must be a real challenge. I have only got one teacher who is being supportive.

Will keep you posted. Let me know how it goes with you guys. I have found this thread really suuportive and encouraging ta everyone.

Hi, My dd (just had her 7th birthday) is in the process of being diagnosed with AD/HD. Its a relief that a professional has finally recognised what ive always known.

The way I got started on the road to diagnosis was to go to my GP & ask to be referred to CAMHS. (child & adolescent mental health service) It took a few months before we saw someone, but within 20 minutes the lady we saw said it was very clear that dd has AD/HD & she would refer her on to the AD/HD specialist who will monitor her at school initially, then meet with me to discuss probable medications.

I would advise anyone who has a concern over their child to go & see their GP & get them referred to CAMHS. Do not wait for school to flag up an issue & involve outside agencies, because chances are they never will.

Its only now that dd is finally getting a little more support at school, before CAMHS involvement she had none whatsoever.

My next fight is to get her assessed for Dyslexia. Why do we always have to do everything ourselves?

Thanks sparkle princess - I have another meeting with the teacher tonight, but will consider going to the gp.

Since starting this thread I feel so much better, I've never really talked about it openly before apart from with dh and knowing you're out there with complicated little people too is a real help